Ready! Down! Hut, Hut, Hut!

The American Relevance of the Italian Soccer Scandal

2006-07-19T18:04:00.000-05:00

The Italian soccer scandal is one of the worst in sports history. A match-fixing scandal spanning the last two years among some of Italy and Europe’s most powerful teams is serious. Four teams in Italy’s first disivion, Serie A face an array of sanctions. AC Milan stays in Serie A, but begins the year with a -15 point penalty, basically starting the season with five losses. . Juventus, Fiorentina, and Lazio will all be relegated to Serie B. Juventus also received a -30 point penalty, the equivalent of losing ten games. All four teams also forfeit their spots in the European Championship tournaments.

To put this into proper perspective for us Yanks, consider men’s college basketball for a hypothetical illustration. Big East powerhouses UConn, Syracuse and Cincinnati all are sent to Division II. Another powerhouse Villanova remains in the Big East, but forfeits 16% of its games. All four teams are also ineligible for the Big East tournament, NCAA tournament, and the preseason NIT and Maui Invitational tourneys. Since these teams are all assured of miserable years, players must also be granted their releases. UConn also essentially forfeits 26% of their games. It would essentially mean the Death Penalty handed to SMU in the 80’s.

Considering the cascading effects of the penalties, the four teams will suffer serious financial problems. There is a reasonable chance that Juventus, one of the most successful soccer clubs in the world, could go bankrupt.

Like many other sports scandals, the Italian fiasco is tied to gambling and money. It is not impossible to imagine a similar incident occurring in the US. Sports betting is a multi-billion dollar industry. There have been several point-shaving scandals in college basketball, and plenty of other rule-bending league-wide sports embarrassments.

Bet on Sports CEO David Caruthers was arrested last weekend for racketeering charges. While the arrest has no implications to any sports affiliations, it is an clear reminder of how prevalent gambling is in sports. It is a logical step that someone motivated by money would have an interest in fixing games in the US. Simply put, it’s a legitimate threat to any college and professional league. Just as Jose Canseco and Ken Caminiti are obviously not the only steroid users in baseball, the same can reasonably said of Pete Rose and gambling.

What’s the solution? Each league office -not the government- must be responsible and honest about potential issues. This means the gamut of gambling, point shaving, performance drugs, recruiting scandals and whatever other schemes unscrupulous people invent. If there is evidence of wrong-doing within a sport, swift action must be taken.

As the world will see, Italian soccer is going to suffer dearly for this episode. It's an important precedent because regretfully it will not be the last time.

This week’s sign that ESPN loves themselves too much.

2006-07-07T18:32:00.000-05:00

A recent contest on ESPN Radio was to be a call-screener for a day. Sadly, somewhere a sport rube thought this would be a dream gig. The people that entered the contest envisioned something on par with the Sportscenter commercials, where athletes and crazy mascots litter the Bristol campus. Some fan will realize their dream of seeing Colin Cowherd arrive to the station five minutes prior to airtime in sweatpants. Maybe ESPN radio is different, but I worked for three years in sports radio, and call screening is very far from glamorous, let alone contest-worthy. Having three years of call screening in sports radio, it’s not very exciting. It pays seven dollars an hour. A sweepstakes to clean the halls of the Bristol campus is more lucrative and equally exciting. Maybe some fans think answering the rubeline is exciting. If placing Dave on a Cell phone, or Lakers fan in Kansas on hold is exhilarating, then you missed your big chance.

Players I wouldn’t touch with an NBA-sized pole

2006-07-05T13:50:00.000-05:00

Every year teams overpay for players. In a dreadfully weak free agent class, overpaying is even more rampant. You can’t fault players for taking what teams are willing to pay. Every year teams do the same tired act of signing underachieving and overrated players to large contracts, and then act surprised when they don’t pan out. Here are four situations that a smart GM would avoid at all costs. Of course if all GM’s were smart, the Knicks might be in better shape. (And Jerome James would be out the NBA.)

-The Bulls needed a scoring big man. Their solution? Sign Ben Wallace for four years and $60million. Ben Wallace brings a lot to the table, offense is not one of them. He can't shoot, save for dunks and layups. His career high scoring average is 9.7. The Bulls incumbant center, Tyson Chandler, is apparently gone. Exchanging Wallace for Chandler nets the Bulls about 2 rebounds and 1 block per game at the expense of an older player with less offensive skill. Wallace plays hard and is an excellent defender. The problem is he is getting franchise player money, and he is not a franchise player. Further, Wallace is 31 and might become more susceptible to injuries throughout the contract.

-Nene played one game last year because of a knee injury. His reward? A 6-year $60million contract from Denver. The Nuggets also locked up Carmelo Anthony for $80million. Considering that Marcus Camby is also paid $8million a year until 2010, the Nuggets have a very expensive front court. Kenyon Martin, signed to a max deal two years ago, and is good as gone. Until Martin is traded, the Nuggets have over $40million per year invested in their frontcourt. Even trading Martin doesn’t totally solve the problem. Trading Martin means accepting players with matching salaries. An easier, cheaper solution was not overpaying for Nene. Too late now. That move just reduced Denver’s slim Championship window by two or three years.

-The Clippers didn’t overpay for Sam Cassell, but the effects may be just as bad. Cassell was a large key in the Clipper’s playoff run last year. His 2006 season had several similarities to his 2004 season with Minnesota: Traded to a new team after wearing out his welcome, playing for his next contract, and leading his new team to greater success. But Minnesota fans also remember the 2005 season as well. That year Cassell was disruptive, injured and looked very old as a player. As well as Cassell played this past year, his.443 FG% was the lowest in eight years. It doesn’t bode well for a 38 year-old point guard that relies almost solely on his jumper for points. Aside from an inevitable slip in Cassell’s number, the Clippers also have a budding point guard in Shaun Livingston. Will Cassell be willing to be a reserve in favor of Livingston? If Cassell starts for the next two years, Livingston’s progress is severely stunted.

-Mention Bonzi Wells in Portland or Memphis and people’s moods turn sour. Wells was probably the least popular member of the Blazers in the early 00’s, no small feat on a team with Rasheed Wallace, Ruben Patterson, and Qyntel Woods among others. After beginning his career as a potential 20 points per game scorer, he is now cemented as a 12-13 ppg guy. Wells doesn’t get arrested or meet legal challenges. He is simply a lousy teammate. He has spit on players, flipped off fans, berated coaches and overall shown a complete lack of interest in selflessness. All NBA teams know, or should know his history. Yet some team will still sign him, probably for too much money, hoping he will be an offseason steal. The only thing stolen will be the money headed to Bonzi’s bank account.

Hawt Dawg!

2006-07-03T17:57:00.000-05:00

Baseball, Hot Dogs, Apple Pie and Chevrolet. They used to be the staples of America. Not any more my flag-waving friend. Japan is the reigning champion of the World Baseball Classic. Toyota is invading NASCAR. Apple pie lost its relevance when McDonald's removed the scalding, hot lava apple pies for "safety concerns". And Takeru Kobayashi is the 5-time Nathan’s Hot Dog eating Champ. A 144-pound Japanese man sticking it to all of Fast Food Nation, and on the 4th of July no less.

Now it’s time for the old US of A to fight back. Enter Joey Chestnut and Sonya Thomas. Chestnut recently ate 50 hot dogs in a Las Vegas qualifier (You can't just be any slob off the street to partake in the fun)-a serious threat to Kobayashi’s record of 53 ½. At only 105lbs, Thomas holds 23 records, including 35 brats in ten minutes, and 7.75 pounds of turducken in 12 minutes. Somewhere John Madden is jealous.

Forget the World Cup, Tour De France or baseball, the real athletic battle will take place tomorrow in Coney Island, NY. Our country’s gluttonous pride is on the line.

Go Away All Star Game Whining

2006-07-03T17:56:00.000-05:00

For many columnists, the day after All-Star selections is a good day to mail it in. In a way it makes sense: the Monday before July 4th is perfect for using a carbon copy article that you can Blackberry to your editor from the lake cabin or beach house. How else to explain the same generic columns every year. Every year there is outrage about stupid fans, egregious omissions, and the East Coast bias. I counter with Who Cares?

When was the last time people truly cared about the All-Star game? Who watches it? How serious can the selections truly be when fans vote, players vote and a manager gets to choose his own players? Plus every team must have a representative.
Every year there are mistakes and forced errors. This year KC’s Mark Redman and his 5.59 ERA are All-Star material. Sure there are 10-20 players that are better choices than Redman. So what? The people that plan on watching the game will watch whether Mark Redman or Method Man pitches two thirds of the seventh inning. The majority of people planning to watch the game will tune in whether Francisco Liriano or Nelson Liriano is on the AL roster. The larger population doesn't care.

Speaking of larger populations, so what if there are too many Yankees, Red Sox and Mets? There are more people in these cities so of course they will have more votes. It's the same reason why New York has more congressman and more electoral college votes. You can't penalize Yankee fans for loyalty to their guys. At least these teams are successful this year. It would be a bigger shame if the Cubs had 5 or 6 players heading to Pittsburgh.

Getting upset about it does nothing. Writing lame columns or devoting hours on talk radio about snubs and oversights is worse. Considering the awful PR state of baseball in recent years, it’s quite a feat that people care enough to vote.

I see very little wrong with the current setup. Let fans vote the starters, let the players vote the reserves. One tweak is removing the one player for every team requirement. Only the host team automatically gets a player.

As long as fans, the media and players all remember this is an exhibition game with less value than the World Baseball Classic, we're all better off. The greatest mistake is using the All-Star game to affect other events. World Series home field advantage is based on an exhibition with arbitrary rosters. Even worse, writers often cite All-Star appearances as a factor for other awards like the Hall of Fame. This is just wrong. The only honor attached to an All-Star appearance is recognition from your peers or fans for being popular, having a good half-season, or playing in a large city. To equate it to anything else is plain lazy. Much like many of the columns churned out on days like today.

Friday Hodge Podge

2006-06-30T17:50:00.000-05:00

-The more post-draft news that comes out, the more the Foye pick smells like McHale. Even Sid Hartman knows it.
There is no doubt Wolves coach Dwane Casey favored taking Brandon Roy of Washington, a player he knew personally and watched a lot during his time as an assistant with the Seattle SuperSonics.
But Foye was Kevin McHale's choice.

GM’s and coaches disagree all the time. When one of the parties has a track talent, it is more troubling. For his part, Foye is pretty versatile and played in a loaded Big East conference.

-The Wolves must decide today to resign guard Bracey Wright or let him walk. Excluding Marcus Banks, the team already has six guards under contract, including heavy contracts for Troy Hudson, Trenton Hassell and Marko “Albatross” Jaric. Maybe they'll resign Wright so he can lead the D-League in scoring for the second straight year.

-Drafting Craig Smith in the second round was a good choice. It’s about time the Timberwolves realized that 2nd round picks are eligible to play in the NBA. Smith wais an excellent rebounder in college and should make the team. He could fill free agent Justin Reed’s role off the bench.

-Their other second rounder Loukas Mavrokefalidis was a nice move too. He is big and can develop for a year or two in Greece. It’s much better to take a chance on a big man project in the late second round than an unathletic, one-dimensional guard like past drafts(Louis Bullock, Blake Stepp, Igor Rakocevic).

-Several articles this week were written concerning the Twins’ hot streak. The carbon copy tone was how befuddling it was that the Twins can’t make up any ground on Chicago and Detroit. It’s pretty simple. Interleague play. AL Central teams are not playing each other, reducing the chance of head-to-head games where the Twins can rapidly gain ground. The AL is destroying the NL in interleague play. There is no question the Twins are playing better since June 8th. There is also no question that the majority of their opponents, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, Houston, and Chicago (Cubs) are not playing well. While sweeping the Red Sox and Dodgers is impressive, the Twins are basically winning games and series they should win. There is still time left.

-Charley Walters and Torii Hunter think Morneau should be an All-Star. He’s having a good year, but come on. He’s third or fourth among AL 1B in OPS, SLG and RC. Jason Giambi, Paul Konerko and Kevin Youkilis are better arguments than Morneau. And that’s not including DH’s with superior numbers like David Ortiz, Jim Thome and Travis Hafner that deserve spots.

Mauer, Santana, Liriano and Nathan all deserve All-Star spots. Only Mauer and Santana will probably be picked. Liriano is a rookie who began the year in middle relief. Nathan doesn’t have a lot of saves, and since many people consider the save the measuring stick for relievers, he has no chance. Compared to other closers, his other numbers are fantastic.

The Twins proved they are able to dump creaky veterans. So why is Ruben Sierra still in the lineup? Is this some kind of consolation for Ron Gardenhire to soothe his pain over losing Juan Castro? Sierra was a feared hitter four years ago. The fact he can switch hit only means he can poorly from both sides of the plate.
His splits for the last three years:
As RHB .235/.281/.407
As LHB .261/.314/.434

He is a mediocre hitter as a lefty and horrible as a righty. A better idea is to have Mike Redman face Lefties and Kubel DH versus righties. Once Shannon Stewart gets back, jettison both Sierra and Rondell White. That way they have room for another pitcher like Pat Neshek or Scott Baker.

-Speaking of White. Wasn’t Terry Ryan’s grand plan to have White DH to alleviate injuries? Well after hanging out with Mr. Mendoza for the first third of the season, Rondell is hurt.

-What’s eating Jim Souhan this week? Today’s column, Souhan writes about Marian Gaborik and Pavol Demitra. And he mentions he went to Torino twice. As if we would forget.

-The sign of a slow day in sports: When your paper has 700 words to commit to Randy Moss opening a smoothie store.
His favorite was the Caribbean Blend, made with lime sherbet, raspberry juice, strawberries and bananas.

I leave the house for 2 hours and this is what happens?

2006-06-29T10:57:00.000-05:00

After following the first 15 picks of the NBA draft, I left the house feeling good about the Wolves picking Brandon Roy. Next to Adam Morrison, Roy has the best chance to play immediately and win the R.O.Y. The Wolves pick, I thought, was solid and the best option at number six. As a topper, Northwest divison rival Portland tried to align the stars and acquire Roy with the seventh pick. It’s a nice little barb at the direct competition.

Then later, the Timberwolves hit Undo and essentially served Roy to Portland for G Randy Foye and cash. Both players are NBA ready and will see time right away. Personal opinion aside, it’s hard to tell who will end up the better player. The issue is not Foye versus Roye, both make sense for the Wolves.

The issue is what the Wolves could have done. The Blazers grand scheme included two trades in the hopes of selecting LaMarcus Aldridge at 2 and Roy at 7. After securing Aldridge, everything hinged on Roy slipping to number 7. Otherwise Blazers management, no strangers to public embarrassments, would be left standing in their Underoos.

Once Roy was picked by the Wolves, they held the advantage. Without Roy, the Blazers looked like fools that lost a big gamble. A good GM might recognize this and extract something valuable from Portland. The Blazers owned the 30 and 31 picks in the draft, and further, didn’t have the roster space to draft someone. Instead the Wolves settle on a swap for cash. Not cash that adds additional cap space. Merely cash for spending on advertising or jet fuel, or Kevin McHale's retirement party (it's soon right?).

As for Roy versus Foye. It will be interesting to see becomes the better player. It is possible that one turns into a superior player that haunts the other franchise for the next five years. Wolves fans better hope it’s Foye.

2006 NBA Draft Quasi-Live Blog

2006-06-28T19:19:00.000-05:00

1. Toronto Raptors-Andrea Bargnani: He could be Roberto Begnini for all we know. The fact that Bargnani’s former coach is now on Toronto’s staff invites the chance that objectivity is absent. Despite Euros like Dirk Nowitzki and Pau Gasol that have panned, there is always the question about toughness and how accurate the scouting reports are for Europeans. For every Nowitzki or Gasol there are two Maciej Lampes and Martin Muursepps. From the Raptors’ point of view, he can’t be worse than 2004 pick Rafael Araujo.

2. Chicago Bulls-LaMarcus Aldridge: Apparently the Bulls will get Tyrus Thomas and Victor Khryapa from the Blazers for this pick. Many believe Aldridge has the most potential in this draft. He put up good numbers as a sophomore at Texas (15.2ppg 9.2rpg). He is only 237 lbs so he might end up as a power forward. Doesn't make as much sense for the Blazers unless they are dumping Zach Randolph.

3. Charlotte Bobcats-Adam Morrison: The Stache is instantly the Rookie of the Year favorite. Often compared to Larry Bird or Kiki Vandeweghe. A better comparison is a more intense version of Richard Hamilton. He works hard to get open and then can get his shot off from anywhere. He should immediately start for the Bobcats.

4. Portland Trailblazers-Tyrus Thomas: He reminds me of Tyson Chandler. People have said his defense will get him on the court while his offense catches up. What if it never does? There is certainly a place for a shotblocker and rebounder in the NBA. Drafting a one-dimensional player in the lottery is much tougher to swallow. Will be traded to the Bulls and I'm not sure why the Bulls want him.

5. Atlanta Hawks-Shelden Williams: Apparently promised by the Hawks. Like Thomas he could play right away, but lacks offense. He was a four year starter at Duke, but was never dominant. He is in the Dale Davis, Kurt Thomas mold. If you want a hint to his career, Colin Cowherd loves Shelden Williams. Poor Shel.

6. Minnesota Timberwolves-Brandon Roy: A Grant Hill clone, in a good way. He is smooth and does everything pretty well, but not exceptional anywhere. He can play three positions and might become a lock-down defender. With Rashad McCants injured, he has a shot at starting soon. If McCants returns, Ricky Davis could(should?) be gone. He should change the pronunciation to the French-Canadian variety a la Patrick Woua.

7. Boston Celtics (for Portland)-Randy Foye: Foye is a good shooter and solidly built. The Blazers really wanted Roy here. They will trade Sebastian Telfair and Theo Ratliff for this pick, Raef LaFrentz and Dan Dickau. Considering the other pieces in this puzzle, the Blazers better hope Foye is a star. Otherwise they are just rearranging point guards and swapping salary cap junk.

8. Houston Rockets-Rudy Gay: A similar path to Donyell Marshall. For his first two years at UConn Marshall was an underachieving small forward with loads of talent. With his skinny build he looked like he was lazy. Same stroy with Gay. It’s a shame Gay didn’t stay around for his junior year. That said, Houston gets a projected top three talent at number 8. Whether he becomes a star or solid NBA player is another story.

9. Golden St Warriors-Patrick O'Bryant: Ay, the 7' leprechaun found his pot o' gold. Actually the 7' center from Blaine was one of the players that climbed the board during March Madness. He's well built at 260lbs and is a good shot blocker. The Warriors have a history of drafting busts at the post (Todd Fuller, Adonal Foyle, Andres Biedrins), which means they just keep trying. If Foyle is your starting center you'd keep trying too.

10. Seattle Supersonics-Saer Sene: Just like the Warriors, the Sonics continuosly try, and fail, to find a solid post player. It's always a crapshoot drafting centers, let alone in a draft considered weak at the position. SI.com's scouting report on Sene: "a raw unknown with size". Which means the difference between Sene and me is 14". I can almost hear Guile from the Street Fighter games saying "SONIC BUST!"

11. Orlando Magic-JJ Redick: The most hated man in college basketball. He can shoot really well, and that's about it. He is a less athletic Rex Chapman. He will probably play for 10 years and come off the bench in the right spot and drill threes. People are concerned with his bad back, I guess I'm more concerned that he isn't the 11th best player in the draft.

12. NOOCH(aka the team that plays in two states not next to each other):Hilton Armstrong: The third center drafted with no business being in the lottery. Armstrong barely played until this year at UConn. He blocks shots...and he blocks shots. Again I defer to si.com's scouting report: "He might not be a great player, but he looks solid". BJ or Louis Armstrong might be better players.

13. Philadelphia 76ers-Thabo Sefolasha: The Sixers might trade Allen Iverson and with their pick they use it on someone who might stay in Europe next year. With Ronnie Brewer, Rodney Carney, Rajon Rondo and Marcus Williams all available it is suprising. Maybe not to brilliant geniuses like Chad Ford or Ric Bucher, but I'm surprised.

14. Utah Jazz-Ronnie Brewer: He was a productive college player for all three seasons at Arkansas. He's big and athletic and is unselfish. Next to Brandon Roy he is the most versatile guard. He should fit well in Utah's backcourt with Deron Williams.

Well that's all the lottery picks, so it's a good stopping point. I don't pretend to know if Marcus Vinicius is better than Kevin Pittsnogle and most people don't care. Maybe Stevin A. Smith will yell who is better.

NBA Draft thoughts

2006-06-27T23:38:00.000-05:00

-When the NBA enacted a minimum age it was believed that draft would feature more NBA ready players. Funny, High schooler Greg Oden would still be the consensus number one. As it is, the number one will probably still be a project. Either unknown Italian Andrea Bargnani or unknown prior to March, Tyrus Thomas, will be drafted number one. So much for drafting finished products. Check back in two or three years and the talent pool will be deeper.

-This year features more trade rumors than past years. This probably means that not much will happen. It makes sense too. The draft does not have anyone that is a certain star. Why would a team trade a proven player for a speculative pick? Where do the rumors come from anyway? The only teams wanting to trade are the ones wanting to get rid of their draft pick; not the worst idea this year.

-It will take more than Tyson Chandler, Ben Gordon and the number 2 pick for Kevin Garnett. The odds are better for Mike Maruska to be drafted than Garnett getting traded.

-Every year someone gets a promise from a team. It's so eighth-grade dance. This year it is apparently Atlanta checking the yes box and passing the note to Sheldon Williams. Two weeks ago, Williams wasn't projected as a top ten pick. Suddenly he's a top five pick. Considering the Hawks roster consists almost exclusively of small forwards, maybe telling a tough big man he's cute isn't the worst thing.

-The Bobcats “hired” Michael Jordan to have veto power on all player moves. So coach/GM Bernie Bickerstaff and his staff have worked for the past year on a long-term plan for the franchise. Then two weeks ago he is potentially torpedoed by the man who drafted Kwame Brown. Maybe Jordan learned from his mistakes in Washington and will not be as involved as some people think. I can’t see it working.

-Draft the Stache. The Portland sports radio station is running a campaign and website to draft Adam Morrison. It makes sense. The Blazers desperately need positive publicity, not to mention someone that can shoot. Many believe The ‘Stache is the closest thing to a star in this draft. He already has a fan base in the Northwest. His stripped down. “I just want to play basketball” attitude is refreshing. This is especially appreciated in a town used to its stars saying things like “CTC” or worse “Not Guilty”.

-What will the Wolves do? They have needs at several positions. Rashad McCants’ 2007 is in serious doubt, Marcus Banks might leave as a free agent and Kevin Garnett simply wants, and deserves, more supporting talent. By the time the Wolves are on the clock at number six the decision should be made for Minnesota. They should take the best available player among Adam Morrison, Brandon Roy, Randy Foye, LaMarcus Aldridge Rudy Gay or Rodney Carney. And hope it’s not Rudy Gay.

Trading Torii

2006-06-26T14:46:00.000-05:00

The identity of the early 2000’s Twins was Torii Hunter. The young Twins were known for their defense and hustle and the Gold Gloved Hunter was the energetic, easy going icon of these teams. He was an All-Star in 2002 hitting .289/.334/.524 with 29 home runs and 94 RBI, plus daily highlights in the field. Entering his prime at 27 it appeared Hunter’s numbers could still improve. The Twins agreed, signing him to a long-term contract running through 2007.

Four years later everyone is still waiting for a season comparable to 2002. This leaves the Twins no choice but to trade Hunter this summer. While many still consider Hunter the face of the Twins, it is time for the Twins to move on.

Let’s start with this. Hunter’s option next year is $12million. For that kind of money, you better be paying a perennial All-Star. At worst, he’d better be your best player. Hunter is neither. And it’s not close.

There is plenty to appreciate about Hunter. He plays hard everyday, is an exceptional fielder, and when hot is a pretty good power hitter. He is also a pretty good guy. For all of these positives, they do not add up to $12million.

His career line is .267/.321/.458, 23HR and 88RBI. This year he is hitting .264/.340/.421 with 11HR and 41RBI. His stellar 2002 season is the exception. Excluding 2002, when his OPS was 100 points above the league average, his career totals are (.262/.317/.445). Hunter’s line looks pretty mediocre.

The fact that he is one of the highest paid outfielders in the league only makes it worse. In 2006 he doesn’t rank in the top 25 in any offensive category among outfielders.
Rank among outfielders:
Avg .263 (48th)
OBP .340 (40th)
SLG .421 (46th)
OPS .761(45rd)
HR 11 (T-27th)
RBI 41 (T-27th)

He currently has a lower slugging percentage than Dave Roberts. For a player often called the Face of the Franchise, his numbers do not prove it. Hunter is one of the four or five best fielding outfielders, but that can not excuse his lack of offense, and especially power. If he doesn’t deliver on the field, the fielding excellence and intangibles do not matter.

On top of his poor numbers, there are other reasons to trade Hunter. He is 30 and it is not a young 30. One of the reasons he is popular is his effort and recklessness in the field. It is also the reason that last year’s ankle injury will not be the last. He also has a tendency for sloppy play and poor decision making.

The Twins must trade him this summer, because they can’t afford to lose him for nothing. They also can’t afford to keep him under his current contract or sign him to an extension. It’s doubtful that Hunter is willing to take less money here, so the only option is trading him. (by the way, Jim Souhan believes not only should the Twins sign him, but sign him for Johnny Damon-like money)

With Jason Kubel and Michael Cuddyer in place, the Twins are getting power from the corner outfielders. This soothes the ache to have power in centerfield. Lew Ford or a less expensive veteran could fill in for Hunter at much cheaper cost, without greatly hurting the lineup. Or put another way, an underproductive-inexpensive player is preferred to an underproductive-expensive player.

Before Hunter begins cleaning out his locker, there are several obstacles. One hurdle is finding a willing destination for Hunter. The Yankees make sense, but they do not have many prospects to trade. Aside from Steinbrenner, few owners will get excited to trade for an overpriced potential free agent. The White Sox apparently are interested, but they are in the Central. Hunter is attractive to teams needing a centerfielder, but the Twins still shouldn’t expect much in return. A prospect or two may be the best offer.

The other issue is the public perception of trading a high profile player. After finally securing a new stadium, the move will look like a firesale to many people. No doubt, this is a financially driven move, but this is not a firesale either. Hunter is no longer vital to the Twins’ long term success. Trading him is for the long term health of the franchise. With Hunter, Shannon Stewart, Rondell White and Kyle Lohse all expendable, the Twins can save nearly $23million. This is money that can be spent on locking up players like Cuddyer, Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau. It can also be used to find Hunter’s replacement and a regular third baseman.

Regardless of how responsible the move truly is, there will still be fans and possibly politicians that perceive it as the Twins being cheap or greedy. The reality is the new stadium is three or four years away. If the Twins spend above their means now is foolish. It would be like a college sophomore buying a new car in anticipation of a good job after graduating.

Hunter will be missed. He plays hard, is entertaining and was one of the big pieces in the Twins’ resurrection. But now is not the time to get emotional for the Twins or fans. The future is too bright without him.
It is fitting that one of Hunter’s constant gripes is how often the roster turns over. He misses his old teammates like Dougie, Eddie, Jacque and AJ (funny he never mentions Cristian, Luis or Joe Mays). Well Torii, prepare to join them.

Give it a Rest: Local Twins Coverage

2006-06-15T18:15:00.000-05:00

How many times can the local beat writers rehash the same stories? Everyone knows that the Twins have not had a player hit 30 home runs since 1987. Yet, seemingly anytime a player hits more than two homeruns in a series it is big news. It’s about as newsworthy as saying the Twins are a small market team or that Scottie Graham was a pharmacist prior to playing in the NFL. It shouldn’t continually be a big deal. It is definitely an indictment on the Twins’ inability to produce power hitters. But the constant reminders are unnecessary. It will truly be bad if the Star Tribune has a daily capsule following Justin Morneau’s ascent on 30.

On a side note, why must every recap of a game featuring a grand slam be titled to include “slam”, “grand” or “powered”? How about something like Twins Salami Red Sox? Now that’s a good headline.

Adios Ba-Teet-sta

2006-06-14T17:58:00.000-05:00

Tony Batista was a man,
The Twins imported from Japan,
TR promised pop and power,
Maybe to hit behind young Joe Mauer,

With a strange and funky stance,
Who barely fit in baseball pants,
Homer Simpson’s body with Marge’s skill
Fans knew he was over the hill

Far from the Colossus of Clout,
More aptly named an easy out,
Hands of concrete with feet of mud,
Tony Batista: not a stud.

One fine June day after a win,
Tony found out that Bartlett was in,
One more request before you go,
Help Juan and Rondell find the way to the do’.

The More You Know…

2006-06-13T16:58:00.000-05:00

With the NFL returning to NBC, it is the perfect time to have NFL players shoot some PSA spots. Sure the classic United Way spots are great, but it's time to directly address our youth.

Kellen Winslow and Ben Roethlisberger for Motorcycle safety.
(Winslow) “Motorcycles are a lot of fun, especially high speed Japanese racing bikes. What I’m trying to say is you should probably start on a Vespa and work your way up. I guess helmets are a good idea, but the bottom line to make sure your contract is guaranteed.” (Cut to a grinning Big Ben, toothless and bloody.)

Ricky Manning for Embracing diversity.
“People are different and that’s cool. Everyone has a right to not get their ass kicked…Unless that fool has a laptop. I mean what a nerd. He was probably using his laptop to play WarCraft or write programs in C++. That dude had it coming….So like I was saying, everyone is special”.

Sean Taylor for Handgun Control.
“If you’re going to carry a handgun, keep it out of sight. If some dudes want to fight, don’t pull the handgun. If you have already pulled a handgun on someone, plead no contest to lesser charges.”

Winston Justice for Pellet Gun Safety
“Pellet guns can be a lot of fun. But if it gets you kicked off the football team, it will probably affect your draft status.”

Ricky Williams and Onterrio Smith for drug abuse
(Williams) “There are people out there who won’t understand you because you’re a free spirit.”
(Smith) “Some people will question your need for a Whizzinator.”
(Williams) “When people say ‘you are wasting your talent’ and ‘drugs are a dead end’, you tell them you’re going to Canada.”

Terrell Owens for Teamwork and Success
“Life is a lot like football. If you think you’re better than others, say so. If you feel you are underpaid, do sit-ups in your driveway. Sure things can get rough, but in the end someone will still pay you.”

World Cup 06 Preview

2006-06-08T00:47:00.000-05:00

I began the idea for a World Cup preview with a slight fear that I’d be considered insensitive and not funny. While the not funny part still applies, Pioneer Press' Tom Powers’ tasteless article on Monday assured me I was on safe ground.

Even if you are not a soccer fan, an event held every four years that is the biggest sporting event in the World is worthy of your casual attention. To help out, here is a cheat sheet of what to look for beginning on Friday. An asterisk denotes the top two advancing teams from each group. The odds replace FIFA’s rankings, which are very inaccurate.

Group A:
*Germany-The host Germans surprised many in 2002 by making the final game. This time they are very young and it is unknown how skilled. If they don't advance, Jurgen Klinsmann might be exiled to California. One questionable decision was choosing goalie Jens Lehman over 2002 star Oliver Kahn.
Key players: Michael Ballack, Lukas Podolski
Odds: 8/1

*Costa Rica-Their nickname is the Ticos. It’s good enough for me to send them through to the second round.
Key Player: Paolo Wanchope
Odds: 500/1

Poland- Poland scored a lot in qualifying, but a goalie scored on them in their last warmup match.
Key player: Maciej Zurwaski
Odds: 150/1

Ecuador-If Ecuador can find a stadium in Germany 10,000 ft above sea level, they are in business. Otherwise they’re done very early.
Key Player-Ulises De La Cruz
Odds: 125/1

Group B:
*England-They always have premier talent, but never fulfill insane expectations. Star striker Wayne Rooney has a fractured foot and will miss at least the first two games. If Rooney returns and they get good goalkeeping, they could be sound.
Key Players-Rooney, Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard, John Terry
Odds: 13/2

*Sweden-Unlike England, the Swedes tend to overachieve in most World Cups. Their offense is very good and Zlatan Ibrahimovic will be a star.
Key Players-Ibrahimovic, Freddie Ljunberg, Henrik Larsson
40/1

Paraguay-Traditionally the team is predicated on strong defense and boring offense. They are an emerging South American power behind Brazil and Argentina. Will challenge Sweden or a sluggish England to advance.
Key Player: Roque Santa Cruz
Odds: 200/1

Trinidad&Tobago-Making the World Cup is a huge achievement for the Caribbean nation the size of Delaware with a population of one million. With British ties, the England game might be fun. How can you not cheer for them?
Key Player-Dwight Yorke
Odds: 2000/1

Group C:
*Ivory Coast-An African nation has made the second round each Cup since 1990. The Elephants field many European based players, but are in the toughest group in the tourney.
Key Players: Didier Drogba, Kolo Toure, Emmanuel Eboue
Odds: 80/1

*Netherlands-The Dutch always boast great talent but sometimes chemistry gets in the way. This team is younger, but still very talented. A serious contender for their first Jules Rimet trophy.
Key Players: Ruud Van Nistelroy, Arjen Robben,
Odds: 16/1

Argentina-Anything less than a World Cup trophy is considered disappointment to Argentines. They have too much talent to make it work up front and that will be their downfall.
Key Players: Hernan Crespo, Carlos Tevez, Juan Roman Riquelme,
Odds: 7/1

Serbia/Mont: They play good defense and beat Spain in qualifying. The Group of Death is too much for the Serbians, the Montenegrans or their combined talents.
Key Player: Dejan Stankovic
Odds: 80/1

Group D:
Portugal-They played well in Euro 2004, but were a flop in the 2002 WC. Should win the group, barring ill-timed red cards.
Key Players: Pauleta, Cristiano Ronaldo
Odds: 25/1

Iran-I raaan, I ran so far away. Lame joke aside, they will be tougher than expected with several players that play in the Bundesliga.
Key player: Rashidi Karimi
Odds: 250/1

Mexico-Mexico has plenty of talent, but has not played well in Cup friendlies. It is an easy draw, but their first game versus Iran will decide their lot.
Key Players: Jared Borgetti, Rafael Marquez, Oswaldo Sanchez
Odds: 40/1

Angola-Formerly colonized by Portugual, it will make for a spirited match. Rivalry aside, the Angolans do not pose much of a threat.
Key Player: Lebo Lebo, Akwa
Odds: 500/1

Group E
*Czech Rep-The Czechs are slightly banged up heading to Germany, but are primed for a deep run. They have world class talent front to back, including keeper Peter Cech.
Key Players: Pavel Nedved, Tomas Rosicky, Peter Cech,
Odds: 33/1

*Italy-The Azzurri are always a favorite, but this year is a little different. A widespread match-fixing scandal in Italy has things quite scrambled. The Italians still have immense talent and should advance, but injuries and distractions could take a toll. If they can’t win the group they will get Brazil in round 2.
Key Players: Gigi Buffon, Francesco Totti, Luca Toni,
Odds: 10/1

USA- Like 2002, they can make the second round if everything goes right. Placed in Group E is not a good sign. The US will need to find consistent offense from somewhere.
Key Players: Demarcus Beasley, Landon Donovan, Oguchi Onyewu
Odds: 100/1

Ghana-The Black Stars have a very good midfield that will also be asked to score goals. It is a young and rising team, but it will be very tough to advance from this group.
Key Players: Joseph Appiah, Michael Essien
Odds: 150/1

Group F:
*Brazil-Brazil is everyone’s favorite to win it all. They could field two or three squads for the World Cup. Ronaldinho is the World’s best player and he leads a ridiculously potent offense. The defense is good, but can be beaten. Only one South American team has won the World Cup in Europe (Brazil 1958).
Key Players: Ronaldinho, Ronaldo, Adriano, Kaka,

*Croatia-A very good defensive team that can also score. Their star Dada Prso also has a terrible ponytail.
Key Players: Igor Tudor, Dada Prso, Darjo Srna

Japan- Japan is coached by Brazil legend Zico and that's about it. At least they’re the reigning World Baseball Classic champs.
Key player: Hidetoshi Nakata

Austrailia- The Aussies are called the Socceroos which sounds delicious. Guus Hiddink is a good coach, but not enough talent to pass Croatia.
Key Player: Harry Kewell

Group G:
*South Korea-Made the Semifinals in 2002 as host, but it will be tougher this time. Midfielder Ji-Sung Park is beginning to emerge at Manchester United and will be required to organize the Koreans.
Key Players: Ji-Sung Park, Ahn Jung-Hwan.
Odds: 2501

*Togo-Togo may be the lowest ranked team in the tourney, maybe they're the George Mason of soccer. A total longshot, but they do have a threatening goal scorer in Abdeyor.
Key Player-Emmanuel Abdeyor
Odds: 400/1

France- France disappointed in '02, losing in the first round and not scoring. Now they are all four years older, which should work out well.
Key Players: Zinedine Zidane, Thierry Henry, David Trezeguet
Odds: 12/1

Switzerland-A younger team that hasn’t been to the WC since 1994. In a weak group they have a fair chance to make the knockout rounds.
Key Players: Hakan Yakin, Alexander Frei
Odds: 125/1

Group H:
*Spain-Spain is the Michigan Wolverines football of FIFA: Limitless talent, but always underachieves. This group is very weak and when Spain is rolling can be explosive.
Key Players: Iker Casillas, Raul, Fernando Torres, Carlos Puyol
Odds: 12/1

*Ukraine: The first World Cup for Ukraine. Everything starts and ends with forward Andrei Shevchenko. He should carry them to the second round. A very good candidate for a surprise run.
Key player: Shevchenko
Odds: 66/1

Saudi Arabia-The Saudis make every World Cup due to their weak draw in Asia. They have a chance to give up a lot of goals.
Key Player: Sami Al-Jaber
Odds: 400/1

Tunisia-At least they’re better than Saudi Arabia, but no where near Spain or Ukraine.
Key Player: Dos Santos
Odds: 200/1

Final Four: Netherlands, Spain, Czech Republic, England.

Give It a Rest: Spelling Bee Coverage

2006-06-01T17:56:00.000-05:00

The National Spelling Bee used to be a daytime sports novelty on ESPN. The fact that it is now on ABC in prime-time is pretty amazing. I have no problem with that. It showcases 13 year olds that work very hard to be smarter than most people will ever be. For that they deserve all the attention. Whether people truly watch the event out of apprecitaion or mockery is unknown.

Along with the rise of the Spelling Bee is the rise of radio hosts and writers that continually think it's clever to write about the event. ESPN.com has five articles on the subject. Most act like they discovered this oddity. The mocking comparisons to real athletes and sports cliches fly haphazardly through Bristol, CT's bandwidth. Performing a fake spelling bee stopped being cute and clever long ago .

Another day has the same effect: April Fool's day. Every year someone tries to play a joke. Every year said person thinks they invented the April Fool's prank. This year it was MSNBC's laughably poor writer Mike Celizic writing about Matt Leinart joining a ballet troupe instead of the NFL.

Enough already. It's not original. Worse, it's not funny.

The Twins Youth Yo-Yo

2006-06-01T11:13:00.000-05:00

If the Twins think they are in a pennant race they are fooling themselves. The Twins are closer in the standings to the Royals than the Central leading Tigers. One third of the season is already washed away. Small changes can be made to ensure the remainder is not.

A 9-15 start in April was dismissed to their tough schedule. A 16-12 May does not foster great optimism for the summer. It is very apparent this team is inconsistent, flawed in fundamentals, and lacking an overall plan.

No magic bullet will heal their 2006 season. Instead of all the micromanaging, Ron Gardenhire and Terry Ryan need to start thinking about the big picture. Return the inept veterans to the scrap heap and give consistent playing time to people with a shot at playing in the majors in 2008.

It is time for a moderate youth movement. This is vastly different than a Florida Marlins fire sale. Nothing that drastic. This isn’t a call to trade Johan Santana and Joe Mauer. Some simple tweaking and a wise trade or two will leave the Twins in much better shape now and for the future.

The key to the Twins’ recent run has been the ability to regenerate through youth. The organization still has excellent depth, but the pipeline is getting clogged for many of the future starters. By choosing veterans like Tony Batista, Juan Castro and Rondell White, they risk stunting the growth of younger, potentially more productive players who rot on the bench or get held back in Rochester.

Exhibit A is Jason Kubel. Considering he missed all of 2005 with a knee injury, where he should have started the year is up to debate. The minors probably would have allowed Kubel to shake the rust from his swing and gain confidence in his leg strength. Instead he has already been shuttled to Rochester and back in the first two months. It does him no good to shuttle back and forth and wait for inconsistent appearances.

The Gardener himself agreed, saying Kubel is worried about being demoted with every at-bat. How in the world would that seed get planted in his head? Because the Twins feel a dodgy, fragile veteran like Ruben Sierra is somehow better for this team.

Look at Michael Cuddyer for a success story. He is finally playing one position everyday and is producing (.295/367/.576 7HR). Yes, he had 400 AB’s last year and had sub par numbers. Look at his game log and see he was shuttled among four positions and, excluding two stretches in the summer, rarely played everyday. One other thing about Cuddyer, often considered a disappointment last year. His 2005 numbers (.263/.330/.422) at third base are better than his replacement Batista (.250/.308/.417).

This habitual yo-yo with young players extends to pitchers too. Rookie Scott Baker is next in line. With an ERA above 6.00, he is obviously struggling. Their alternative is bringing veteran Carlos Silva from the bullpen. Silva would come from the bullpen because he was demoted there two weeks ago for having too many meatballs on his menu. Baker has pitched well in spots and obviously is struggling now. Keep in mind he is basically a rookie.

Silva is a proven major league starter. If he has corrected his sinker, then there is no problem returning him to the rotation. The puzzling part is demoting Baker instead of keeping him in the bullpen. He gets strikeouts and minimizes walks, exactly what the Twins want in pitchers. Right now he is giving up too many hits, especially home runs. It seems better to work on this in the majors, under the eye of pitching coach Rick Anderson, than in Rochester against lesser hitting. And this doesn’t even address the possibility of screwing with Baker’s confidence as he heads to the minors.

The Twins have ten series until the All-Star Break. Barring a major turnaround, especially offensively, the Twins will still trail in the Division race by double digits. At that point, if not earlier, it is time to start playing young players. If not, the Twins will be in a worse predicament at the end of the year.

The One Packer to Cheer for

2006-05-26T14:20:00.000-05:00

In the news cycle, notoriety and infamy last too long, while stories of goodwill and positivity get overlooked. It is far easier to write cynical and sarcastic pieces. So occasionally, I'll do my best and try to point out someone that gets it.

He might play for the Packers, but everyone should cheer for Samkon Gado. Playing in the NFL isn't enough for the Nigerian-born Gado. He also is working on his MD to help people in his homeland.

Compared to too many pro athletes that spend their offseasons lifting weights, preparing to hold-out, deciding to play or retire or other worse misdeeds, Gado sees the larger picture. Here's hoping he becomes a superstar. As long as he struggles twice a year.

Barbaro? Who Cares!

2006-05-23T18:31:00.000-05:00

Beings I care more about than a dying horse named Barbaro:

5. Minneapolis Drive Time Radio host Dan Barreiro
4. RB Marion Barber III (Not to mention previous Marion iterations I and II)
3. The combined skills and names of Brazilian soccer greats Bebeto and Romario
2. Fictional Elephant Babar
1. Fictional Hood Vinnie Barbarino

What’s the big deal about Barbaro? Google “Barbaro” and you get 10,400 hits. That’s more than Albert Pujols or the Indy 500, and slightly fewer than “Yankees Red Sox”, "American Idol" or "Al-Qaeda". All this attention is for a horse that broke its leg. That’s it. He won the Kentucky Derby and then broke his leg in the next race. Suddenly, his medical status is on red alert, garnering the same media attention when Baby Jessica got stuck in a well. If I watched cable news networks, I'm sure I would find a Barbaro Ticker with the latest breaking stories...Barbaro, the horse that broke his leg in the Preakness and now rests on his deathbed, just whinnied.

Suddenly everyone loves thoroughbreds. It’s not even thoroughbreds as a whole, it’s a love and interest for Barbaro’s leg. Less coverage was reserved for human-athletes that have actually died. Fans have sent flowers and apples to the veterinary hospital. Other people wrote Get Well signs.

"So many apples were sent to the hospital they had to be shared with other horses in the ICU."
Everyone still knows it's a dying, illiterate horse right?

2006-05-23T11:17:00.000-05:00

Today is the NBA Lottery. Slightly more exciting than a coin toss, 14 teams find out where they will pick in the June draft. As far as articles about ping-pong balls go, the Star Tribune covered it well. The article mentions sending assistant coach Zarko Durisic as the team’s representative and good luck charm. Here’s what Vice President Kevin McHale had to say, "Jarko told me he was the luckiest person he knows. I said: 'That's all I have to hear. You're going.' "

Yep, he doesn’t even know Zarko’s first name. If this mistake comes from anyone besides McHale it’s overlooked. Since it does come from the man responsible for the team’s current position in the lottery, it’s all the more egregious.

You might think, “Take it easy, he just made a mistake.” This is the genius that traded away the team's 2006 and 2007 draft picks, only to retain this year’s pick by tanking the final month of the season.

The only hope is that the McHale’s North Oaks residence gets a leaky faucet, and floods the basement, leaving McHale impounded for the entire summer. Then, and only then, do the Timberwolves have a chance at forging a long-term game plan.

Boooof!

2006-05-18T11:11:00.000-05:00

If ever someone was destined for cult hero it is Boof Bonser. Legally changing your name from John to Boof is a good start. He’s 6’4 260, easily the largest Twin on the roster, enhancing his icon status. He also steps into the perfect opportunity to endear fans. After watching the temperamental Kyle Lohse continually regress, impatient fans are sure to find any reason to cheer for Bonser.

Whether Bonser can show better control is questionable. Bonser has always been generous with home runs in the minors. Compared to Lohse’s 8.92 era and average start under 5IP, and hissy fits to match, Bonser might enjoy an extended honeymoon with the Twins. All Bonser has to do is hold teams down for 5-6 innings and give the Twins a chance at winning. The quicker he can erase the memory of Loshe, the better. If Bonser manages to win his first two or three starts, the Metrodome is quickly filled with “Boooofs!

And what if he exceeds expectations? The Twins rally from 9 ½ games back to challenged the Detroit and Chicago in September. Suddenly Minneapolis is filled with “Bonkers for Bonser” T-shirts, The official Boof’s Goofs (or Boof Troop) section in left field, TV Specials, and Bob Dylan’s Ballad of Boof Bonser.

It is much more likely that any turnaround will be a result of Franciso Liriano and someone, anyone that can consistently produce runs. Realistically in a season quickly slipping away, a character named Boof could potentially provide some fun during a long summer.

-Rondell White had his 11 game hitting streak end. This improves his batting average to .187. In May he’s hitting (.286, .302, .381) with no home runs, although he does have four doubles, proving he can still hit for power.

-Scott Baker has pitched reasonably well for a number 5 starter. He is a rookie and struggles should be expected. He is giving up a lot of hits, but otherwise his K/BB ratio is 5.6, which differentiates him from Silva and Lohse. Quotes by Rick Anderson and Ron Gardenhire make it sound like Baker is Rick Ankiel and cant’ find the plate. The fact is he’s their second most consistent starter right now.

-With Torii Hunter playing well after a miserable start, his market value is at its peak. If the Twins fail to move him before the end of the year it will be a mistake.

-With Bonser and Liriano entering the rotation, the A.J. Pierzynski trade couldn’t have worked out better.

Fred Smoot is Humbler, says Fred Smoot

2006-05-15T18:26:00.000-05:00

It is always entertaining when athletes draw from the 3rd person well. Hey, they're rich, talented and usually can back up the bravado. Rickey Henderson used to drop it, he probably still does. It's great. Not everyone has the stones or the game to make it work. So when Fred Smoot describes his nightmare 2005, he gives new legs to the 3rd person, "That was the first time I had to sit and watch my team go play without me. So I think that really humbled Fred Smoot."

Can you be humbled in the third person? If it is the same defensive back that once said, "The Earth is 65% covered with water, Fred Smoot covers the rest," then the answer is absolutely. While some athletes like Terrell Owens go overboard with self infatuation, Smoot falls closer to Chad Johnson. Extreme confidence is the baseline for their success.

For the Vikings new defense to work this year, Smoot must play a large part. The fact Smoot remains confident after last year is a good sign. While no one is expecting Smoot to cover the entire Earth with water's success, blanketing one half of the field should suffice.

2006-05-12T12:24:00.000-05:00

Quick, name the craziest placekicker in Raiders history...If you said Sebastien Janikowski, you'd be wrong. It's Cole Ford! The man that makes Barrett Robbins seem docile. Apparently he is on trial for a drive-by shooting. And not just any drive-by, but a drive-by of Siegfried and Roy's house. Obviously Ford does not appreciate great magic, or white tigers for that matter.

Congratulations to Cole Ford for also passing Donald Igwebuike as the NFL's most notorious kicker.

Vikings Draft thoughts

2006-05-01T16:49:00.000-05:00

I like: Finding two players that they believe will fit the Cover 2. Ernie Sims might have more potential than Chad Greenway, but Sims tends to freelance and miss assignments. It’s doubtful Greenway will be Brian Urlacher, but the Vikings don’t hold that expectation either. Greenway should start on the outside immediately. Michael Huff got a lot of praise, but Cedric Griffin is pretty good too…Trading a sixth rounder for Guard Artis Hicks is nice. It is unlikely anyone in the sixth round will start this year, while Hicks probably will…The Vikings had a plan to draft certain players, and it appears they did.

I’m not sure:The initial reaction is, “I hope they know what they’re doing.” I have no problem with taking players considered “stretches”. Many underrated prospects become excellent players. Drafting too many projects however, is a potential problem. Every coaching staff believes they can turn coal into diamonds. When ego gets in the way, it can blind objectivity. We’ll see in two to three years…The draft really hinges on QB Tavaris Jackson. The Vikings could have reasonably traded for Jay Cutler or drafted Brodie Croyle, Charlie Whitehurst or Kellen Clemens. Drafting Jackson basically says this was their first choice among quarterbacks. Does Brad Childress believe he has the next Donovan McNabb or did the team outsmart themselves? Instead of trading their two #3’s, Jackson probably would have been around in the third round.

I don’t like: The other downside to drafting too many projects is a lack of immediate depth. DE Ray Edwards and S/LB Greg Blue might become the thefts of 2006. In the meantime, the Vikings only drafted one linebacker, and besides Jackson, zero skill position players. Further, only Greenway, and Griffin are ready to play immediately. Include Hicks and that’s three players out of seven. The Vikings may think they are deep enough to afford so few impact players, but I don’t…Prior to the draft, the Vikings front office claimed character was key. Then they drafted Griffin and Edwards, both with character questions. I have no problem with the picks. However, if you publicly say you won’t tolerate poor characters, and then add two to your roster, you better be accountable if they mess up...Drafting Ryan Cook in round 2. The second round is a place to find players (excluding QB's) that can play immediately or within a year. Cook is a project without a position, two strikes right away. If they wanted an oversized, intriguing project, they should have resigned Tonui Fonoti. All he cost was this year's 7th rounder.

At least wait until September to Judge

2006-05-01T16:33:00.000-05:00

The majority says the Texans made a ghastly error. “How can you pass on Barry Sanders?” questions the sports media mob. Reggie Bush is exciting, the Sanders comparison might not be a stretch and he should be a star. For all of that, he’s still just a running back. That is apparently what the Texans saw, and many football writers and talking heads fail to notice.

While selling tickets and boasting an exciting roster is great for revenue and fan interest. On the field it is another story. Winning in the NFL is about substance over style. Name the last Hall of Fame (or future HOF) running back to win a Super Bowl. Aside from Marshall Faulk and Emmitt Smith with the Cowboys, a star running back is not needed to win. What are the ’85 Bears known for? One of the greatest defenses ever first, Walter Payton second. Payton played for some terrible Bears teams for years before Mike Ditka and Buddy Ryan built the defense.

A dynamic running game is a nice luxury, but a strong defense is a requirement for a playoff team. Mario Williams fills the larger need for the Texans. Domanick Davis is a 1,000 yard rusher, and the Texans defense needs a playmaker on defense. Williams has the chance to get 10-15 sacks a year for the next 8-10 years. Bush may be the better pure football player, but Williams is a better pick, and has a pretty good chance of being a Pro Bowler himself. It's not like the Texans passed on Bush in favor of Mathias Kiwanuka or Deuce Latui.

Every team that fancies itself a Super Bowl contender has an elite pass rusher. Great teams usually have two defensive playmakers. Since 1995, every Super Bowl Champion, except the 2001 Patriots, has had at least two defensive Pro Bowlers.

Houston is also taking heat for apparently taking the cheaper alternative. This seems wise to me. Sean Alexander, the reigning MVP couldn’t get $9million, so why would Houston be smart to pay a rookie with 15-carry potential that much? The Texans deserve credit for not blindly overpaying Bush, seeing the larger picture and ignoring popular opinion.

Other Thoughts:
-A plea to all the draft “experts”: Enough with draft day report cards. The cards are based on what teams agreed with the mock drafts, usually ignoring teams that traditionally draft well or not. Further, a draft can’t fully be evaluated for two to three years anyway. Example: Many people gave the Jaguars high marks last year for drafting TE/WR Matt Jones. This year they draft another TE Marcedes Lewis. The Jags get high marks again for finally filling the tight end spot. Huh? Remember 2003 when the Vikings missed their pick and fell to 9? They got poor marks for missing their pick. Of course, they still got it right by taking Kevin Williams

-If Reggie Bush is the greatest running back since Barry Sanders, why didn’t any teams want to trade up to number 2? The same reason last year no teams traded for Shaun Alexander or Edgerrin James. Running backs take a pounding, are replaceable, and are rarely worth high dollars or draft picks.

-The Cardinals got instant praise for picking Matt Leinart. Basically they are getting credit for picking a player the media thinks is a good pick. Dennis Green’s offense is a vertical passing game. Not a very good fit for a weak-armed quarterback.

-One more thing about Leinart. It is not fair to compare him to Tom Brady. Brady is an anomaly; no one predicted anything from him. Leinart won in college because he was a very good quarterback surrounded by ridiculous talent. That doesn’t always translate to the pros. Otherwise Jay Barker, Casey Weldon and Tommy Frazier would be starters in the NFL.

NFL Draft Hodge Podge

2006-04-28T17:20:00.000-05:00

Too short, too inconsistent, too slow, too stupid, too troubled. The same phrases are used every year to knock prospects and every year people are wrong on many players. Part of the reason is that too much emphasis is placed on the wrong combine numbers like the 40 and not enough attention is paid to film and actual production.

Take Alabama Quarterback Brodie Croyle. He has two negatives that scouts point out: durability and inconsistency. Durability is a legitimate concern for a quarterback. His inconsistency however deserves a closer look. As a freshman Croyle played in Dennis Franchione’s power running offense, then learned Mike Price’s spread offense before he was fired, and finally Mike Shula’s pro-style offense. Plenty of quarterbacks will struggle with inconsistency in that situation, and Croyle deserves credit for being a quick learner. Apparently his yearly improvement in an unstable program is worth ignoring.

Speed and size are two of the measurables that teams look for. When a player lacks one of the two, they usually drop in the draft. Michigan receiver Jason Avant isn’t an explosive so he’s not considered an elite prospect. While other receivers are faster, Avant is efficient, which is more valuable than straight line speed anyway.However he is considered the best route-runner in the draft, has good size and good hands (82 catches last year). Other Michigan receivers Braylon Edwards and Steve Breaston might be considered gamebreakers, but Avant will be a solid NFL possession receiver for 5-10 years. At some point measurables must give way to actual production and football talent.

Every year someone will mention Mike Mamula and Tom Brady as the two extreme poles of the draft. One was impressive at the combine and shot up the charts resulting in a monumental first round bust, the other a solid college quarterback and 6th round pick that became a 3-time Super Bowl champ. Despite the two tales of draft bust and boom, the same dumb ideas still pollute the draft.

Croyle and Avant are two of several mid to late round players that range from potential starts, to solid starters, reserves and special teams players.

Eleven Other Intriguing Prospects
RB Jerome Harrison Washington State-He ran for 1,900 yards as a senior at Washington State. He is not big (5-9, 200) but there are plenty of running backs in the NFL at this size. He won’t take 25 carries a game, but properly used, might be a Brian Westbrook or a poor man’s Reggie Bush.

RB Rashon Powers-Neal Notre Dame-Not really a fullback, but is a good short yardage running back. He also is a decent receiver. He might fit well in a West Coast offense where he is not asked to be a lead blocker.

FB David Kirtman USC-Good Receiver out of the backfield and helped open holes for Bush and Lendale White.

WR Mike Hass Oregon State-He’s slow and white. Those are the knocks on the nation’s receiving yards leader. He has very good hands and made lots of plays despite being the Beavers’ only offensive weapon for two years. Think Ed McCaffery.

WR/KR Skyler Green LSU-He is 5’9” and fast. He won’t have 100 receptions or be a red zone target. He will be great on returns and be a change of pace from the slot. A stretch comparison is Dante Hall.

TE Tim Day Oregon-He is not a good blocker. Few receiving tight ends are. He is a potential starter in the mid rounds. He might get overlooked by the numerous tight ends in the draft, but will be a steal.

T Joe Toledo Washington-He outgrew his tight end position and moved to tackle as a senior. He’s obviously inexperienced as a lineman, but is a good blocker and his tight end agility is a big help. A project, but worth a late round pick.

DT Jesse Mahealona-A good pass rusher and very quick.

LB Clint Ingram Oklahoma-He’s fast, forces turnovers and can cover. He also played under a good defensive system.

LB AJ Nicholson-He had better stats than 1st round teammate Ernie Sims. Both Nicholson and Sims have off-field issues, but only Nicholson will apparently suffer in the draft. Some team might end up with a cheaper, equally productive player.

LB Will Derting Washington State- Think Zach Thomas. He’s small and injury prone. He also gets to the ball and makes big plays.

Five Players that might tank (or become Hall of Famers to spite me)
Vernon Davis-Teams always fall in love with someone based on the combine. Davis did have a good junior season, but whenever scouts claim a player will revolutionize their position it’s asking for a letdown.

Antonio Cromartie-Compared to Deion Sanders. He’s started 11 college games and missed all of 2005. Plenty of prospects have possessed “rare ability” with rare results to match.

Tye Hill-Defensive backs in the draft are hit and miss. Pac Man Jones or Antrell Rolle? Ahmad Carroll or Chris Gamble? Troy Polamalu or Andre Woolfork? Quentin Jammer or Roy Williams?Hill is fast, but small.

Matt Leinart-If Leinart didn’t play at USC, would he be as highly rated? Considering the amount of talent surrounding Leinart in college, he got away with some things.
Chad Greenway-No real reason other than his teammate Abdul Hodge is better, but Greenway has the ideal size. Greenway just doesn’t stick out as a great playmaker.

Team you don’t want to draft you (Besides Detroit):Cleveland. Recent high draft picks Kellen Winslow, Sean Jones, Braylon Edwards, all suffered season ending injuries in their rookie years.

Who’s the Crazy one here?
ESPN’s Merrell Hoge says he would never draft Vince Young as a quarterback and wouldn’t take Leinart until the third or fourth round. He says Jay Cutler and Brodie Croyle are the two quarterbacks with the arm strength for the NFL. It sounds crazy and Dan Patrick said as much. Considering how much film Hoge and Ron Jaworski watch, I value Hoge’s opinion more than most experts. He said he looked at all three first round quarterbacks consecutively and Cutler stood out the most. Hoge is in the extreme minority, but we’ll see in three years what happens.

The Wild Card
Excluding Young, the quarterback with the most talent might be Marcus Vick. Earlier this season he was seen as the number pick in the 2007 draft and considered a better quarterback than his brother Michael. He only started one year at Virginia Tech and his off field problems are serious. Right now he is projected near in seventh round/undrafted territory. Some team without an immediate quarterback need could take a chance on his talent. The first sign of trouble, he’s cut at a minimal loss. If he behaves, suddenly a coach or GM looks very smart.

Overall tomorrow’s draft will be exciting. In a sports season with NBA and NHL playoffs, plus a newborn baseball season, it is amazing that most anticipated sporting event isn’t even a game. And like every other rube, I’ll be tethered to the laptop, helmet phone at my side, waiting to see if my team takes the linebacker with good knee bend or the safety with fluid hips.

Purple Zubaz Would Have Been Better

2006-04-28T00:53:00.000-05:00

As ugly as they are, it could have been worse and been a purple on purple motif. This concludes the RDHHH fashion review.

Vikings Draft roadmap

2006-04-26T11:11:00.000-05:00

With the NFL draft days away, now is the time for the ridiculous rumors to reach a fever pitch. While plenty of experts like to construct mock drafts from these rumors, the reality is few people know what will happen on Saturday. As an alternative to a mock draft here is a roadmap of what the Vikings need and hope to accomplish this weekend. After filling 5-6 starting positions through free agency, the Vikings can now use the draft for long term development. At the worst the team has two to three immediate needs in the lineup. The remaining picks will go towards developing depth and future starters. With five first day picks, the team is in good shape.

Linebacker(Round 1-3)Hole to fill: Immediate starter
The number one need on defense is a fast linebacker. This is where the Vikings should use their first round pick. Linebacker is one of the easiest needs to fill through the draft. The odds of a rookie linebacker starting decrease with each round of the draft. Recent first round LB’s Derrick Johnson, Demarcus Ware, Shawne Merriman, Jonathan Vilma and DJ Williams all started as rookies. Compared to less talented and mentally equal (lost) 2nd rounders like EJ Henderson and Dontarrious Thomas, the difference is noticeable. The team’s need for skilled linebackers is high enough to warrant two first day selections.

Quarterback(2-3)Hole to fill: Future starter
The team is comfortable with Brad Johnson for the immediate future, but a potential future starter is one of the prime needs of this draft. While some rumors say the Vikings will trade up in the first round, it wouldn’t make sense. The history of first round quarterbacks is dicey. A second or third round selection makes more sense. There is less pressure at that point in the draft, not to mention significantly cheaper. Trading a first round pick for Atlanta’s Matt Schaub would be a major mistake.

Guard/Tackle(4-7)Hole to fill: depth, potential starter
Considering all of the injuries the Vikings’ line endured the last two years, depth is always necessary. With Steve Hutchinson, Bryant McKinnie and Marcus Johnson, they have a relatively young core of lineman. A future starter at right tackle should be the focus, allowing Johnson to play right guard.

Defensive Back(2-4)Hole to fill: Nickel back, future starter
Depending on how Dustin Fox is used, the Vikings will need a nickel back or backup free safety. Three cover cornerbacks are necessary in the NFL. Considering Fred Smoot’s shaky 2005, and Brian William’s departure, more depth is welcomed. If Fox inherits the nickel job, an eventual replacement for Darren Sharper is a wise investment.

Tight End(3-5)-Hole to fill: Receiving TE, future starter
Following a league wide trend, Brad Childress’ offense will feature the tight end prominently. Jermaine Wiggins is a nice possession receiver, but not the playmaker like Antonio Gates, Tony Gonzalez or Jeremy Shockey. Jimmie Kleinsasser on the other hand is an excellent blocker, but not a large threat in the air. It is possible the team takes a tight end in the first three rounds, but more likely is finding a project on day two.

Running Back(4-7)Hole to fill: special teams
Chester Taylor is probably not a top tier running back. With the Vikings’ improved line it may not matter. If the team does draft another running back (they have four of the last five years) it won’t be until the second day. The one exception is if they find a running back that can return kicks, relieving Koren Robinson of this duty.

WR(4-5)Hole to fill: depth, special teams
The Vikings have decent depth and youth at receiver. A receiver that could help on returns and coverage is a possibility.

Other needs:
Center-A project that could eventually replace Matt Birk.
DT-A run stopper to back up Pat Williams is nice, but not a dire need.
DE-With a rotation of Udeze, James, Spencer Johnson, Darrion and Dequincy Scott, end is in good hands. Minnesota is unlikely to spend a pick here.

The specific players Minnesota takes is unknown and guessing is pointless. Instead of getting hung up on the specific player, judge the Vikings' draft on how wisely they spend their picks. Can anyone honestly say that Ernie Sims, Chad Greenway or Demeco Ryans won't all be busts? In a year or two we can start to compare certain players.

A Hypothetical Question

2006-04-21T10:13:00.000-05:00

After two straight years of losses a CEO of a fortune 500 company has his performance review with the shareholders. He accepts responsibility for the company's struggles saying, "The buck stops with me. There are absolutely no excuses for anything. I wish we had had a lot better year."

Then he promptly asks to stay in his position in order to turn things around.

Review Questions:
1. Would any Fortune 500 company do this?
2. If a Fortune 500 did do this, would they remain a Fortune 500 company?
3. Why would the Timberwolves think a record of failures will magically disappear with the status quo?

Timberwolves are Close to Losing the Wrong Kevin

2006-04-19T12:32:00.000-05:00

To a Timberwolves fan trading Kevin Garnett is the worst possibility. A Garnett fan can only hope KG gets the chance to play for a title. Since Timberwolves fans are Garnett fans, it is quite the paradox.

Garnett has accomplished everything an individual player can. He has absurd financial security, All-NBA and MVP honors, Hall of Fame statistics and Gold medals, but he has not won. Ignore the individual achievements because Garnett just wants to win. There aren’t five NBA players as competitive as KG. After patiently absorbing the frustrations for years, Garnett just wants help either here or somewhere else. And he deserves it. While he has not publicly said so, it really sounds like Help me or Trade me.

This is very different than Brett Favre asking for talent. Garnett is a loyal and selfless franchise player, still in his prime that just wants to win. Favre passed into twilight three years ago and he had plenty of chances to win more. Favre’s demands hold the Packers hostage and he has less to offer than Garnett. Garnett is still one of the five best players in the league. Through constant team blunders, the supporting cast is a desert. Worse they are stuck in salary quicksand, pulled deeper with every transaction.

Steve Aschburner summed up the Wolves’ outlook perfectly. Fans may have seen Garnett’s last game in a Timberwolves uniform. Considering the odds of acquiring playoff talent, let alone Championship talent, it is time for fans to prepare their thank you’s for the Big Ticket.

Commercial Break

2006-04-16T11:36:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posts, and especially quality posts lately. Chris became Big Papi and Mike became Karl Malone and has been mailing it in. While we regain our composure, why not check out something entertaining?

Holy Hyperbole!

2006-04-14T17:27:00.000-05:00

If you want some good hyperbole, and who doesn't, check this out. Baseball America posts their annual top 100 prospects. A quote by a scout or manager is supplied as a summary for each player. This is not knocking the list, they know way more about minor league prospects than most people, but some of the quotes are entertaining and way too over-the-top.

Many of the assessments were helpful, some were a total waste ruined by incessant gushing or crediting a player for great intangibles and being winners Here’s a few of the better quotes:

Anonymous scout on #1 prospect Delmon Young, “Delmon's going to be as good as Delmon wants to be.”

In the same vein as 2 Live Crew’s Nasty as They Wanna Be, Young can choose his own adventure. Do you go for Hall of Famer, settle for All-Star or be a journeyman pinch-hitter and call it good?

“He looks like the next Cal Ripken to me."
Why even play if you can put that on your resume?

“He is one of the most instinctual players for his age that I've ever seen."
How can you not be impressed by someone’s instinctual-ity? When most shortstops get the ball, their first thought is to kick it, but not this kid, he’s got gumption and savvy.

"He's got the arm, the heart and the head to do some very, very great things for that organization."
A good arm and head are good things for a pitcher to possess. Maybe with his big heart he can set up a very, very great food drive.

“He gets the barrel into the zone very quickly and it stays there for a very long time."
So he’s quick to bunt? Marvelous.

"You get the feeling he's going to get a hit every time up. He must have Superman vision or something."
Is there a more worthy compliment for someone that hit .200 last year? I guess if he could talk to animals like Aquaman that would be the ultimate compliment.

"I had scouted Chipper Jones and A-Rod before and to me, Guzman's bat was better. At 16 years old, the kid was as good as or better than anyone I'd ever seen."
Maybe Joel Guzman will be that good, but let's wait until he's higher than 27th on the list before we get crazy.

“You could see he was oozing with talent."
Eww. Anything oozing off my prospect is cause for concern.

"He throws hard and he throws strikes. That's why for me he's a Mark Prior Lite"
Gee thanks, you're calling him a pansey.

"He's got special arm speed, special arm strength, special talent and special makeup. He's got a great temperament for the game and a very special set of skills."
The only thing missing here is exclamation points and typing in all caps.

"He made quick bats look like palm trees through peanut butter."
The classic "palm trees and peanut butter" test. Roger Clemens and Pedro Martinez both fell short on this measurement.

"I've loved him forever. I think he's probably better defensively than offensively because of his intangibles. I love his makeup."
Is this an objective assessment or something more disturbing?

"He's got five plus tools and he has a little bit more ability to use them than maybe we knew.”
Five plus tools? He surely gives 110% too. Why not just say he's a super-dooper big-time really really neat player.

Journalistic pioneer Jim Souhan discovers a baseball is round

2006-04-11T10:21:00.000-05:00

We try really hard not to pick on Jim Souhan too much. Most of the time he attempts to make a decent point, but can’t execute his arguments. Or he pokes fun at someone else’s personal appearance through lame jokes to make a seventh grader groan. It is terrible writing, but not enough to cause an uproat. He's nearly to the point of Sid Hartman, where it's just too easy to pick on him. Today is not that day. He puts on his education hat to tell everyone that Francisco Liriano is going to be a good pitcher. To use a seventh grade phrase, No Doi.

The title is “Only 22, Liriano could be the Twins' future”. This was an appropriate title last year, when Liriano was tearing up the minors. He’s pitched in the Futures game twice. Along with Felix Hernandez, he is the best pitching prospect in baseball. Liriano might be in the rotation by June, if not earlier. Notice how he hedges with “could be”. There is no uncertainty. Francisco Liriano is the future and the Twins expect him to start for the next 5-10 years. Jason Kubel is a "could be".

A member of the Twins' braintrust told me Monday that Liriano has better stuff than Johan Santana, and could be more dominant in the long run.
It sounds like Souhan got an impressive scoop. Then you realize that LaVelle E Neal, a writer for the same newspaper as Souhan, wrote the same thing after Sunday’s game! The Santana comparison was also made last year when Liriano first gained attention.

If you are a paid sports columnist, at least feign that you work hard. Since Souhan is obviously out of column ideas here are some other leads to pursue:

1. The Minnesota Vikings might be interested in a new stadium in Blaine. (the story can also feature jokes about Ziggy Wilf's funny name and funnier mustache)
2. Breaking down the Les Steckel regime.

3. The Timberwolves are dangerously close to missing the playoffs.

4. An exclusive interview with former Wild defenseman Lubomir Sekeras.
5. A recap of the 1991 World Series.(It's still relevant and topical to Jim)

The Best Offseason News so far

2006-04-09T23:41:00.000-05:00

For Vikings fans, nothing lends more optimism for 2006 than witnessing two injured incumbents running in mini-camp. In the last month the Vikings traded a Pro Bowl quarterback, signed five potential starters, including an All-Pro guard, in free agency, but the unheralded returns of Matt Birk and Kenechi Udeze may mark the biggest improvement to the team.

It is still very early, both on the football calendar and each player’s recovery timeline, but the early news is encouraging. Last year when Birk could not recover from hip surgery the offensive line fell apart. Now with a healthy Birk, and new guard Steve Hutchinson, the line suddenly is very strong. Aside from his obvious on-field talent, Birk is also the respected and outspoken leader of the team. Birk’s presence should also help second year guard Marcus Johnson’s progress.

Udeze is not an established star like Birk, but his return from a knee injury is just as big for the defense. After requiring microfracture sugery on his left knee, Udeze hopes to fill the Vikings outside pass rush need. In the team’s new cover 2 scheme, pressure from the front four is vital. A healthy Udeze will simplify that equation.

It is only April and setbacks are possible. Remember Birk was in this situation last year too. After a nightmare season in 2005, any positivity is welcome in Winter Park. With the draft only a few weeks away, things should only get better.

Head Scratchers

2006-04-07T22:44:00.000-05:00

All right, this won’t become a regular thing. If it did I may need an angioplasty from Gardenhire-induced stress. I won’t analyze all 162 games, but since I may lose interest in baseball by August, there isn’t much else going on and it’s been a few days, it’s time to ask some questions. The season is four games old and so far Ron Gardenhire and I are not on the same page. If he’s going to make dumb decisions he could at least consult me first. After a bad 11-6 loss to Cleveland, I wonder Ron, if you could address a few things for us?

- Starter Kyle Lohse allowed 4 runs through three innings, all to the heart of the Indians order. I imagined John Gordon’s call sounded like he was cheating at Battleship, “Hit, hit, hit.” Granted starters are rarely sharp this early in the year, but after digging the Twins an early hole, it was evident Lohse was quite off. After a scoreless fourth, the Twins battled back to trail 4-3. Lohse takes the mound to face Cleveland’s 4-5-6 hitters (in other words, the dudes responsible for four runs so far) in the bottom of the fifth. As soon as Lohse allows two runners to reach, Gardenhire could have acted. Long relievers Matt Guerrier and Francisco Liriano were rested and available. Instead Lohse stayed in to first load and then clear the bases on a grand slam by Casey Blake.

-Ninth inning Twins are down five, facing the right handed Fernando Cabrera. It’s a tall task to come back from five runs down, but it is still worth trying. Due up for the Twins is Luis Rodriguez, Juan Castro and Shannon Stewart. While Rodriguez isn’t the Twins best option he is a switch hitter and hits adequately versus righthanders. Castro is a below average hitter and does not walk. Keeping him in the game to hit is admitting defeat. At that point the Twins do not need slick fielders or quarterbacks on the diamond, they need the best hitters at their disposal. Looking at the bench is Jason Kubel a lefty with some power, and righties Mike Redmond and Tony Batista, all better power options than Castro. Judging by Gardenhire’s vote for status quo, either he felt the game was over or he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Castro stays in the game and strikes out, after working to a 3-1 count no less.

It is hard to assume the Twins will consistently score six runs each game. When it does happen, it is up to their able pitching staff to ensure it holds up. A manager does not often have much to do with the outcome of a game, but in this case Gardenhire deserves some of the blame for not taking action. I’m sure his postgame quotes will mention that “Lohsey” will be fine. Lohse will be fine, but the times when he isn’t rests on the manager to find someone else.

Surely there’s Something Else going on…

2006-04-05T19:46:00.000-05:00

The coverage of Barry Bonds must stop. I understand he is relevant and newsworthy, he’s nearing Ruth, there are two books detailing steroid use, Gumshoe George Mitchell is investigating him and he has a reality show. All I ask is to please wait until there is an actual story. The coverage is completely overboard and I am just bored.

ESPN’s Pedro Gomez relentlessly follows Bonds, only to report nothing. After Monday’s opener he reported that the San Diego fans booed Bonds. The story also mentions that he didn’t homer, which apparently means complete failure. The tone of the piece seemed disappointed that he didn’t A) hit six home runs to tie Ruth or B) inject Human Growth Hormone on sight, admitting his guilt. Wow, he gets paid to go dumpster-diving and shadow the slugger 24-7, yet the only insight he lends is something everyone at home already knew. And this is what he does everyday. He is very similar to the janitor in Billy Madison. “Barry likes to drink soda. Miss Lippy’s car is green.” Thanks Pedro, take your paycheck and get out!

It is everywhere. Barry Bonds has his own section on MSNBC .com. In between “Baseball” and “NBA” is the Barry Bonds tab so you can follow the latest sport. I’m sure they will lend equal time to his chase of Ruth and Aaron, but for now it is the place to learn that he cried a lot on his new show. This is also the place for any baseball “expert” like Mike Celizic, Michael Ventre or Ted Robinson to take cuts at Bonds.

He’s an easy target to be sure, but there must something else to talk about besides Bonds. How many jokes about steroids or his head can writers think of? I don’t personally care for Bonds, and have even made fun of his head, but it is time to find something else to do. So until something of actual substance happens, RDHHH! Has nothing else to say. We now turn our energy to a complete recap of the WNBA draft.

Souhan Tipping Columns

2006-04-05T09:24:00.000-05:00

It's time for another trip in to the literary abyss that is a Jim Souhan article. It's getting to be a bit like poking the helpless kid in the belly for the fun of it. It's merely for our entertainment and let's be honest, he all makes us feel smarter when read his work.

Blue Jays have Santana figured out

For Napoleon it was Waterloo, for Bill Clinton a blue dress, and now it is time to wonder if Johan Santana has found his unexpectedly Draconian nemesis in the form of the Toronto Blue Jays' prying eyes

This is kind of thing is Jim's specialty. Only Jim would lump a 19th century military leader, a U.S. president, and a Twins pitcher in the same thought. Not really even a thought, more like a collection of words written in English, grouped together in a seemingly organized manner.

He has dominated hitters for the past two seasons, at times displaying the kind of stuff you can describe only as "unhittable," and yet the Jays look at him and see Scott Klingenbeck.

Well, I'm guessing they see Johan Santana, but I don't know there might be something in the water up there. If that's the case, I want in. I've been trying for years to get people to look at me and see Matthew Fox. Rugged, yet handsome and caring, with a...

The Twins lost their season opener 6-3 to Toronto on Tuesday night at Rogers Centre, and while baseball openers never answer any questions, they tend to raise a few.

In this case:

Â• If Padres fans throw syringes at Barry Bonds, what should Jays fans throw at Twins hitters? Popguns? Cans of Slim-Fast?

Â• Jays catcher Bengie Molina, when with the Angels, once took offense at a Star Tribune scouting report that accused him of running as if he had a bear on his back. Is it OK to say, after his home run off Santana on Tuesday, that he trots like he has a bear on his back?

Â• Has a season opener ever felt so much like a Readers Digest version of the previous season?

I'm not sure what these things have to do with the story as a whole, besides the fact that they are "baseball" related. And if you're wondering, I have no idea what he means with that last one. It's condensed? It's watered down from last year?? I really want to be in on Jim's brainstorming for columns. The one thing I'm certain of is Jim's self-imposed requirements for hcolumnsuns:

1. Rip somebody'sies weight and/or physicappearancence
2. Use a cultural reference that is outdated by 4-5 years
3. Include at least one verbose sentence that makes absolutely no sense at all and pawn it off as witty and smart writing

He goes on to say that since the Twins were facing Halladay that it's not that bad a loss. So I guess that makes up for the crappy take he has on why Santana got knocked around.

Since Santana usually waits until June to attain dominance, the only surprising trend to resurface Tuesday was the Jays' ability to swing at Santana's stuff like they know what's coming.

In one sentence Jim manages to contradict his entire argument. I can do that, but only when I'm arguing with my wife. The thing is, anyone who does any amount of listening or reading about the Twins would know Johan struggled all through Spring Training with his changeup and getting it down in the strike zone. In his last outing in spring, he basically threw fastballs all afternoon and had some good success. If Jim "knows" Johan takes a couple months to get primed, what weight does the argument carry?

A rumor made its way around baseball last May that Santana was tipping off his pitches, most notably his changeup.

This is a rumor worth investigating...

Gumshoe Souhan is hot on the trail of this fresh story. Seriously, this was a story for five minutes last spring. Wouldn't you think the numbers speak for themselves last year? The thing is that Santana is a relatively young pitcher who enjoyed a big season once he got a spot in the rotation. No one had seen his stuff before and thus the 20 win season. The next year was different, people had seen the changeup and knew the fastball was filthy. But his struggles and "lower" win total (16) was not really a product of poor pitching, but poor run support. Sure he had poor outings and down stretches, but is anyone really okay with saying there's this league wide conspiracy about him tipping his pitches? No, what that is is someone who doesn't have a real story to tell and is too lazy to think of a fresh take. It's lazy journalism and it's lazy speculation.

If Johan doesn't have all his pitches going that hurts him. He relies so heavily on his changeup to counter the fastball that it becomes noticeable when he doesn't have the change going. And thus 10 hits and 4 earned runs and only 3 Ks. We're one game in to the season and Jimbo hits the panic button. I can't wait to see what'll be next.

PETA to protest Twins for Beating a Dead Horse

2006-04-04T12:45:00.000-05:00

The Twins haven’t seen one regular season pitch and they are already crying for the good old days. Only Brad Radke, Torii Hunter, Juan Rincon, Mike Cuddyer, Kyle Lohse and Johan Santana remain from the 2002 team. These six make it sound like their hearts were ripped out Temple of Doom style. Every interview seems to degenerate into a sob session recalling former Twins players. Some of the blame falls on Lavelle E Neal III for continuing to write articles on this topic.

"These are still great guys and guys that enjoy themselves [but] not as crazy," Cuddyer said. "You don't have Koskie throwing itching power in your pants. You don't have Mientkiewicz being ... Mientkiewicz. You don't have Eddie running around naked all over the clubhouse and LaTroy [Hawkins] playing off of Eddie.”

We can discuss all day, and have previously, why the Twins made certain moves. Most moves worked out for the better. So what the Twins remnant is truly longing for is someone to be the locker room clown. It’s a shame that Joe Nathan won’t streak the clubhouse, and Kosie took all of his itching powder with him, at great loss to the Twins.

One thing this article attempts to note is that only six players remain from their 2002 roster. It sure sounds like a lot of turnover, but is it really? After comparing 2002 stats with 2006 opening day rosters, the Twins are actually one of the most stable clubs in the league. Only the Astros and Angels have higher retention with nine players each. 25 teams have more turnover than the Twins. This means that every major league team regardless of payroll, market size or on-field success shuttles through players at a pretty quick rate. Turnover is not a baseball thing it is just the nature of sports.
If Cuddyer and Hunter think it is so terrible, consider the Florida Marlins. Three years ago they won the World Series and now have two players left from that team (and none from 2002 incidentally).
Whether the 2006 version of the Twins will be an improvement over past years is undetermined, but at least give the squad a chance before groaning for the glory days.

RDHHH! March Madness Live Blog

2006-04-03T20:13:00.000-05:00

-Nothing wraps up March Madness like Teddy P, buzzer beaters and tears.
-What's an orgy of horrible commercials without BudLight and Ted Ferguson?
-Obviously Florida had lots of dunks, but can't CBS show some other highlights too?
-I can't wait for the UCLA interview with Dan Bonner: Coach Howland, things didn't go well tonight, your thoughts?
-Nantz closes his interview with Billy Donovan by saying, "It's a great football school and a good basketball team too." Donovan's expression says, "Gee, Thanks Jim."
-And the Man-Crush goes to Joakim Noah. With the entire Florida Gators roster the runner up. Packer's hyperbole knows no ends.
Final Florida 73-57
-I could have made it the night without a Taurean Green shimmy.
-"He's(Brewer) been an octopus tonight. And Afflalo can attest to that." I'm anxiously waiting for that soundbite.
-Packer says 70% of Florida's shots in the last ten minutes are dunks. He's right actually.
-Nantz just made an Adam Vinatieri reference with dropping threes in the RCA Dome. Please stop.
-Packer asks if there has been a team with so many perfect games on one team. The answer is no. The Florida Gators are robots sent to dominate college basketball forever.
3:31 Florida 63-49.
-It's the Coach Applebees commercial, normally annoying. But after the Giligan's Island Applebee's spot, it's a welcome sight.
-Sadly the Yankees/A's game is a bigger blowout, 7-1.
-It's easier to block shots when you can hit their arms.
-"Don't block it into the stands, knock it and keep it in your hands" Put it on wax DJ BP.
-During a dunk(s) replay Nantz asks how many times have you seen it?
-Dear Billy, will trading baskets work for UCLA?
-If/When Florida cuts down the nets, will someone "accidentally" snip Noah's ponytail? Please?
-Unless Farmar is stupid and turns pro, UCLA will be verym very good next year. Joe Shipp's return gives them exactly what they miss right now: scoring.
8:00 59-43 Florida. UCLA is 1-10 from 3. They keep talking about Afflalo, but Mbah a Moute is silent. He was everywhere in their previous games.
-Saturday Packer gushed at Noah's finishing ability. Anyone that is 7-0 with a 7-0 wingspan better finish.
-Stopping a game to review a 2 or 3 really hurts the flow of the game. Refs should use it at the end of a game not with nine minutes left.
-More dunks and the 3 replays we crave.
-After Afflalo scores his first points of the game Packer notes, "That may help him". Thanks Billy, Afflalo probably forgot what it was like to score.
-Wow! Aboya's alley oop was sweet. Yet no replay or two or three.
15:00 Florida 47-29
-You don't have Cingular? You are seww pathetic. I can't believe I even go to basketball games with you.
-This is the time when Packer traditionally unravels. He degenerates into incessant butt-kissing.
-What is the deal with multiple replays of dunks? Ah Dunk! Ah dunk! Ah DUNK! I don't need it, especially anything short of spectacular.
-Early favorite for Man-Crush is Noah. The senseless Magic comparisons continue.
-Coke Zero: Because 1 calorie Diet Coke goes straight to my ass.
-UCLA will probably press, but Noah and Horford will really help breaking the trap.
-Dick Enberg is a legend. Why does CBS use him like a cheap Jimmy Roberts? It's still a good recap of 25 Final Fours.
-The New Adventures of Old Christine: Julia Louis-Dreyfus is really trying hard.
-The best part of CBS is their halftime guys. Seth Davis and Clark Kellog have knowledge, credibility and best of all don't try to be cute or flashy.
-Another new BK spot. This one is much better. The Burger King working on I-Beams? You know it.
-Is Jack Hannah a permanent guest on Letterman? Maybe it just seems that way.
Halftime 36-25 Florida
-UCLA came back against Gonzaga, but Florida has more balance. It will be very tough.
-DiGornio reminds us all why Billy Packer is tolerable.
-You would think UCLA's cheer leaders would be higher than Division III caliber.
-Adrian Moss is shooting a lot. Why?
-Noah just tied the block record. If he gets five blocks will they stop the game and hold a ceremony? Packer seems to think so.
-The bigger Brewer is guarding Farmar. UCLA is forced to set more high screens to get him open looks and create passing lanes.
-Packer and Nantz keep talking about the hallowed Championship game block record.
-After talking about Yannick Noah, Joakim throws it away. Perfect synergy.
4:00 Florida 34-UCLA 22
-Danger! Danger! Game nearing boring blowout.
-Two Cingular spots, sans know-it-all Cingular jerk. Maybe those spots are an homage to Packer.
-Poseidon with Kurt Russell and Josh Lucas. Um probably not.
-Billy Packer knows who Kelvin Sampson is. Congrats. I realize I'm overcritical of BP. If he could make one statement without an air of "I knew that fact and you should now be impressed" I'd let things slide.
-Packer, "Nice concentration by Hollins" as he misses a dunk.
-Farmar is the only Bruin consistently scoring. That can lead to forced shot from him.
-Why wouldn't a company realize the potential of the Tourney and create a clever running ad campaign throughout the tournament? Ad time is apparently cheap, you have three weeks of the choice 18-31 demographic to get your message across. Instead we are stuck with State Farm, Cingular and Applebee's.
8:00 Florida is up 27-17 with Horford, Green and Noah all on the bench. UCLA better do something quickly. If they don't people will start clamboring for Two and Half Men, and no one wants that.
-Packer keeps comparing Noah to Magic Johnson. Just because both are tall and can dribble doesn't warrant a ridiculous comparison.
-Packer,"Very seldom does a guy make a three when someone hits him on the elbow". He says
this as the replay shows a ticky-tack foul that didn't affect the shot.
11:04. 19-13Florida.
-Florida lost three of their best players. Matt Walsh and Anthony Roberson were selfish and the Gators weren't very good in the tourney with them. The fact that both turned pro and went undrafted says something about them.

-Basketball IQ. The hoops equivalent of moxie.
-People make fun of Adam Morrison's dirty stache. Joakim Noah's is underrated.

-So far Florida does not seem fazed by UCLA’s defense. Noah’s ability to pass over the top is huge.

-Nothing says March Madness like a John Mellencamp concert. No word if Michelle n’degiocello was there.

16:12 TO UCLA.
-I’m Coach K and I drive a Chevy. He seems like an AstroVan kind of guy.

-New BK commercial! It’s actually disappointing, but anything is relief from the Big Buhuhkin’ Chicken. The King should have taken a buzzer beater or an alleyoop.

-State Farm commercial…absolutely horrible…for the third week in a row.

18:00 Both teams seem pretty comfortable
Packer has already mentioned Brewer’s body twice.

Pre Game.
It's nearly time to go. I bypassed the Prelude to a Championship because I think three hours of CBS is enough for one night. Before it gets going some quick predictions:
-Florida wins. UCLA's defense is great, but Florida has more options on offense than LSU, plus better outside shooting.
-M.O.P: Taurean Green.
-Cingular Commercials: We will see that prick with a Razor no less than 8 times.
-Billy Packer's Man-Crush Award: The reason we all watch the game. He loves "length" and Corey Brewer is long. If UCLA wins he'll be all over Jordan Farmar.

March Madness Live Blog

2006-04-03T12:23:00.000-05:00

While I realize it’s not the Super Bowl, the NCAA championship game will still have enough drama to keep us entertained. Filled with awful commercials, pompous announcers, and significantly less global interest than football’s big game, tonight’s game is more for sports fans than a social setting.

The game is worth watching for One Shining Moment alone. The other reason is Billy Packer and his grouchy comments. Some of his gems from Saturday’s games:

-“Corey Brewer is so long. He plays like he’s 6’9””. (Brewer is 6’8”, what a compliment)

-CBS shows Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in the crowd. “The greatest college basketball player ever.” Packer then pauses as if he is the only man that thinks this.

-Jim Nantz admits he was wrong about George Mason and gives them credit for their run to the Final Four. Nantz then pauses for Packer's words. Packer says nothing.

The Championship game also crowns the latest winner of the Billy Packer Man-Crush Award. Every year without fail, Packer latches on to one player and can not stop saying his name. Think Mateen Cleaves or Sean May.

In a game desperate for entertainment, RDHHH! will try to oblige. The plan is to begin the game with live running commentary, however two roadblocks stand in the way:

1. UCLA's stingy defense and inept offense induces sleep.

2. Inability to type as a result of gnawing off my fingers from listening to Billy Packer.

Let's hope all goes well and maybe I'll wear gloves just in case.

Twins Demote Shortstop to Wisconsin Dells

2006-04-01T13:48:00.000-06:00

Ron Gardenhire has spoken, and it is utter nonsense. The Twins decided to send Jason Bartlett to the minors in favor of Juan Castro and Luis Rodriguez. Apparently the choice for Castro was based on defense. Sadly it's not an April Fool's joke.

"He's a quiet kid," Gardenhire said. "But in the middle, you have to be vocal. You have to lead, and that's what I told him you need to do. 'You go down there and take control of the infield. You be the leader. Once you start getting that part of the game down, you'll be more confident all the way around.' "

What does Gardy want, someone to tell Tony Batista where to stand? Maybe Bartlett can yell at Lew Ford when he misses the cutoff man or tell Luis Castillo to turn two when a runner is on first. Gardenhire refers to the way Kent Hrbek represnted this type of leadership during his career. If an infield absolutely requires a leader, reason says it doesn't have to be a shortstop. Then Gardenhire takes his half-baked leader theory and erases any shred of logic by saying Cristian Guzman was the leader during his Twins' tenure.

"Guzy controlled the game out there with [Luis] Rivas, and that was hard to do; Luis wasn't always on the same page," Gardenhire said. "As quiet as [Guzman] was, when he saw something, he'd run to the mound if he didn't like something."

Gardenhire better hope he never has to testify in a crime trial; he just doesn't know when to stop talking. Basically to summarize his thoughts, Gardenhire wants Jason Bartlett to be the leader Guzman was. Guzman was a good fielder because of his natural talent, certainly not from any intangibles or leadership. Bartlett is not a Gold Glove shortstop, but when compared to Castro's fielding stats he is more than adequate. Both players saw nearly the same time at short with Bartlett committing two more errors.

If Gardenhire stills insists on considering Castro a better fielder fine, it still misses the most improtant issue. The largest issue for the Twins last year was their offense. They were last in the AL in runs scored and near the bottom of every other offensive category. In order for that to change, they will need to maximize their chances at every position in the lineup. This means Bartlett is the obvious choice and it's not even close. Castro's OPB was a Guzmanesque .279 while Bartlett's OBP was .316.

If Bartlett struggled in Spring Training and they sent him to AAA to find his swing, it would at least be a valid argument. Sending him down to find his inner leader is ridiculous. Again, if it was a matter of choosing between a great fielder/poor hitter and a poor fielder/great hitter it is different. In this case both are good fielders and one is a much better hitter. It's a no-brainer to almost everyone. Of course I never learned how to be a quarterback on the diamond.

KG Deserves Better

2006-03-31T00:00:00.000-06:00

Kevin Garnett publicly says he’s frustrated with the Timberwolves and the losing is taking a toll. My only question is what took him so long? Garnett has done more for the Minnesota Timberwolves franchise than anyone else. The only thing he wants in return is a chance to win. Players have demanded trades for far less noble reasons. To Timberwolves management this should be treated as Code Red. The franchise player is unhappy and it is time make reasonable strides towards pleasing him. This is different than appeasement, or how the Lakers treat Kobe. So it is time for the Timberwolves to lay out and immediately implement a plan to remake the franchise.

Cut the Dead Wood
The first order of business is to show Kevin McHale the door. His terrible decisions and crippling effects have been discussed here plenty of times. It is time for Glen Taylor to separate business from friendship and make a sober judgment on McHale. Dispatch him to Indianapolis to scout the Final Four and then clean out his office and lock the door. When he returns on Tuesday have security escort him to Hibbing.

Stop Making Excuses
Taylor says it is difficult to acquire talent with KG’s big contract eating 37% of the payroll. This is a superstar player that took a paycut for this very reason. Every team with a superstar has similar problems, but most manage to have two stars or at least three consistent scorers. What did Taylor and sidekick Kevin McHale do with their remaining cap room? Sign Trenton Hassell, Mark Madsen, and Troy Hudson to long term deals, and trade Michael Olawokandi’s expiring contract for Mark Blount’s with four years left. These four players total 43% of the cap. While it is difficult to acquire supporting talent, it becomes nearly impossible when the owner and VP of Operations hand out long term contracts to players that average less than ten points per game.

Give Casey Another At Bat
One season is not a long enough evaluation period for any coach, but especially a rookie head coach. Taylor should allow Dwane Casey another year to create the team he wants. That process must start now. With the Wolves assured of missing the playoffs, Casey can devise his off-season plan instead of working on his resume.

Evaluate Young Talent Now
Before the team can formulate a summer plan, they need to inventory what is already here. Can Rashad McCants become a star, a consistent scorer or something closer to JR Rider? Trenton Hassell’s injury has allowed McCants to start and he’s scored in double figures in three of his four starts. Barring injury or ejection, McCants needs the maximum minutes he can handle. The same goes for Marcus Banks. Banks’ contract expires, which makes his evaluation more pivotal. Is he the team’s point guard of the future or too inconsistent to deserve a mid-level contract? Minnesota is already tethered to two cap-draining point guards, making it even more risky to lock up Banks.

The only other young prospect the Wolves have is Bracey Wright. He is currently in the NBDL leading the league in scoring. It is time for Wright to play for the Wolves and see if he can play point guard, shooting guard or neither. He is turnover prone, but can shoot from outside and his defense is also unknown. At this point it doesn’t matter, the Wolves need to see what they have and then decide if he is worth a contract for next year or not.

Define Everyone’s Role
The remainder of the roster is role players and dead weight. Let Casey decide which pieces can contribute and if anything else is attractive in a trade. The players in this category aren’t useless, but it’s important to realize what skills they have and slot them in appropriate roles. For example Madsen hustles, plays hard and is a popular teammate. There are plenty of 6-9 defensive minded bangers available meaning he wasn’t worth a six year deal.

Troy Hudson’s ankles suggest he is quickly declining and the best they can hope for is amnesty via retirement. Marko Jaric is not a point guard, but could serve well in a bench role. Ricky Davis is erratic and will get you 16-19 ppg, but he is not a number two option. Trenton Hassell is a good defender but is not a number three option. Anthony Carter and Marcus Dupree are journeymen, which are plentiful in the NBDL and Europe.

A lot of hard work will be done this summer in the lottery and free agency, but things need to start now. More importantly the team must convey a sense of urgency and unrest to Garnett. If there is no plan in place or it is status quo, Garnett’s frustration will only mount.

Purple Ponderings

2006-03-30T12:51:00.000-06:00

On first glance the Vikings’ 2006 schedule looks very favorable. It is easy to get carried away in March and assume the Vikings will take care of business, but the strength of schedule is definitely squishy. Looking at the number and the Vikings have reason for optimism when viewing their schedule. One major difference from last year is the divisions they face. Last year they played the AFC North and NFC South, which were two of the NFL’s strongest divisions. This year they get the AFC East and NFC west. The two divisions each had 28 total wins, tied for worst in the league.

Playing the AFC East and NFC West is very soft; five of the eight games are versus teams very bad teams. The NFC North should again grant the Vikings four to five wins. That’s nine winnable games plus New England, Carolina and Chicago at home. Some of the highlights:

At Washington: One of the highlights is the Monday night opener on ESPN. Typically the first month of the season is for overreacting, but the Vikings will quickly find out what their running game looks like. The Redskins finished in the top ten in total defense the last two seasons, and still have every starter with the possible exception of Sean Taylor.

Vs Arizona: Playing the Cardinals for the first time since the 2003 season ending loss that knocked the Vikings from the playoffs. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is no longer on the team, but Paul Allen’s horrifying call is still fresh in many Vikings fans’ heads. This is also marks Dennis Green’s first regular season return to the Metrodome.

At Seattle: With their personal off-season spitting match, the Vikings-Seahawks game at Qwest Field is interesting. If both teams play to expectations, it could also be a very interesting NFC power struggle.

At Miami: Depending on Daunte Culpepper’s recovery, he faces his old team. On an improved Dolphins team it is just the kind of game to put the Vikings in danger. Of course Culpepper tends to press in this type of game, which means a cornucopia of turnovers.

Other Thoughts:
-Two weeks ago Brad Childress said he was finished talking about Daunte Culpepper. Yesterday he took another shot at Culpepper saying the quarterback made a mistake rehabbing in Florida. The divorce was ugly, but Childress needs to get past it. He is probably right on many of the issues with Daunte, but a head coach should act more professional The greater concern is the message it sends to his current players. What happens when someone holds out or breaks a team rule?

-While Kevin Burleson would fit well in the West Coast offense, the Vikings should let him go to Seattle. The contract is outrageous and they will end up with a 3rd round pick anyway. Burleson struggled with injuries and inconsistency last year, but will do well with Matt Hasselbach and Mike Holmgren’s offense.
-If the Vikings do receive the Seahawks’ draft pick it, they will hold five day one draft picks. With many of their immediate needs addressed through free agency, the Vikings can draft for depth and development. Linebacker, quarterback and offensive line are the largest needs for the first day of the draft.

-The NFL cracking down on end zone celebrations is ridiculous. Chad Johnson created interest and excitement each time he scored. When he scored in Detroit and didn’t celebrate, the disappointed Lions fans booed him. What more evidence does the competition committee need? NFL fans want entertainment. Using planted props like Terrell Owens and Joe Horn is overboard, but don’t stifle players like Johnson simply trying to have fun. If it's vulgar or excessively long in length, throw a flag, but if it's just entertainment let it go. If you want a rule how about the Dwayne Rudd Rule? Celebrating 2 yard losses or 8 yard gains warrants a five yard penalty. Another caveat: if the end zone celebration is poorly executed, it’s a five yard penalty on the PAT.

-NFL.com’s dinosaur Gil Brandt is already preparing for the 2007 NFL Draft. Give it a rest. Brandt is one of the guys that loves his numbers and gives lame insight about how one gentleman A's 40 time was .3 seconds faster than hoodlum B.

In other fat-athlete news...

2006-03-28T15:20:00.000-06:00

This from Fanball.com

Lions general manager Matt Millen acknowledged on Monday that wide receiver Mike Williams is overweight. "Aren't we all?" Millen told a Detroit Free Press reporter who asked whether Williams was carrying extra weight. "Am I concerned about it? Not right now. The approach right now is pretty good." Williams finished last season with 29 receptions for 350 yards and a touchdown.

Does anyone else find this absolutely hilarious? I'm really curious to know what the current "approach" is for Williams. If I'm a Lions fan, I'm sending L.A. Weight Loss pamphlets and informational DVDs to the Lions front office. Williams was ridiculously slow last year. We've said it before but we'll say it again, how does Millen have a job?

Offensive Tackles have weight problems. Normal people have weight problems. Truck drivers, security guards, plumbers. Wide receivers don't have weight problems. First round picks don't have weight problems.

Cutting off your nose to spite your face

2006-03-26T05:58:00.000-06:00

The Seattle Seahawks must be proud. After the Vikings and agent Tom Condon drafted a creative contract to pry Steve Hutchinson from the Seahawks, Seattle now signs Nate Burleson to a similar contract complete with "poison pill" stipulations.

Obviously the actual guaranteed money Burleson will see is far less, meaning Seattle basically made the move for show. They are unhappy with the way they lost Hutchinson and felt some sense of vindication by sticking it to the Vikings.While there is nothing wrong with gamesmanship it doesn't appear to be a fair fight.

Hutchinson is a 2-time Pro Bowl selection, widely regarded as one of the top lineman in the league and is entering his prime. Burleson has one 1,000 yard season, no Pro Bowls, struggled in 2005 and only 33 starts. He is a good fit in Seattle and should improve, but a seven year $49 million contract for an unproven receiver is a little excessive. The Vikings also get Seattle's 3rd round pick since Burleson was a restricted free agent.

The trouble is, Seattle created this problem. Instead of signing Hutchinson to a long-term deal or applying a franchise tag, they made him a transition player which allowed the Vikings a chance at one of the best players available in free agency. Lock Hutch up or shut up.

The Weak in Review

2006-03-24T13:28:00.000-06:00

There once was a man named Kemp,
Who gained much weight due to hemp,
He wants to play ball
And enter the Hall,
His odds are on par with Will Demps’.

Daunte Culpepper took to the sea,
Six months later he entered a plea,
He was shooting the craps,
With no ladies in laps,
Says his lawyer named after a tea.

There once was a man named Barry,
Because of drugs his back became hairy,
He’s filing a suit
Over things that are moot,
His intolerance like one allergic to dairy.

March Madness is better than a KFC Snacker,
Aside from the games with the grouch Billy Packer,
He growls and acts real mean,
‘Bout teams he's never seen,
He invents more bugs than a computer hacker

A man moved to Hollywood hills,
To further his musical skills,
He painted his home,
In purplish tones,
Now Boozer is left with the bills

Jim-Nausea

2006-03-24T10:27:00.000-06:00

Wanna hear some funny jokes? Don’t read Jim Souhan, where terrible analogies and puns are the constant (one of the rare exceptions was his Tuesday column which was actually on point, made valid points and was void of lame jokes). Sometimes Jim appears bitter and takes pleasure in gutting players, teams or whole sports, at other times he just makes terrible points and conclusions, but if there is one consistency with Souhan, it’s hyperbolic humor and jaw-dropping awful one liners. Even in the most benign article about the Sweet Sixteen, bad humor is unavoidable.

Unless you're addicted to ESPN -- and there is a cure for that affliction, known as "Cold Pizza" …
Yes, Cold Pizza is a terrible show and Souhan is about two years late in slamming it. The only thing less original is ripping Stuart Scott for yelling Booyah or Dick Vitale for being annoying.

When underclassmen began leaving college to enter the NBA draft, or skipping college altogether, we heard that the popularity of the college game would go the way of Enron stock.
He drew from the Cold Pizza well, so why not an Enron reference? How about working in a Dick Cheney and gun control reference? No, do the Florida Election!

Ohio State has recruited star center Greg Oden. They'll be lucky to keep him for a full season.
Classic Souhan hyperbole. What’s Oden going to do, turn pro in January because he’s bored? Unless Oden goes Przybilla on the Buckeyes, it’s a safe bet he will be there a full season.

Some people joke that college was the seven best years of their life. Someday Oden will say college was the seven best months of his life.
Some people named Jim Souhan love that joke.

The regionals promise another perfect storm of intensity and unpredictability this weekend. Next year, I highly recommend that the Big Ten participate.
Zing! Finish with a rim shot and thanks for coming.

Let it Rain! And please pass the low carb donuts.

2006-03-23T18:10:00.000-06:00

Shawn Kemp is making an NBA comeback. All I can say is it’s about time. Comically notorious figures like Kemp need to stay in the spotlight. JR Rider, Doc Gooden and Maurice Clarett get it, and now Kemp is catching on. Staying relevant is all about exercise, especially exercising poor judgment.

Kemp has reportedly lost 50 pounds, which is still about 40 pounds heavier than his optimal playing weight of 230. "My love for the game is very, very high," Kemp said. By “love of the game” Kemp means his conciousness and “very, very high,” meaning very, very high.
Also partaking in the nonsense is Kemp’s agent Tony Dutt, "I was basically relaying the information the GMs were giving me: 'Until he loses the weight, we don't care if he can score 30 points a game. When he loses the weight, give us a call.’ So there are going to be some phones ringing."

For one thing, Kemp averaged more than 20ppg once in 14 seasons and second, no GM would turn down anyone capable of scoring 30pts a game, drug-addled, overweight walrus or not.

Thanks to Dutt’s great advice, Kemp will now wait by the phone like a seventeen year old boy who just asked a cheerleader to prom. At this point the motive seems clear, Kemp is short on cash and figures Isaiah Thomas will take a chance. Then he drops this head scratcher: "I'm not playing just to make someone's roster. I'm not just playing to make a comeback. My hopes and dreams are to be in the Hall of Fame one day."
U-G-H!

Vikings sign McMahon: Say Valerie Vomit is next.

2006-03-23T14:26:00.000-06:00

The Next NFL Commissioner

2006-03-23T13:22:00.000-06:00

First of all, where does this Condoleezza Rice rumor come from? Going from negotiating with Koffi Annan and Kim Jong-Il to dealing with Drew Rosenhaus and Al Davis looks like a step down. Now that Rice denied the NFL, the derby is wide open. Of course with the proper publicity and TV coverage, Jerry Rice may put his name in the hat.

10. Isaiah Thomas-Oops wrong list.

9. Joe Namath-First order of business: Getting that kiss from Suzy Kolber

8. Don Zimmer-He’s just so darn cute. He could get an Army helmet with the NFL logo.

7. Reggie Fowler-According to his resume, it would be his second stint as commissioner.

6. Flavor Flav-The Texans are now on the clock boyeee!

5. Vince McMahon-What’s that? He already tried his hand as football executive? How did it turn anyway?

4. Jerome Bettis-His parents would keep him from becoming drunk with power.

3. Deacon Jones-Trouble with Jerry Jones or Daniel Snyder is solved with a head slap.

2. John Madden-What you’ve got here is Boom! Labor negotiations! Plus the Madden Cruiser doubles as comissioner's mobile office.

1. Bono-Forget AIDS in Africa. Someone needs to address the ambiguity of Transition Player contracts. Help us Bono-Wan you're our only hope.

Vikings 2002 Draft Recap

2006-03-22T20:12:00.000-06:00

NFL Drafts are funny things. Mock Drafts run all winter and spring predicting the picks, then immediately after a pick is made, the pick is scrutinized. The scrutiny is usually based on these Mock drafts, far from precise. Even the most knowledgeable football writers don’t have a clue immediately after a draft.

For a better perspective of teams that have good drafts, it is time to judge the 2002 draft. Three seasons in the league is enough time to at least winnow out the busts. It shouldn’t surprise anyone that three teams that had good drafts, Indianapolis, New England and Philadelphia all are perennial Super Bowl contenders. Sure hindsight makes it obvious who the best players were, but good scouting and personnel men usually find the best players. For this review, best players available had to be a realistic need for the Vikings at the time.

First Round (7th) Bryant McKinnie OT Miami.
The Plan: The Vikings needed help all over, but especially both lines. The team really wanted Ryan Sims, taken by Kansas City. Experts considered McKinnie a can’t miss star, even drawing comparisons to Anthony Munoz.

Who else was available: Roy Williams S, John Henderson DT, Levi Jones OT, Dwight Freeney DE

Grade: B-: McKinnie began his NFL career holding out midway through his rookie year. He did crack the starting lineup by the end of the year and hasn’t relinquished his left tackle spot. While the Vikings lucked out by missing the underachieving (or overrated) Sims, McKinnie hasn’t played in a Pro Bowl. He is solid, but not the cornerstone lineman many predicted. Ironically, the two players with the most success (Jones, Freeney) were both criticized as bad picks.

Round 2 Raonall Smith LB Washington St
The Plan: Former coach Denny Green largely ignored the defense, especially linebackers. Considering the roster boasted Greg Biekert, Lemanski Hall and Henri Crockett, Smith was an obvious upgrade.

Who else was available: Larry Tripplett DT, Tank Williams S, Anthony Weaver DE, Michael Lewis S, Sheldon Brown CB,

Grade: D: Smith didn’t see a snap his first year and didn’t see serious playing time until 2005. Call it bad luck, but Smith still must be labeled a bust. A second round pick is expected to be a starter at minimum. Considering three of the better defensive backs all were taken this round makes it even worse. Tripplett and Weaver, while not Pro Bowlers, definitely qualify as pieces of a solid defensive line.

Round 3 Willie Offord S South Carolina

The Plan: With linebacker addressed in round 2, the Vikings turn to their constant Achilles: the secondary.

Who else was available: Ben Leber LB, Will Witherspoon LB, Brian Westbrook RB, Chris Hope S,

Grade: C+: Offord started some as a rookie and was clearly not ready. He’s very good against the run, but struggled in coverage in the past. Learning behind Corey Chavous seemed to help, as he played well in the playoffs two years ago. He tore his ACL in 2005 and missed most of the season. With Chavous leaving, he may end up starting in 2006.

Aside from Witherspoon, it’s hard to argue picking anyone else in the 3rd round. Unless they took a DB in Rd 2 and LB in Rd 3, but that’s hard to tell at the time.

Round 4 Brian Williams CB North Carolina St
The Plan: Find a corner better than Waswaa Serwanga, Kenny Wright, Robert Tate or Keith Thibodeaux.

Who else was available: David Thornton LB, Randy McMichael TE,

Grade: B+: The Vikings found an above average corner in the fourth round. Williams isn’t a shutdown corner or a playmaker but was pretty steady, picking off 12 passes in four seasons. Considering all the Ramos McDonalds and Denard Walkers in Vikings’ history, Williams shines even brighter. He struggled in 2004 and was unhappy as a nickel back in 2005. Williams signed with Jacksonville in free agency for big money.

Round 4 (Trade w Browns) Edward Ta’amu OG, Utah
The Plan: The Vikings traded up to acquire a lineman they could groom to replace David Dixon.

Who else was available: Andra Davis LB, Scott Fujita LB, Rocky Bernard DT, Aaron Kampmann DE

Grade: F: Ta’Amu, considered a steal by some analysts didn’t make the roster. He signed with Houston and played as many NFL games as me. He did punch a man for setting off illegal fireworks, which is worth something. Considering the players the Vikings could have had in the fifth round just makes it worse.

Round 6 Nick Rogers LB/DE Georgia Tech
The Plan: The Vikings saw a potential pass rusher in Rogers. His college head coach was George O’Leary, a Vikings coach who advised the pick.

Who else was available: Marquand Manuel S, Chester Taylor RB,

Grade: C: Rogers played well his rookie year with two sacks and 43 tackles, mainly on special teams. The Vikings just couldn’t find a spot for the “Tweener”. A decent pick this late in the draft, Rogers is headed for his fourth team in five seasons. Interesting note the Vikings passed on Taylor, their new feature back. 2002 marked the only Mike Tice draft without a running back taken.

Round 7 Chad Beasley DT Virginia Tech

The Plan: It’s the seventh round, time to address the defensive line.

Who else was available: Ronald Curry WR, Raheem Brock DE, Carlos Hall DE, Brett Keisel DE, David Givens WR, Kevin Shaffer OT, Kyle Kosier OG, Rock Cartwright FB

Grade: C-: It’s tough to expect much in the seventh round, where every player has questions or limited ability. On the other hand, looking at the list of solid players other teams found, points must deducted. Just because it’s the seventh round does not mean there’s no talent.For Beasley's part, he's played for the Browns' practice squad the last three years.

Overall the Vikings drafted no Pro Bowlers, two starters and a third with the potential to start.

RDHHH's Great Sports Movies: Major League

2006-03-21T17:39:00.000-06:00

Major League

One of the best sports comedies of all time. A group of misfits unite to make an improbable run to win the pennant, thwarting the owner’s plans to move to Florida. Of course it’s a cliché storyline, but the quotes and characters make this movie great.

Every character adds something different: Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn, the flamethrower from the California Penal league, Pedro Cerrano the Cuban voodoo who looks like Carlos Delgado and played by a young and starpping Dennis Haysbert, Lou Brown as the gruff manager and Wesley Snipes as Willie Mays Hayes (poorly replaced in the sequel by Omar Epps), in his pre-Blade, pre-direct-to-video days. And of course any credible sports movie will have Chelcie Ross as the antagonist. And you can’t forget Bob Uecker as Harry Doyle the team play by play man. Former Brewers pitcher Pete Vukovich earns bonus points for his portrayal of rival slugger Clue Haywood.

Major League truly rises above other baseball movies on the strength of the quotes. (For an alternate experience watch an edited version on cable where "F**k you Joboo...” becomes “Up your bucket Joboo...”, and "Strike this f***in guy out!" becomes "Strike! this guy...OUT!" ):

Lou Brown: Come on Dorn, get in front of the damn ball! Don't give me this "ole" bullsh**!
____________

Pedro Cerrano: Hay-soos, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.
____________

Harry Doyle: [before the playoff game] Monty, anything to add? Colorman: Ummm... no. Harry Doyle: He's not the best colorman in the league for nothing, folks!
____________

Harry Doyle: [Hayes takes his lead off first base] We don't know where Hayes played last year, but I'm sure he did a hell of a job.
____________

Cerrano: Pissed off now Joboo, look i good to you, i stick up for you, you no help me now...........I say, f*** you Joboo, I do it myself.
____________

Willie Mays Hayes: Willie Mays Hayes. I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes.

Lou Brown: You may run like Hayes. but you hit like sh**.

Sure the movie is predictable and the two sequels were increasingly poor, but Major League set the gold standard for baseball comedies. They don't really make movies like this anymore. Don't get us wrong, this isn't high brow, but there's something about it so much funnier than anything we've seen recently. To be honest w'd love to see HBO or ESPN develop a baseball comedy series akin to Arrested Development or the like. There's just so many places to go and the opportunities for storylines are endless. Oh well, until we can quit our jobs and write for a living...and get agents...and get meetings with the mukety mucks, it'll have to wait.

In other NFL news...

2006-03-21T17:13:00.000-06:00

Is Joey Harrington Dead?
Rod Marinelli said, "he's not with us", "we're moving on without him" and refusied to say he cut Harrington. It almost implies Joey passed away. Please just acknowledge that yes the Lions cut him. Joey’s family is starting to worry.

Give him an inch…
Last week the Dolphins acquired Daunte Culpepper. This week they signed WR and Culpepper’s pal Kelly Campbell. Campbell didn’t play in 2005 after the Vikings cut him in September. Suddenly he’s a hot prospect for the Dolphins? K-Cam is best known for excessive celebration penalties and weapons charges.

T.O in Big D
Everything is peachy in Dallas now. Just wait for training camp when Bill Parcells calls Terrell Owens a girl. This is a guy that releases a rap song ripping the Eagles and bragging about getting paid. Sounds like someone who has learned from his past. The real reason Owens is not in Philly: wearing tights in practice.

Out-of-Context Quote of the Week:
"It was great to see our guys, our coaches get our hands on all of those athletes," Childress said. "They're kind of trying to feel us out, we're going to feel them out a little bit. But it all starts off today in terms of our offseason."

Vikings Free Agency Update

2006-03-21T13:25:00.000-06:00

Okay first of all, how sweet would it be if your professional title was "Special Master"? In any case with a little help from a Special Master the Vikings finally signed Steve Hutchinson yesterday. Forced to wait for Seattle to match the offer, the move is large in several ways. It instantly upgrades the Vikings shaky line, adds more power to the running game, and diminishes Seattle’s running game all in one fell swoop. Suddenly the Vikings’ line looks much better than last year: Bryant McKinnie, Hutchinson, a potentially healthy Matt Birk. With free agent signee Jason Whittle, Marcus Johnson in a second, and hopefully more relaxed year, Rosenthal, Goldberg, Liwienski and possibly another lineman addition through free agency or the draft things look a little more bright than they did going into the '05 season. At 28, Hutchinson is in his prime and instantly becomes the best guard since Randall McDaniel. You won’t hear his name much, which is exactly what McDaniel did for years.

Now that the Hutch contract is signed, the Vikings can proceed to other needs. Linebacker remains fairly untouched this offseason. Probably the most important aspect of the Cover 2, look for more movement from the Purple in this position. Ben Leber isn’t a big name, but he is familiar with the Cover 2. The alternative to Leber was paying Will Witherspoon $10 million in guaranteed money, a little too steep for a position with multiple holes.

Strong safety is one that remains a bit of a toss up. The Vikes seem to like Willie Offord enough to keep him around. If he can stay healthy he may slip into a starting spot. They lost out on Will Demps last week to the Giants and Dexter Jackson signed with the Bengals. Which leaves the Vikes few attractive names, especially for a team moving in to the Cover 2. We haven't heard a ton about Dustin Fox lately, but he was starting to get some serious attention in camp last year until he got hurt and had to sit out the season. It's possible he could compete for time as well.

(Backup?) Quarterback is a little more of a pesky spot. At this point it's tough to see anyone else coming in and supplanting Johnson as the starter. Rumblings have increased in the last few days that the Vikes might be more willing to wheel and deal to get one of those top QBs in the draft. Opinion is extremely mixed; some believe that Leinart and Cutler are far over-rated and are the product of an amzing supporting cast and the hype machine respectively. Young isn't the ideal fit for the West Coast offense and I think some are wary (warranted or not) of his football accumen. On the other hand the QB crop seems to drop off a bit after the initial three. Free agents available are less than impressive and it's the first time in years that Vikings fans have a genuine reason to be worried about the QB position. There's so many ways this thing could go. With the amount of information coming out of Winter Park recently and draft day approaching fast, the information is only going to get more sparse.

Fullback seems to be taken care of today with the signing of Tony Richardson. I haven't had a chance to watch a lot of Chiefs games, but looking at who he has blocked for, I think it's safe to say our running game just got a lot of help. The Vikings also signed Joey Goodspeed during the offseason, but I can't see him being greater than a bit player next season.

O-Tackle is a bit more interesting. The only real significant UFA left is Jon Runyan, and Childress hasn't showed any interest in him at this point. Which is just fine. Unless the Triangle's opinion of Runyan changes in the next few weeks, I doubt he'll be wearing purple next year. The safe bet is they'll invest some draft picks on linemen this year. After the departure of Nat Dorsey the new crop gets a little slim. This could be worthy of a second or third round choice.

So far the Vikings have done a decent job in free agency. It’s obviously easier with the league’s second most cap space, but plenty of teams squandered considerable loot in the past. They probably overpaid a little for Hutchinson, but the need was too great. Hutchinson is one of a handful of players this offseason worth a huge contract.

Obviously Brad Childress believes Chester Taylor is a good fit for his offense. He is bigger and more durable than Mewelde Moore and excelled in his limited opportunities in Baltimore. There's no word on whether Onterrio Spliff will be on the roster come July, but he is another option if they're willing to invest a roster spot on someone who already has three strikes against him remains to be seen.

Oh how things have changed for the Purple. Save for the Daunte nonsense, the offseason has been a good one for sure. With somewhere around $15 or $16 million left to spend, it could get even better. The moves haven't necessarily been the most popular or Fantasy friendly, but very, very solid. What happens in these two months leading up to the draft remains to be seen, but it's safe to say that they're not done yet.

Torii Hunter and the Skipping Record of The Good Ol' Days.

2006-03-21T09:42:00.000-06:00

Is it just me or is this like the fifth time we've read this story. I think it's probably the fifth time we've written about this too, but I just couldn't resist. It's my weakness. And throw in the fact that it's written by "Poo-han" (Hey if he gets to use lame humor and overwrought metaphors, I get to say Poo-han), makes it all the more tasty.

Here's a few of my favorites:

He has lived a lifetime in Twins pinstripes, has become the face of the franchise that nurtured him, and will play out his existing contract this year. You would think the prospect of playing elsewhere would be repugnant. You would be wrong. Why? Look at it from Hunter's perspective. Four years after a proud, young lineup took the Twins to the playoffs for the first time since 1991, Hunter is the only regular of that 2002 lineup remaining.

Ahh, a lifetime indeed. There's so many memories, so many. I know it's arguable, but if Hunter is the "face" of this team, I have serious doubts if anyone will ever remember anything about this team during his tenure here. And here we go again. It's time for this month's installment of "Remember When". I'm sick of looking at it, "from Hunter's perspective." Because it isn't perspective. It's short-sighted and lacks any semblance of leadership that the "face" of a team is supposed to show. Oh and there's more.

When Hunter got together with friends to watch basketball on Friday night, he did not join Justin Morneau and Joe Mauer. He visited the house of Red Sox slugger Manny Ramirez, along with Twins second baseman Luis Castillo, and Mike Lowell and Gabe Kapler of the Red Sox. Had he not been playing in the World Baseball Classic, David Ortiz, a member of the 2002 Twins, would have attended.

None of those players have remained with one franchise.

None of Hunter's position-playing peers remain with the Twins.

Okay now it's Shakespeare's time to shine. It's nice to know Jim is plugged in to the social agenda of Torii, but does he honestly think it's important to the story to bring up the fact that he spent time with players from other teams? How many players in this day in age DO stay with one team for their entire career? I'd argue it's less than 10% for sure. So Jim's hard hitting commentary on this seemingly wayward group of vagabonds getting together to watch some hoop is lost on me. Oh and apparently we're supposed to feel sorry for Torii that his position-playing peers are all gone. Cuz, you know there were some great ones in that bunch.

And now Hunter is witnessing the departure of the biggest stars on the Twin Cities sports scene.

Kirby Puckett is no longer with us. Daunte Culpepper and Randy Moss have been dispatched. Kevin Garnett is the subject of trade speculation. And this could be -- probably will be -- the last year in Minnesota for Hunter, Twins starter Brad Radke and left fielder Shannon Stewart.

Puckett was a legend, but hadn't played a game in ten years. Garnett isn't gone and I have yet to hear one legitimate trade rumor. Moss needed to go, Culpepper forced his way out, he was not dispatched. And losing Hunter and Stewart is simply a matter of performance versus price, while Radke has become more and more ambivalent about his baseball career over the last couple years.

"I've been hearing rumors about Kevin Garnett," Hunter said. "Daunte is gone, Moss is gone. I thought Moss would be there forever. Kirby passed.

Torii Hunter is not a great football mind.

Does the modern ballplayer covet a one-team career?

Ugg! Do horrible sports writers covet a one-paper career?

One popular theory holds that a new stadium would allow the Twins to keep their high-priced players. "Think about this, though," Hunter said. "I'm 30. A stadium takes three or four years to build. I'm gone by then. The stadium has nothing to do with me. It has something to do with Mauer, Morneau, Jason Bartlett, the younger guys.

When did we anoint Hunter the status of an elite player? One that deserves to be re-signed no matter how large the contract? I'm glad Torii knows the stadium has nothing to do with him, he's right. He knows he's gone, he knows it. If I'm a general manager with half a brain, I look at how much I owe Hunter next year ($13 million), shake his hand and thank him for his 13 years of service. Boy we'll always remember those Gold Gloves, oh and the DQ commercials, and the time you punched Morneau, and how much you bitched every time one of your pals got dealt or signed away.

We think of ballplayers according to the laundry they wear, but ballplayers think of themselves as a large, fluid fraternity of nomadic athletes.

And again I say UGG!

Hunter has been a model ballplayer. He's talented, hard-working, engaging, team-oriented, honest to a fault.

Let's break this down a little. Hunter is a great fielder with mediocre to good numbers at the plate. Does that translate into "talented", yeah I suppose so. Hard-working? Couldn't tell ya. Engaging? To certain people. Team-oriented? Like I said, we've read this story more than once. Honest to a fault? I'm not sure how that defines a model ballplayer, but whatever, fine.

But will the Twins spend about $10 million a year on a great defensive center fielder who runs into walls and hits 20-plus homers a season? Will Hunter accept a lower offer from the Twins than he could get from, say, the Red Sox or Angels?

Probably not.

"Conjunction junction, what's yo' function...", and Shakespeare levels us again.

No no they won't. I get the feeling Jim thinks they should. Sorry but great defensive centerfielders are exciting but not worth big bucks. And 20 plus homers? No, still not worth $10 million, $3 million less than he is actually due to receive. I have had my beefs with Terry Ryan's M.O., but one thing I due admire is his unwillingness to over-pay for players. He knows Hunter will hit the market and get courted and snatched up by a large market team, maybe either NY team, maybe Boston, maybe St. Louis. And they'll overpay and give him big market money and he'll give them exactly what he gave the Twins.

Hunter didn't even realize he was the last position player from the 2002 Twins until someone mentioned it this spring. "Amazing, huh?" he said. "It's strange. When I walked into the clubhouse for the first time this year, it was different. There were a lot of young guys in here. I felt a little out of place for a minute.

"It was a different feeling in the clubhouse. You couldn't joke around with these guys, because you didn't know how they would take it. But it all came back."

Let's face it: Hunter probably won't.

I don't buy that he didn't know this at all. Why? Because this point has been made in one form or another is each of the other five times this story has been written. Why do people seem to be so enamored with this guy? EVERY time he has a chance to talk about how different things are, he does it. EVERY TIME. I don't know how many times we're gonna have to read this story, but hopefully the next time we read it Hunter will be making his way to Fenway or Shea and we'll finally be able to write and be "amazed" by the fact the no position players remain from the 2002 Twins.

Five Keys to the Twins Season

2006-03-18T00:57:00.000-06:00

Justin Morneau’s Confidence: Morneau’s 2005 season was really a parallel for the Twins’ season. In 2004 Morneau hit 19 home runs in 74 games, allowing the team to trade Doug Mientkiewicz. With Morneau initially penciled in the four spot as the team’s primary power hitter, 30 home runs didn’t seem out of reach for 2005. Tall pressures and frustrations both seemed to snowball throughout the season.
Despite struggling with his swing, confidence and pitch selection, Morneau still hit 22 homers. He obviously can hit for power, but needs to get on base more and hit more than just home runs. He also needs to get batter versus left-handed pitchers. The good news is he is only 24 and has 1 ½ seasons in the majors. Last year he started out on fire before getting beaned in the head. If he can start out hot again, it could do wonders for his confidence.

The Fifth Element-For the first time in several years the Twins will have a youngster at the fifth spot in the rotation. No more Kenny Rogers, Rick Reed, Terry Mullholland or Rick Helling. Top prospects Scott Baker and Francisco Liriano will battle for the final starting spot. Baker spent much of 2005 in the bullpen with occasional starts. Liriano was a late season call up after dominating AA and AAA. Liriano is one of the hottest prospects in baseball, but Baker’s experience and control give him an edge for the fifth spot. The luxury of having six legitimate starters only buffers against injuries. Both Baker and Liriano will start during the season.

Lefty in the Pen-If Liriano does not start, he could fill the lefthanded reliever spot. Trading JC Romero and Travis Bowyer opens up a spot for a lefty in the bullpen. Johan Santana started his career the same way. While Ron Gardenhire probably waited too long to start Santana, the experience ultimately helped him become an ace. Liriano could do well focusing on one or two innings of work while he continues to sharpen his skills. If Liriano becomes a starter or struggles, the team’s other options are journeymen Darrel May and Dennys Reyes.

Right Power-With Jacque Jones now a Cub, the Twins will try to find some power from the Right Field spot. Michael Cuddyer moves from third base to battle Jason Kubel and Lew Ford. Kubel is the unknown factor here. Two years ago he was the Twins’ brightest prospect and was included on the playoff roster. He spent the past year recovering from torn ligaments in his knee, similar in severity to Daunte Culpepper’s. The hope is that Kubel can produce more power than the other two. Ford is most commonly remembered for his mental lapses, but is an above average hitter, has good speed and could be the most consistent of the three. Cuddyer, a former first round pick, has the potential for power, but has never hit more than 12 home runs. The Twins will probably give Kubel every chance to win the job if he’s healthy. Besides his power potential he also has the best arm of the lot.

A consistent veteran bat- The Twins signed Rondell White and Tony Batista hoping for consistent power from the veterans. White will DH, which Terry Ryan theorizes will keep him healthy. Batista was imported from Japan to man third base. While Batista will not get on base with regularity, he does provide power. His slugging percentage is consistently above the league average and has four 30+ home run seasons. He is not a great fielder, but that is not what he was signed for. If he cannot produce, third base becomes a wide open competition among Terry Tiffee, Glenn Williams and Cuddyer.
White might work out surprisingly well. When he is healthy, always a question, White is consistently well above the league average in Avg, OPB, SLG and OPS. He is not a home run hitter, but supply power through extra base hits and runs created. Things get desperate if 41 year-old Ruben Sierra surfaces in the lineup.

Outlook: Compared to Cleveland and Chicago, Twins are not expected to win the AL Central. Still the team’s pitching is deep, possibly deeper than last year. Success depends on the lineup consistently producing more power and runs than last year. Morneau, Kubel and either Batista or White need to help Joe Mauer and Torii Hunter. If this happens the Twins could do what was expected in 2005 and win the Central.

March Quite-Peturbedness

2006-03-17T18:10:00.000-06:00

March is a fantastic month for sports fans. College Basketball, baseball, NFL free agency, NBA, and NHL all have something going on. With such a storm of action some things get ignored. Luckily we scrape all the crannies (nooks are too hard) for entertainment.

The Cubs can now officially begin their 2006 season-Mark Prior is hurt, a bad shoulder no less. What’s next Ken Griffey Jr. pulls a hamstring? In four seasons, Prior has pitched 200+ innings once. Remember when the Twins were considered complete fools for taking Mauer over Prior?

In other Earth Shattering news, Dwight Gooden has a drug addiction-Honestly what more is there to say? It is sad that Gooden can not get help, and taking shots is just low. However, looking at his mug shot, it appears he’s smirking.

Congratulations to Major League Baseball for poor planning-The inaugural WBC looked like it was catching on. People’s interest grew in the second round. That is until the NCAA tournament began on Thursday. Talk about a momentum killer. Now I’d forecast ratings worse than World’s Strongest Man reruns. I doubt the WBC has any Magnus Ver Magnusson’s up their sleeves.

Larry Brown and Starbury: Love Endures-After a week of 8th grade level fighting, Larry Brown and Stephon Marbury say they are on the same page. It’s Brown’s own fault for wanting to coach the Knicks. Is his ego so big that he thought he could change things? At least they’re on speaking terms. Marbury puts it best,"He flexed a real hard juice card, I know that.” Huh?

Coming to a bench near you-It’s Joey Harrington 2.0. He’s the icon for Matt Millen’s Reign of Futility. Upon hearing that Harrington is on his way out, the occasional fan might think the Lions must have signed a better quarterback. Well no, not really. Jon Kitna and Luke McCown, both probably better than Harrington, but not anchors of a franchise either. Sure everyone likes to rip Harrington, he’s an easy target. After looking at his stats, wow, he really is that bad.

Happy St Patrick's Day

2006-03-17T09:52:00.000-06:00

Everyone knows it is St. Paddy’s Day. Do you know why? Because it’s Patrick Duffy’s birthday. That’s right, before 1951, there was no day for the Irish. Then the boy who would become Bobby Ewing was born, spawning a grand holiday in his honor.

While many remember him as JR’s younger brother on the short-lived and seldom watched show Dallas, I fondly recall his work as Frank Lambert on Step by Step. Some will scoff and say it was just a cheap Brady Bunch knockoff. To that I say Cody, the Code Man, would whip Oliver’s ass.

So before heading off the get shillelagh’d on green lager, take a minute to remember P-Duffy, the patriarch of St. Patrick’s Day.

In other Dante news

2006-03-16T15:17:00.000-06:00

ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. -- An agent for Randy Moss was charged with possession of crack cocaine after police were called to a hotel to investigate a disturbance, authorities said Wednesday.

Dante DiTrapano and his wife, Teri, of Charleston, W.Va., were arrested Tuesday at a hotel in St. Petersburg, police said.

The hotel's management called police to report a disturbance in couple's room. When officers entered the room they found the drugs, police said.

Three other people were also arrested and charged with possession of crack cocaine, police said.

"Dante has been battling depression over two tragedies that occurred this past year. We don't know the facts of his arrest at this point, but we hope and pray that Dante will now get the help he needs," Tim DiPiero, an attorney with DiTrapano, Barrett & DiPiero, said in a statement released Wednesday.

Moss also commented through the attorney's office.

"I'm sticking by my friend and I'll support him and his family as he gets help battling his problem," Moss said.

Jiminy Christmas, apparently you can't appear in this story if your last name doesn't begin with "Di". In efforts to boost publicity for the site, I'm adding a "Di" to my name. From now on it's DiErv to you mister. You better enjoy the site or I'm going to call DiMaruska and he'll write some scathing criticsm about your favorite squad. And don't think for one second he can't! DiMaruska LITTLE BUSTAS!

Hey, you know what? It's good to see Crack back in the news again. All this talk of Meth and X, had me worried he got left behind in the 90's with The Straw and Doc Gooden. Now we need to just continue the comeback trend and get a nice Peyote story. Or maybe we can just fabricate one. I can see the headline now: Birk goes on Vision Quest; Peyote Buttons Abound, Hernias Do Not

How to Pick a winner in the NCAA Tourney

2006-03-16T10:49:00.000-06:00

All the brackets are in, the money is paid, and upset guy is already bragging about his bold Oral Roberts pick. Now rip up your bracket and learn the real method to picking a champion, based on the last 18 years. Toss RPI, tourney history, coaching and potential stars in the trash, there is only one factor to look at. Since 1988 the champion school has either been clean from scandal or dirty. Schools like Syracuse who are considered shady fall into the dirty category. In this span things always balance out. Filthy schools Michigan and UNLV win in the late 90’s, followed by squeaky clean Duke and UNC the next three years. Since ’93, neither clean or dirty has won more than two in a row.

First eliminate any seed lower than a four, it is hard enough for a lower seed to make the Final Four, but nearly impossible to win it all. Next divide the teams into two categories based on scandal and NCAA probation: pristine and unclean. Not every school will be one extreme, so some guesswork is needed, but less than you may think (unfortunately these could change at a later date). Among the top sixteen teams in the tourney they spilt evenly:

Pristine
Duke-The ultimate Pristine Powerhouse
Iowa-Ignore Pierre Pierce and Jess Settles, the bracket needs clean teams
Texas-They’re dirty on the court
Kansas-Infractions under Larry Brown was a long time ago
Gonzaga-Might someday end up in Unclean
North Carolina-The reigning Pristine Champ
Villanova-Could have been dirty too.
Boston College-Being in the Pristine ACC allows grace

Unclean
LSU-They’re an SEC team, it’s expected to cheat
Memphis-The only thing missing is Tarkanian
UCLA-The last two coaching eras were dirty including ’95 title
UConn-A history of shady point guards from Khalid El-Amin to Marcus Williams
Illinois-Pretty clean recently, but former coach Lou Henson left a lasting image
Tennessee-They have guards that can dish the rock.
Florida-Another SEC team that reeks of shady doings
Ohio State-Scandal spans back to early 90's.

Keeping in mind that Pristine North Carolina won last year, it’s time for an Unclean to soil the trophy. Since UConn won two years ago and they are more of a shady team (but making strides towards full-fledged dirty), it is time for a truly dirty team to win out. Ohio State’s last two coaches’ misdeeds have positioned the Buckeyes for probabtion and NCAA scrutiny for the next few years. Ohio State's One Shining Moment is now, because there may not be a next time.

John Clayton, your time is now!

2006-03-14T19:56:00.000-06:00

ESPN's John Clayton likes to break stories. And that's fine, he's very good at that. His trouble lies in his analysis.

What are the Vikings thinking?
Two years ago, they were a trendy Super Bowl pick. They had Randy Moss at wide receiver and Daunte Culpepper at quarterback. Following the 2004 season, both players were 28-years-old and in their prime. Moss was the league's ultimate playmaker, a receiver almost impossible to overthrow and known for making the impossible catch, especially in the red zone.
Anyone else remember Moss taking plays off, walking off the field early or causing team distractions? I recall the Vikings being a better pick after Moss was traded.

Culpepper was a freak. The league's biggest starting quarterback at 268 pounds, Culpepper was a load for smaller opposing linebackers to bring down. Plus, he had the speed and moves to run like a halfback. On top of all that, he had a rocket arm and could average 30 touchdowns a year.
And then Daunte got a Blackberry for Christmas and started emailing management his outlandish demands.

So what are the Vikings thinking giving up both players within a year for wide receiver Troy Williamson, linebacker Napoleon Harris and a second-round pick in 2006? New owner Zygi Wilf wasn't part of the Moss trade. That was from the Red McCombs era.
The organization decided there were too many incidents involving Moss that were distractions. So the Vikings shopped him in a trade, didn't wait to get value and ended up getting the seventh pick in the draft and Harris, who ended up playing only 25 percent of the downs.

They drafted Williamson with that No. 7 pick last year. He is a fast deep threat, but he played in only 29 percent of the offensive downs last season. Harris' days in Minnesota are probably numbered, because the Vikings spent $4 million a year to get outside linebacker Ben Leber out of San Diego. Plus, Harris is in the final year of his contract.
No one expected Williamson to make the Pro Bowl last year. He is raw and still learning, but you can’t say he’s a bust. Nap Harris is a bust. The 49ers only got a 2nd round pick for Terrell Owens. A first rounder plus a potential starter is the as near fair value as possible. Of course considering Moss’ numbers sharply declined the past two years, it’s not that bad of a deal.

Championship teams are built around five key positions -- quarterbacks, receivers, cornerbacks, tackles and defensive ends who are playmakers. The Vikings ended up giving up 40 percent of those cornerstone positions for Williamson, who is a fast prospect but caught only 24 passes for 372 yards in 2005, and whatever they get in the second round this year.
Name the Ravens receivers, quarterback and playmaking defensive ends. Now name the Rams’ corners, tackles and defensive ends. How about the Cowboys defensive playmakers during the dynasty?

What are the Vikings thinking?
Thanks to good cap management, though, the Vikings have the salary space to bring in top players. Williamson might develop into a big-play threat. They hit gold with Koren Robinson, whom they re-signed after his amazing comeback season from alcohol problems (Robinson made the Pro Bowl in 2005 as a return man.)
First Clayton implies they are fools, but then says the team is in good shape. What does Koren Robinson have to do with this story? One reason the Vikings have lots of cap room is trading a declining Moss.

The organization apparently didn't like Culpepper's contract demands this offseason. Moreover, he didn't hit it off with new head coach Brad Childress by not working out at the team facility. Culpepper preferred to train in Florida. New coaches want their quarterbacks in town.
Maybe Clayton would appreciate his franchise player publicly demanding a pay raise after a horrendous season. Or passive-aggressively asking for a trade via email. And how ludicrous of Childress to request Culpepper in town to better assimilate to a new offense.

Back in the Dennis Green days, the Vikings made trips to the playoffs each year, even though Green went through a long list of veteran quarterbacks in the later stages of their careers. Although that strategy might get you to the playoffs, it's hard to win a Super Bowl with what you might consider transitional quarterbacks.
“Transitional Quarterbacks” that won Super Bowls: Jay Schroeder/Doug Williams, Jeff Hostetler, Mark Rypien, Trent Dilfer and hold on, it’ll come to me…Brad Johnson.

Culpepper, when healthy, has the ability to win a Super Bowl.
Franchise quarterbacks that have not won a Super Bowl: Dan Fouts, Dan Marino, Jim Kelly, Drew Bledsoe, Peyton Manning, Donovan McNabb, Michael Vick.

It's interesting that he's going to the Dolphins, a team, like the Vikings, that had nine wins in 2006. Miami head coach Nick Saban felt he got the most he could out of the aging Gus Frerotte.
Why is this interesting? John Clayton also thinks it is interesting that Miami and Minnesota are next to each other in an alphabetical listing of NFL teams.

But look at the impact of what a quarterback can do.
Carson Palmer put the Bengals on the playoff map in Cincinnati. Fortunately, he went to a franchise that had a coach, Marvin Lewis, who knew what to do with such a commodity. He sat him for a year and let him blossom into a Pro Bowl quarterback.
Marvin the Wise tells Palmer, “Carson, I want you to sit out this year and then next year you can blossom.” Other stupid coaches like Jim Mora immediately played Peyton Manning to his ruin.

If Palmer comes back from his knee injury, the Bengals, like the Steelers with Ben Roethlisberger, will be Super Bowl contenders every year. The Patriots won three Super Bowls with their franchise quarterback, Tom Brady.
What Clayton is trying to say is, a franchise quarterback is critical to a dynasty. But that is not the only ingredient for a Super Bowl team. Randy Moss wore out his welcome and the Vikings did the best they could. Daunte had a horrible 2005, severely blew out his knee, isn’t a perfect fit for the West Coast offense, and forced a trade. For the Vikings to get a 2nd round pick is a decent save compared to releasing him for nothing. The Dolphins get a potential franchise quarterback with serious questions, and still very expensive.

The Vikings can only hope they can be as successful as the Seattle Mariners were when they went through a period in which they lost Ken Griffey Jr. and Alex Rodriguez.
The Mariners won games but no championships after Griffey and Rodriguez left. It's hard to replace franchise players, and the Vikings hardly got value. What are they thinking?
The Mariners have never been to the World Series. Since Clayton ends with this terrible analogy, I’ll end with this cheapshot:

RDHHH's Great Sports Movies: The Program

2006-03-10T17:15:00.000-06:00

With all this talk of movies and awards and how hard it truly is to be a pimp, we thought it might be nice to share with you some of our favorite sports movies of all time. Some of them are great, some of them are really bad (but that's what makes them great).

The Program

Possibly the worst movie on the list, but I hold a special place for it in my heart. It has everything: controversy (They pulled a scene from the movie that showed players being initiated by laying down in the middle of a busy street.), ridiculously huge hits, and G 'n R.

The official tag line was: "Pressure surrounds them. Competition divides them. Talent unites them. A story of what it takes to survive..." With a tagline like that, it's a wonder this hasn't appeared on one of those AFI lists. I keep thinking to myself what comes after the elipse? The cast of characters just begs for a sequel. James Caan, Halle Barry, Omar Epps, plus unforgetable characters like Alvin Mack, Joe Kane, Lattimer, Bud-Lite Kaminski, Ray Griffin: Starting Tailback!

I think the sequel could be huge. We revisit the guys 10 years later and find them in varying states of success and failure. Alvin Mack has done the impossible and come back to be a star in the NFL, signing a record endorsement deal with Adidas. Joe Kane went Marinovich, and is fighting his way back to playing form. Lattimer is still chucking coeds across rooms, although they're now Arena league groupies and instead of dorm rooms it's a room at Motel 6. Lattimer spent time in the XFL where he was known as "He Inject Me". Coach Winters has moved into the pro ranks and is building a dyansty-like team a la Belichick. Oh man I think we could write a gem.

All in all, I think this quote pretty much conveys my feelings about this gem of a film:

Coach Winters: We gotta ring that bell! We gotta to ring that championship bell!
Steve Lattimer: Ding motherfu**ing dong!

Ring it loud indeed!

You've Got Mail from the Roll Player

2006-03-08T14:35:00.000-06:00

What is the deal with Daunte Culpepper and his inconsistent demands? One minute he is asking for a pay raise from the Vikings, then requests a trade, later denying both. Next he volunteers a deferment on his bonus and wants to be a Viking. Today he again issued a statement asking for a trade or release. The common denominator? Any statements from Culpepper this offseason are via email.

His statements seem schizophrenic. Either Culpepper doesn’t know what he really wants, aside from attention, or the media is misreading his comments. After getting this email forward from Daunte, a clearer picture is painted:

Hello, my name is Daunte.
This really works, please don?t delete it! If you choose not to read it, at least send it to people so that they can have a chance. I got this e*mail and tried it. Exactly a week later, I received a check for $9million! It was perfect timing, I?m going to Florida soon and really need the extra cash. Thanks sooo much for sending this to me, I hope someone else out there turns out as happy as I did!

Hello everybody,
My name is Bill Gates. Here at Microsoft we have just compiled an e-mail tracing program that tracks everyone to whom this message is forwarded to. I am experimenting with this and I need your help. Forward this to everyone you know and if it reaches 1000 people everyone on the list will receive $1000 at my expense. Enjoy.

Your friend,
Bill Gates

You see? Culpepper doesn't really want trouble, he's just trying to get paid. It really paints a different picture of Daunte or the 13 year old kid with dpepp11@hotmail.com as his handle.

Random Thoughts on Bonds, Steroids and Mutations

2006-03-08T11:53:00.000-06:00

Thanks to the excerpts from Book of Shadows, I now know what the mutagen used on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles consists of. For the longest time I could not put my finger on who or what Barry Bonds looked like. Finally I know, it's Michelangelo sans nunchucks. With that question put to bed, on to more thoughts and questions about this mess.

-Barry Bonds claimed steroids don’t make you a better hitter. He's right, steroids wouldn’t help me hit home runs, because I can’t hit home runs on a softball field with a 270ft porch. Administered to a world class athlete however, and performance will increase. They help you recover quicker, build muscle, turn warning track flyouts into homers, and apparently improve your sight. If you put nitro boosters on a school bus it may help a little bit. If you put them on a Corvette, you’ll see a big difference.

-To label Bonds’ achievements as tainted is too soft. Everyone knew he took steroids and growth hormone to some degree. Now that we know how scientific and calculated it was, there is no other word than blatant cheating.

-I don't care if it was against baseball rules or not. He took illegal substances and cheated. MLB's ignorance is irrelevant in this case. If George Steinbrenner conspired to kidnap David Ortiz and Curt Schilling for the 2004 playoffs that would greatly alter the outcome. There are no MLB rules against kidnapping. MLB deserves blame for this debacle, but not in place of Bonds or other offenders.

-Where is Bud Selig? He wants to wait for the book to pass judgement. It is pretty clear what the book will say. I doubt there will be a trap door on the last page discrediting the whole matter. Selig needs to address this, not just Bonds specifically, but to take some kind of stand or responsibility.

-In light of this latest evidence, no argument for Bonds as a Hall of Famer is justified. It is clear he took copious amounts of steroids for at least five to six years. Regardless of his previous numbers, he cheated for a significant period of time. There is no way to separate the clean years from the “clear” years. It is Barry Bonds’ career as a whole.

- Bonds was a 3 time MVP before he allegedly began using steroids. This fact makes it even sadder. In 1998 he was a first ballot Hall of Fame choice. He sacrificed not only his Cooperstown ticket, but his credibility, hair, sex life and long term health. My guess is Bonds doesn’t see 55. If he does, it will be in physical and mental wreckage.

-If a detailed expose targeted a more popular player like Mark McGwire, I think the tone would be much different. I think the fact that Barry Bonds is an antagonistic jerk gives many people greater license to unload on him. Not that it is wrong, but lots of players took (take?) steroids. I am not sure the reaction would be so severe.

-By my count at least 8 players accounting for 12 MVP trophies have rumored links or solid proof to steroids. That number could climb higher before this is all settled.

-Going forward, people will question any player with a sudden rise in power numbers. Or a sharp decline. Or sudden nagging injuries. Fair or not, every player will have to accept this scrutiny.

-If not for an anonymous whistle-blower, drug officials still might not know about many of these drugs.Baseball is taking the whipping for steroids because they didn’t have a drug policy. Focusing on tougher testing policies does nothing if you are looking for invisible drugs. Of course Bonds never failed a test.

-To that point, baseball is not on an island. If sprinters, cyclists and baseball players dope, why wouldn’t football players? Considering the violent nature and non-guaranteed contracts, performance enhancing drugs in football makes even more sense. I refuse to believe Bill Romanowski and Todd Sauerbrun are isolated incidents. At some point the muck will surface in the NFL too.

Minnesota's Icon

2006-03-07T12:19:00.000-06:00

Growing up in Minnesota I was the odd kid that didn’t like the Twins. My dad loved the Yankees and so I adopted that love. While I didn’t like Twins like Kent Hrbek, Frank Viola and Gary Gaetti, Kirby Puckett was different. He was unique.

Kirby ascended to the major leagues in the 80’s, in a time when people still looked up to athletes as role models. Minnesota did not boast many celebrities or heroes to take pride in. The Vikings hadn’t had a star since Tarkenton and Alan Page, the North Stars had no transcending stars and the Timberwolves didn’t exist. No player held national prominence or created a winning atmosphere in the Twin Cities.

Kirby was an All-Star by his third year and in 1987 his fourth season, helped the Twins win their first World Series. The first professional sports title since the Minneapolis Lakers in 1954.

He wasn’t just another star athlete with great success. He was Kirby, instantly identified with Minnesota, no less than Prince or later Jesse. He didn’t look like a baseball player; his pudgy physique suited a line cook. His high leg kick gave boys something to imitate. His upbeat attitude and smile just added to his icon status. He gave local fans someone to cheer for, take pride in, and claim ownership. “That’s Kirby, he’s our guy.”

His signature moment came in the 1991 World Series with his Game 6 walk off home run off Charlie Leibrandt. I was at the game, and it’s still my favorite sports memory. I didn’t truly become a Twins fan until later, but I was definitely a Kirby fan. It was the most amazing sports scene I’ve been witness to.

After 1992 Minnesotans feared the worst. Kirby was a free agent and many assumed a larger team like Boston would pay too much for Kirby. Baseball salaries began to explode and Kirby could cash in. How could anyone blame him? He was one of the best players in the game and deserved a big payoff. How could the Twins afford him? Instead he stayed in Minnesota for less money, instantly enlarging his legend in his adopted hometown.

After retiring early, it appears Puckett was no longer Kirby. Without baseball things turned ugly. To the national perspective, this is what most people remember because it’s the most recent news about Puckett. For Minnesotans and baseball fans, it is a different focus. Kirby is the reason I'm a Twins fan today. He was our guy.

Thanks man!

2006-03-07T09:55:00.000-06:00

I've heard it a whole lot this morning and yesterday afternoon: Everyone has a Kirby story. Everyone has a memory that stands out from the rest. For some it's watching him play, for others it's simply watching him light up a room. He is that rare case of an athlete that nearly always out-performed his peers on the field, but will be remembered most for who he was off it. It's horribly cliche and it's the kind of thing that's said far to often, but I don't think anyone can argue that in this case it's totally deserved.

I think I speak for most guys my age, when I say that Kirby was THE guy. We all played the game where we jumped up against the wall to "rob homeruns" like Kirby. We all at one time or another, stepped up to the plate and tried to swing like Kirby too. I think as a fan, as someone who grew up looking up to a lot of athletes, you wanted to feel like you knew them. And again, this is what I think set Kirby apart from the rest. I never met him, never had a chance to hang out with him, or see him close-up. But there was something about him that made you always feel like he was your guy.

I could talk all day about some of my fave moments. I was at Game 6. The catch, the homerun, the fist pump. I remember high-fiving the drunk guy next to me about ten times. Milwaukee, 6 for 6. There's just so much. He could hit practically any pitch thrown at him, and usually the worse the pitch, the better the hit. People remember his catches so often. But I remember him pegging guys at home with his absolute canon of an arm.

So I don't mean to get too sentimental. I think people sometimes get overly-emotional and sentimental in times like this. He was just a guy. He played a game. But maybe for the first time in my life, I feel a little that way. He was a good guy, he was a great player. But I think it has more to do with how much he was a part of my childhood. In the good times. In those really crappy, awkward times. Spending time with my Dad. Spending time with my Mom and my Grandma, that's where I remember Kirby. And I'm never gonna forget it.

So touch 'em all my man, we're gonna miss ya!

RDHHH! Caption Contest: What is Barry Bonds thinking?

2006-03-02T23:44:00.000-06:00

-"The media makes me so...sad."
-"With Rod Smart getting cut, now I can finally be He Hate Me!"
-"Man that flaxseed oil burns."
-"I am way hotter than Paula Abdul."

Whoa Jciechowski!

2006-03-02T13:12:00.000-06:00

Gene Wojciechowski writes for ESPN. He doesn’t do research or know a lot about sports, but he does write. He is also in love with the White Sox, and particularly Ozzie Guillen.

Grinder Ball Rule No. 71:
If at first you succeed, repeat.
For anyone that misplaced their copy of “Grinder Ball”, Wojo reminds us.

Under overcast skies at Tucson Electric Park, the White Sox opened their spring training schedule Wednesday against the Colorado Rockies (they lost 5-1). A year ago they lost their exhibition season opener to these same Rockies. Then they lost another game. And another game. They finished the spring with the second-worst record among American League teams. The general consensus among seamheads: they'd finish third or fourth in the AL Central.
Mean Gene’s first point for Grinder Ball is their awful spring training record. This is totally stupid. The definition of exhibition game: a sporting event in which there is no gain or loss from whether the competitors are victorious are not in any competition.

So, of course, the White Sox won the World Series. They didn't just win it, they ground a cleat heel into the Houston Astros. They became the first team since the '27 New York Yankees -- the gold standard of baseball dominance -- to lead the regular season from start to finish and record a World Series sweep.
The Sox share this in single commonality with the ’27 Yankees, so they must be a juggernaut. Keep in mind Wojo doesn’t do any research. It took me ten minutes to look up the 1990 Reds, a team that lead the Division wire to wire and swept the A’s. And that was when there were only two divisions.

Further, leading the division wire to wire is pretty arbitrary. The ’98 Yankees began 0-3. They recovered to win 114 games and sweep the World Series.

Now, 'most everyone has jumped on the Grinder Ball Rule No. 71 bandwagon. The White Sox are the logical pick for the two-peat, regardless of what George Steinbrenner says about his precious Yankees.
Does anyone recall Peter Gammons or anyone else citing Rule 71? There are a lot of people besides Steinbrenner who will pick the Yankees this year.

"Nobody's that good to win a World Series in March," says Guillen, sitting in the golf cart he uses to buzz from practice field to practice field. "You win a World Series in October."
A wise proverb by Ozzie Guillen. Similarily nobody's good enough to win the WBC in December.

We saw a starting rotation with Mark Buehrle and then a collection of question marks. White Sox general manager Ken Williams saw ERAs with tiny waist sizes.
"We thought we would win the division because we thought we had the best pitching," he says.
I guess Ken Williams knew that Jon Garland and Jose Conteras would each reduce their ERA’s by over a run. And Garland would reduce his walks by 40. Can anyone honestly claim they say Garland and Contreras being that good last year?

But nobody -- not Guillen, Williams, Konerko, Podsednik, Dye, Pierzynski or Jon Garland -- says he ever thought about breaking an 88-year-old championship losing streak. Not in March, they didn't.
Wait a minute, first Wojo gives the Sox credit for thinking they could win. Now no one in the organization actually believed it.

But as the season progressed, a National League first baseman began to notice the White Sox surge. His name was Jim Thome.
Jim Thome, baseball slugger and prophet.

"I think after the first month [and a 17-7 record], you thought, 'Man, this club here has got a chance to be a pretty good team,"' says Thome, who was traded from the Philadelphia Phillies to the White Sox in November. "Then they kept it going and you said, 'They got a real good team.'"
Thome, being the only man with access to the Division standings correctly declared that the White Sox were in first place.

Guillen wants more, and he might get it. Those questions about the rotation? Uh, what questions? Concerned about the White Sox offense? Hello, Thome. Nervous about the pressure of defending a world championship? Guillen might have the loosest, friendliest clubhouse in the big leagues.
Maybe they should worry about the Indians, Yankees, and Angels. While a loose clubhouse is nice for groupies, plenty of teams have the talent to beat the Sox. Sure Garland and Contreras might pitch great, or the law of averages kicks in and returns them to adequate. Center field is a big hole. Scott Podsednik is overrated. The White Sox are far from flawless. And on top of it all it's Gene's assertion that signing Thome, a guy coming off major elbow surgery, can step in and perform as well as he once did.

"Last year, we were good," Guillen says. "This year, I want to be great. I tell them don't worry about 2005. Worry about 2006."
What ballplayer wouldn’t be fired up by that? Tony LaRussa's "Remember 1982" speech to his Cardinals falls well short by comparison. Guillen's remarks even outshine Mike McGinty's stirring 2001 preseason speech to his Southwest Sparklers 3rd grade girls hoops squad. That's the stuff of legend and Guillen is crushing it with his Confucious-like wordplay.

Basically this article is for Recessive Gene to say he likes the White Sox and thinks they’ll repeat. His reasons: Spring Training losses, Ken Williams’ clairvoyance, Jim Thome’s clairvoyance, and his man crush on Ozzie Guillen. And because of Grinder Ball rule #71. Simple, just repeat. Had the Astros won last year, they would easily repeat in ’06. Ignore that they probably won’t have Roger Clemens.

It’s a Wonderful Life

2006-03-02T11:22:00.000-06:00

This offseason the Vikings are like Mr Potter from It’s A Wonderful Life. Taking advantage of others misfortunes and doing it economically. Many NFL teams are panicking, trying to limbo underneath the $95 million cap bar. Meanwhile the Vikings, $24 million under the cap, sit and wait, ready to swoop in for some great deals.

Half of the NFL teams are below or within $2million of the cap number. Several other teams need to cut payroll to resign other free agents. Three months ago it was a very weak free agency year. Now, thanks to a stalemate in labor talks, the NFL off season will be a land rush. Of the few teams have the money and cap space of the Vikings, only San Diego, Jacksonville and Philadelphia are close to playoff ready.

The cap craziness also means teams will need to decide how many of their own free agents they can keep. Look at the Carolina Panthers. They started the off season $12 million over the cap and already cut Stephen Davis, Brentson Buckner and Rod “He Hate Me” Smart. More cuts will bring them below the cap, but will they have enough money to resign free agents LB Will Witherspoon and S Marlon McRee? In a normal year a restricted free agent like Witherspoon would never make it to the open market. Suddenly teams like the Vikings that need an upgrade in the middle have a realistic shot at him. The flipside of this is less competition for the Vikings’ free agents like Koren Robinson.

One of the most common cap cuts are offensive lineman. Coincidentally, this is the Vikings’ most visible need. Players like Will Shields, Brad Hopkins, Pete Kendall are all rumored to be cut. Many of these players are nearing the end of their careers, but it would grant time to Marcus Johnson and Tonui Fonoti. The other option is the Saints’ LeCharles Bentley who can play both guard and center. He is a free agent and while he is the more expensive option, he is entering his prime.

Other options worth tracking are defensive back and defensive end. Lance Johnstone is a free agent, Kenechi Udeze is rehabbing a torn knee, and the cover 2 relies on pressure from the front four. Why not sign a Pro Bowler like Trevor Pryce for a one or two year deal? A safety or converted corner to replace Corey Chavous could be cheaply found among the cap castoffs. Ditto for a veteran corner as a nickelback. Sam Madison, Marcus Coleman, Eric Warfield or Ahmed Plummer for an inexpensive third corner would be luxurious. And that is exactly the luxury the Vikings can see.

Wunderlick...Feels So Good!!!

2006-02-28T16:23:00.000-06:00

Vince Young apparently flunked his Pre-Draft IQ test, and people are in an uproar. Sure he was the best player in the Rose Bowl, but of greater concern is his failure to grasp word analogies. Obviously the test appears pretty simple and to score below 20 might be troubling, but its relevance rivals 40yd dash times. Young could be very smart and just didn’t care to waste time taking this test, or he’s a rockhead. Either way, a week ago he was a top five pick and now appears to be plummeting. Just one more example of how overrated the NFL draft can be.

Here at RDHHH! we felt like it might be necessary to create a test that's a little more appropriate. We feel like we're on to something here.

Instructions: There is no time limit for the test. If you're reading these instructions you're smarter than 99% of the guys who take this thing. With that in mind. Before you waste your time on this thing, write "Gene Upshaw is a douche" in the lower right hand corner and turn in your test. Don't worry about Day 2 of the draft, your agent will be getting a phone call from multitude of interested teams, including the Pats, the Colts, and the Steelers. Congratulations, you just got paid!

Jimmy is a Tight End. All Tight Ends are eligible receivers. Can you pass to Jimmy?
A. Always B. Never C. Only as a last resort D. Yes, unless it’s Adrian Cooper

Who is allowed to brandish a hand gun?
A. Anyone named Vick
B. Sean Taylor
C. Maurice Clarett
D. Ponch from CHIPs.

It is the second quarter; your team is down by eleven. After scoring a touchdown what do you do?
A. Give the ball to the ref and jog to the sideline.
B. Jump into the stands and let the Rubes slap your ass.
C. Put on an elaborate rehearsed celebration that includes a blow-up sheep, a lederhosen, and a Mao Tse Tung mask.
D. Ask for a contract extension.

Rank the following 1-8 based on total Moxie:
Joey Harrington
Trent Dilfer
Tom Brady
Brett Favre
Doug Flutie
Jake Plummer
Jay Fiedler
Donovan McNabb

Which one of these shapes is least familiar?

How many receivers are covered in the Cover 2?
A. 2
B. 11, it’s the greatest invention since facemasks.
C. 69..hehehe

Which of the following is skinny post?
A. Manute Bol
B. A pass route
C. Something in Fred Smoot’s Locker

Which of these does not belong?
A. Barry Sanders
B. LaDanian Tomlinson
C. Ki-Jana Carter
D. Emmitt Smith

If Fabian Washington runs a 4.3 40, does this guarantee a Pro Bowl selection?
A. Yes
B. No
C. Pizza

You just hired Master P and No Limit Sports as your agent. What should you do first?
A. Buy twelve Maybach's, and get crunk!
B. Buy twelve Bentley's for your mom and get crunk with her.
C. Both A and B.
D. Make 'em say UGGGHHH!

Quarterbacks Only: You are taking a three step drop, Joey Porter is blitzing off the right edge and no one is open, you should...
A. Force a throw into coverage
B. Throw it away
C. Run
D. Forget it, you scored a 16 on a Wonderlic test and GM's don't think you can make this hard decision.

Aw Crap: Glen Taylor has McHale's back

2006-02-28T10:48:00.000-06:00

This is totally crazy. Does Kevin McHale have a covert contract with Glen Taylor appointing him Timberwolves President for life? Is he a Supreme Court justice?

Timberwolves owner Glen Taylor said he continues to support Kevin McHale, the team's vice president of basketball operations, through what has been a difficult season on the court for the franchise.
One could argue it’s been a disaster on court.

McHale has drawn criticism for the Wolves' 24-31 record this season and a series of personnel moves that haven't sparked the team toward a run at the playoffs.
It sounds like a team ready to rebuild. Alas we have no first round picks until 2008.

"He has my confidence because I've worked with him all these years," Taylor said.
So let me get this straight: Kevin McHale’s performance comes is ignored because of his tenure with the club? McHale isn’t Fidel Castro. McHale can and should be replaced before his death. You keep a secretary for years, not the man supposedly in charge of a million dollar company.

Last February, Minnesota fired coach Flip Saunders, who has coached the Detroit Pistons to the best record in the NBA this season. The Wolves also traded point guard Sam Cassell to the Los Angeles Clippers, who are in playoff contention, for Marko Jaric, who lost his role as the Wolves' starting point guard earlier this month.
Trade Cassell: good. Acquire Jaric questionable at the time. Signing Jaric to a $37 million contract: ludicrous. Giving up a first round pick: terrible. Attempting to trade Jaric and then taking him out of the rotation: a complete failure.

On Jan. 26, Minnesota dealt Wally Szczerbiak to the Boston Celtics as part of a multi-player trade.
The two teams have a combined 11 wins since the trade. McHale and Danny Ainge basically took a bunch of spare parts and two above-average scorers and reshuffled the deck. Of course McHale couldn’t resist coughing up another first round pick in the deal.

"I think you work with a guy over a longer period of time and you try to judge him over the whole period of time," Taylor said. "Though we're having difficulties this year, I don't just judge a person... . A brief history of the McHale regime:
1995-Drafts Kevin Garnett
1997-Drafts Paul Grant, who plays 16 more NBA games than me.
1999-Signs Joe Smith to secret deal costing the Team four first round draft picks.
1999-Drafts future All Star Szczerbiak, but also Will Avery who scores 379 career points.
2000-Signs Terrell Brandon to $52 million deal only to see him play two more years.
2003-With a veteran team in need of more talent, drafts High School Project Ndudi Ebi. Two years later he is out of the NBA. (Presumably with Will Avery)
2003-Acquires Sam Cassell, Latrell Spreewell and Michael Olawokandi. Taylor later admits this was a mistake.
2004-Signs role player Mark Madsen to six year contract. Also overpays to keep Troy Hudson and Trenton Hassell.
2005-Cassell for Jaric trade.
2006-Szczerbiak for Ricky Davis trade.

Of his draft picks only Garnett, Rasho Nesterovic and Szczerbiak lasted longer than three years in Minnesota. He has also forfeited or unwisely traded six more first rounders. Of the second round picks, made more critical thanks to Joe Smith, Loren Woods is the only player to last longer than one year.

I assume some of the times we played better than we should have. Now we're playing probably less than my expectations. I don't want to judge him just on this (season)."
Taylor concedes that McHale shouldn't get full credit for the successes. (Phil "Flip" Saunders and Kevin Garnett made the team better for several years). Again you can judge him on this season, last season or all eleven and it doesn't matter: Kevin McHale is trying his best to totally sink this franchise.

Eleven years with one outstanding season and several average ones. New York Knicks President Isaiah Thomas is widely regarded as the worst executive in the NBA, and he certainly is awful. The difference is Thomas runs a team that has so much money that it does not matter how fiscally irresponsible they are. Minnesota does not have that luxury, yet McHale continues to lock in mediocre talent to long term deals and give up draft picks like he’s handing out candy on Halloween.

I'm not certain if this blog is accessible in Mankato, but I urge Mr. Taylor to read it.

Just One More Reason the Twins Need the Big Hurt

2006-02-27T12:34:00.000-06:00

Since 2002, the Twins and White Sox rivalry has developed into hate. Neither team likes to acknowledge the other’s success. For the first time since 2001, the Twins are the team chasing Chicago. Considering the Twins and White Sox rivalry, how bitter could it be with Frank Thomas in Minnesota?

Thomas complained about his poor treatment in Chicago, particularly by GM Ken Williams. So Williams professionally issued a profanity laced tirade to reporters. It wasn't just the words Williams used, but the vigor in his voice (the video is even better than the isolated quotes). He completely lost it, over Thomas' moaning about respect. Whether Thomas was a “clubhouse cancer” or not, he just exacted the reaction he wanted from Williams.

The Twins signed Rondell White instead of Thomas. White sounds like a great guy who will get along with everyone. And that’s swell. The Twins have too many nice guys, and chemistry and intangibles are overrated in baseball. Forget that Thomas is a better player a future Hall of Famer and was cheaper than White. No, they need someone that will turn Ken Williams into an eighth grader who just learned how to use swear words.

Throw stats and injuries out the window. The Twins need to call Oakland and acquire the former Auburn Tight End. The man who is shown flipping off the camera in his 91 Upper Deck rookie card. Frank Thomas should be a Twin for so many reasons. Imagine the possibilities for the Twins-Sox rivalry.

I'm at a loss for words

2006-02-25T09:51:00.000-06:00

It's day 15 of the Olympics and Jim Souhan is still going strong. He rips speed skating, Bode Miller and every other American Olympian who didn't win a gold. This is at least the third time he has gone out of the way to take shots at Miller, but I've already covered this. The article is typical Souhan, but also drops this nugget:

Hedrick took the silver in the 10,000 meters at Oval Lingotto on Friday, giving him one medal of each shading but none the color of his neck.

Thanks Jeff Foxworthy. May US customs deny your passport after the Olympics.

Papa Don't Preach, or Announce Bobsledding

2006-02-24T16:37:00.000-06:00

If you have nothing to do Friday or Saturday night, watch the bobsled coverage. There are three announcers, Bob Papa, Carol Lewis and Bob Neumeier. Lewis was actually a bobsledder and probably has some legitimate insight. Neumeier is a horse racing announcer, won’t let anyone else speak and his yelling rivals Dick Vitale. Papa appears to want nothing more than a paycheck for attending the event.

The broadcast goes like this: Lewis introduces the next team, tells her opinion of why they will win or lose. Then Neumeier takes over, shouting as the bobsled bumps the wall, “THEY JUST LOST 3 HUNDREDTHS OF A SECOND, THAT WILL BE COSTLY!”
The sled passes the next checkpoint and shows they gained 3 hundredths of a second. Neumeier continues, “DRIVER X IS SO GOOD IN THE TURNS, JUST MAKING SUBTLE ADJUSTMENTS AND FINDING GOOD LINES!”
The sled promptly fishtails and slides up the track. As the bobsled enters the final turn, each time at the same exact spot and with no attempt to mask his apathy, Papa chimes in “81 miles per hour.” Then he retreats to silence until the next run. Perfectly timed unintentional comedy in a "boom goes the dynamite" way.

The Dr Phil of Baseball

2006-02-24T13:40:00.000-06:00

Chemistry in sports is often cited as a key to winning. For sports like basketball, football and hockey this is very true. Team cohesiveness in baseball however is overrated.

The ’86 Mets hated each other and won the World Series. The reason it works despite Kevin Mitchell wanting to club Lenny Dykstra with a bat, is because Dykstra doesn’t rely on Mitchell in order to double down the line. The Mets had a lot of talent. If Terrell Owens hates his quarterback, that causes serious problems and results in losses.

The chemistry cliché is totally overdone. Two articles by Jason Williams and Lavelle E Neal imply that the Twins’ failures resulted from Torii Hunter’s broken ankle. Don't worry they are just keeping Jim Souhan's seat for unreasonable logic warm .

What can't be argued is that the Twins' slim hopes of reaching the playoffs in 2005 ended July 29 when Hunter broke his ankle while trying to make a catch in Boston. He batted .269 with 14 homers and 56 RBI in 98 games.
I’ll raise my hand and argue with Lavelle E Neal III. On July 2nd, with a healthy Hunter, they were 9.5 games behind the White Sox. July 29th, the Twins were 12.5 games out.

Here’s more of Torii’s mediocre 2005 numbers: .788 OPS and 55 RC (runs created) and a 65/34 K to BB ratio. His OPS was 38th among outfielders. Why does Lavelle list his poor stats and still make a statement on his importance to the team?

The Twins fell apart well before Hunter was hurt. The emotional meltdowns, primarily from frustrated pitchers getting no run support, occurred near the end of the season. If Hunter was their main offensive weapon, sure that is a major loss. To cite Hunter as the man that kept the Twins' attitude positive is stupid. They struggled with and without him.

"You saw what happened to us when he went down last year,"Terry Ryan said. "Not only did we lose our center fielder, we lost a little bit of our edge, a little bit of our face, a little bit of our charisma, presence and leadership.”
How would Hunter change things? Maybe he could physically separate Lohse and Gardenhire better than Michael Ryan. Or maybe he would take JC Romero aside for psychoanalysis and administer a Rorschach test.

"He possesses all those kind of attributes. He's got energy. He's got leadership. He's got personality that people gravitate toward. He's got a lot of ability. Those are the types of traits that are certainly conducive to unity."
Inside Justin Morneau’s head, “Must…fight…urge to…gravitate to Torii.” He does have a lot of baseball ability, but I don’t think he is or needs to be a uniter, counselor or Interplanetary Cohesion-making Engineer person.

I bet Lew Ford is a great kisser, that could be a trait for unity too.

"I don't want to be the police of the clubhouse," said Hunter, who spent most of the final two months of the season recovering at home in suburban Dallas. "You don't go talk to the police. A lot of people don't trust the police. I want to be that counselor in the clubhouse. If you need somebody to talk to, you can come talk to me about anything."
My mistake, maybe Hunter does have an MA in sociology, but not criminal justice. Will he have a stand set up like Lucy from Peanuts? Will Terry Tiffee talk to Hunter about his childhood nightmares?

Gardenhire missed Hunter taking charge. But that leadership trait got the best of Hunter when he returned from Texas during the last week of the season. He, in fact, contributed to some of the clubhouse dissension, when he tried to punch Justin Morneau after a game. The young first baseman had taken exception to Hunter's intentionally harmless joke.
Hunter was part of the problem last year. Now he is the guy everyone relies on for support and leadership. The Twins players and coaches make it sound like without Hunter they are in big trouble. Hunter seems to be a good guy, a great fielder and an average hitter. But leadership and counseling skills in a major league clubhouse don't really mean much.

Sure, staying positive and having confidence is important, but the Twins didn’t win the Central because they simply couldn’t hit. The Twins ranked in the bottom 5 in the Majors in runs, SLG, 2B, OPS. Oh yes and first in MLB in Grounded Into Double Plays.

More random tidbits from Hunter:
"We have to give these guys [Rondell White, Luis Castillo and Tony Batista] a chance. You never know what's going to happen during the season. Give these guys a chance and see what the results are. You can't judge them on spring training, either. You have to let them get ready and see what happens."
Or be smart. If White or Batista hit like Bret Boone, put them in a catapult and launch them to Sioux Falls. And then call up the hot prospect… Ruben Sierra. Oh man this could get bad.

"I feel different," Hunter said. "The trade rumors and the trade talks during the offseason. You didn't know if you were going to be here. I don't know if I'm happy or at the same time ... man, it's just different. "Jacque is gone and J.C. is gone and different guys in the clubhouse are gone. It's different in here."
Hunter is still beating this dead horse. Romero is gone because he didn’t want to be here. Jacque is gone because the Cubs gave him $16 million to hit 20 HR’s. He forgot to mention Doug Mientkiewicz, Corey Koskie, Joe Mays and Cristian Guzman. None of whom could be considered grave mistakes by the Twins.

NFL Offseason Thoughts, Questions and Concerns

2006-02-22T13:41:00.000-06:00

-The Star Tribune, a legitimate publication, has posted multiple articles about the Vikings trading Daunte Culpepper. So far the only source cited is profootballtalk.com. A paper with beat writers and team access can not unearth any information of their own? They have to resort to a rumor website that is referred to as the Enquirer of Football.

-Why would the Vikings want anything to do with Jamal Lewis? His obvious off field problems aside, he is on the downside of his career. Once a running back declines it is absolutely over, they don’t age gracefully. He had two 100 yard games last year with a 3.4 yd/carry. Michael Bennett, who is a consensus failure in Minnesota, had one 100yd game, a 3.8 yd/carry, and 126 less carries. With so many running backs available, it is especially insane to consider Lewis.

-People always mention how Ricky Williams is a different type of guy, and how intelligent he is. If he is so intelligent why does he keep failing drug tests? And if so many people care about him, why don’t they get him some help? -The knock on Reggie Bush is his size. He played at 198 pounds in college and supposedly has bulked up to 207 for the combine. Other running backs’ weights: Barry Sanders 205, Tiki Barber 200, Warrick Dunn 180, Brian Westbrook 205, Julius Jones 205. He’ll be fine. Remember in December when everyone said he was the number one pick in the draft? It is still true and will be in April. Besides, would you rather have a less skilled back that weighs five to ten pounds more or a touchdown threat from anywhere? Barber is rugged as any back, no one questions him carrying 20-25 times a game.

-Vince Young is from Houston, but that is no reason for the Texans to give him extra draft consideration. Many athletes have wanted to play in their hometown only to find extra pressure and expectations. Young is not going to be a superstar as a rookie quarterback, especially for a team with holes everywhere. What happens when he struggles?

-What are the Chargers doing? They are considering letting Drew Brees become a free agent in favor of Phillip Rivers. Brees is an established quarterback and a large part of the Chargers offensive success. With another receiver, the offense would be one of the league’s best. Rivers has never started a game in two years. Rivers could turn out to be a good quarterback, but it is doubtful he will be considerably better than Brees. To me the risk is too great.

-The Terrell Owens derby will soon heat up. I realize teams are simply hoping for one monster year from Owens and then accept the cost of a blowup. Mike Shanahan thinks Denver is close enough to a Super Bowl to gamble on Owens. I can’t see this working, even in the interim. The playoffs proved Jake Plummer as a poor decision maker. This looks to similar to Owens and Jeff Garcia in San Francisco. Plus Denver is not a clear cut favorite with or without Owens. Pittsburgh, Indianapolis and New England are all better bets.

-Did anyone see Jerome Bettis with Bob Costas at the Olympics? It was the most forced and unnatural conversation ever. The result was Costas announcing Bettis will join NBC for football coverage and both attempting to act surprised. And yes Bettis’ parents were there too.

Jim Souhan: The Man with No Perspective

2006-02-22T11:01:00.000-06:00

The job of a sports columnist is to take a different approach to a story. Find a unique angle or tell the reader something they wouldn’t gather from the AP’s account. Of course Jim Souhan breaks the mold for columnists. He does a sufficient job of recapping the feud between US speed skaters Shani Davis and Chad Hedrick. And then we get his paycheck-earning insight.

For those who might have missed this speedskating spitball war because, oh, there was a good cooking show on the Food Network, Hedrick won a gold in the 5,000 meters, then complained that Davis was unwilling to skate in the team pursuit, which theoretically would have given Hedrick a chance to win five golds.
I’m confused. Is Souhan cynical because he has to watch the Olympics, or angry for missing his Rachel Ray shows, or calling his readers stupid for not watching speed skating? He might be irritated with the unnecessary drama and cat fighting in speed skating, but if that’s the case, why write another 500 words on the subject?

Davis kept referring to speedskating as "pure sport," even suggesting he prefers no fan or media attention.
I love pure sports too, but I won't get to spring training until March 14. Until then, I might occasionally take a wrong turn at the cappuccino machine and find myself at a speedskating event, and if two stars are going to keep kicking each other under the table -- or if Hedrick's going to let his cell phone ring whenever Davis talks, as he did Tuesday -- then we might take notice.

Souhan the Snob emerges. I don’t think anyone, even speedskaters, think that the sport is bigger in the US than team sports. But just to be sure, Souhan washes his hands of any affection for lame-o speedskating. If you’re like me and read all of his columns fishing for signs of ignorance and stupidity, then you recall he wrote a glowing column on Hedrick and speed skating just last week:

Hedrick's is the cowboy way -- no whining, just a Texas two-stride past skaters who hadn't heard of him until he made them memorize his backside.
Granted he had no idea that both Hedrick and Davis were babies, but at the time Souhan seemed interested in the event.

"Shaq and Kobe said a lot more to each other than Shani and I did," Hedrick said with a smile, long before Davis incited the verbal brawl.
Shaq and Kobe won championships together before splitting.
Davis and Hedrick? They refuse to win anything together, and neither will get traded to Norway.
Comparing two pansies in a team sport to two pansies in an individual sport doesn’t work very well. Shaq and Kobe also had ten other teammates that required chemistry. A speed skating relay is not really a team. 100m sprinters are almost always selfish and prima donnas too, which makes a better comparison. Of course the last time sprinters were in the news was like two years ago. Well outside the realm of research for a columnist.

They are cursed by proximity, tied by fate, bound by mutual hatred.
That sentence is the crown jewel (the voice in Souhan’s head says “Pulitzer!”). It sounds like a cheesy movie tag line. Keanu Reeves stars in Impossible Love.

We haven't seen a Winter Games rivalry like this since Tonya Harding put a contract on Nancy Kerrigan's knee.
You got the feeling Tuesday night that Davis and Hedrick left the building in search of Jeff Gillooly's phone number.
That’s right, two Olympians who have a verbal spat is equivalent to Harding plotting a physical assault on her rival. The story was reasonable until the last two paragraphs. Then the vessel suddenly and spectacularly ran ashore.

The Scoop Jackson School of Journalism

2006-02-21T13:40:00.000-06:00

It's time to play a game: Read Scoop Jackson's latest article.
Part I: Aside from learning that Scoop Jackson is friends with Avery Johnson, name one thing you learned. Anything at all.

Part II: Recite any emotions, laughs or reactions caused by this article.

Bonus: Explain how ESPN.com sees fit to employ Scoop Jackson. A typical Scoop piece is poorly contstructed, but at least he usually tries to make a point or stir emotion. This article has no facts or insight. It has zero conflict, controversy, opinion or any other reason for being written or read. Cotton Candy is substantial by comparison. It's a good thing it was not in printed form for sake of the trees.

Jim Souhan Writes (and Probably Throws) like a Girl: Underhanded

2006-02-21T11:31:00.000-06:00

As of Monday night, the US had won seven gold medals, the second most in US Winter Olympic history. However if you read most sports columns, a picture of complete failure is painted. Jim Souhan is always eager to point out faults, but this week SI.com’s Jacob Luft joins him. I wrote the same article last week, but since Souhan and the Star Trib editors failed to read it, we’ll try again.

Last week after skier Lindsey Kildow crashed, Souhan wrote not one but two warm fuzzy, feel good stories about Kildow’s toughness and courage. This week, after allowing Kildow four days to heal, he throws an underhanded dart at Kildow for failing to medal.

The title of his article is How the wanna-be mighty have fallen. If he wants to rip Bode Miller, fine. Why does he lump Kildow in this article? She shouldn’t have even skied, let alone take eighth place. That sounds like the Olympic spirit.

He has taken every opportunity to jab Bode Miller. Miller is a World Class skier, but also has a reputation for flaming out. The Olympics have seen the latter. So what? Other more compelling stories get a chance. Austria's Hermann Meier overcame a serious auto accident to win a silver medal. It is an interesting story, but he's not an American so who cares.

Luft writes a whopping 324 words to express his discomfort with the US team’s poor performance:
I have a simple rule when watching this stuff every couple of years: We shouldn't lose to any country that I can't find on a map. Considering that my geographic knowledge is based almost completely on playing the board game RISK in grade school, you can imagine how upsetting these Olympics have been for me. (How many medals does Kamchatka have so far?)

How narrow-minded can you be? The nerdy Risk joke really drives his point home. Luft may consider his piece tongue-in-cheek, but readers shouldn’t work so hard to identify it. If he is truly disappointed say so, if he doesn’t care, then don’t write about it.

Aside from the Salt Lake City games, this has been the most successful US winter team ever, and there are still five days left. Sure the US should have won more medals, but there are always upsets and disappointments. When Miller failed in the men’s combined, another American Ted Ligety surprised everyone by winning the gold. It seems to equal out.

Luft also takes issue with the men’s hockey team. They aren’t that good. They lost to Slovakia and Sweden (sans Peter Forsberg no less), both with more talent. Russia, Canada, the Czechs and Finland all have more talent than the US. The men aren’t disappointing; their talent is middle of the pack which matches their results.

The US is not assured or entitled to medals. This isn’t the ’92 Dream Team versus Angola. Lots of countries have World-Class athletes. Why do these writers refuse to enjoy great performances by other countries? Like Janica Kostelic, the Croatian skier who had 13 knee surgeries, and still won two medals in Torino? No it’s better to discuss the US and some mythical failure. I for one will not lose any sleep over Apolo Anton Ohno or Johnny Weir(d) not medaling.

NFL Combine: Scouting for Future Busts

2006-02-20T15:56:00.000-06:00

The NFL Scouting combine begins this week. For some reason the NFL Network will broadcast this excitement vaccuum. There are no fans, no media members, and a bunch of scouts and NFL Europe players. Many of the top prospects decline to work out opting instead for private workouts. It is not a glamorous off-season event, but somehow it is treated as such.

To have measurable drills to equally compare prospects is a good intent. The problem is the number of irrelevant drills and the conclusion people draw from them. Draft history is full of players that move up the charts based on numbers or workouts. In 2003 the Jets traded up to get Dewayne Robertson, passing on Kevin Williams and Terrell Suggs.

Coaches do run several drills that incorporate several game situation skills. Having defensive backs cut, backpedal and then catch an overhead pass for instance. This is something a player will do 10-20 times a game. Yet other drills that produce tangible numbers still eat up a lot of the combine.

The most popular and most overrated stat for a football player is the 40-yard dash. Rarely will anyone besides receivers, backs and special teamers ever run more than 20 yards, especially in an unobstructed straight line. Not only do players never run 40 yards, at the combine they start from a sprinter’s start. This proves absolutely nothing. Even at a position like Wide Receiver this number is useless. Jerome Mathis had the best 40 time in 2005 at 4.32. His rookie season netted 5 receptions and none over 40 yards. Troy Williamson experienced the same ascent based on his speed. He struggled as a rookie because of his poor skills in other areas.

The combine also has a 20-yd dash, which is slightly more applicable. It is still measured in a straight line from a sprinter’s start. A player could be a world class sprinter, but if they can’t shed blocks, catch the ball or take the proper angle of pursuit it is worthless.

It is possible to have a standard timed drill that is more practical for football players. The combine has cone drills and shuttle runs show how quickly a player can change direction. But the 40 is by far the most recognizable and compared stat used in draft talk. Fabian Washington was the fastest among corners in the 40 resulting in the Raiders selecting him 23rd, the fourth corner taken overall. His shuttle and cone scores were much more average compared to other corners, including more productive players like Darrent Williams, Travis Daniels and Dominique Foxworth. Washington was a non-factor as a rookie while the others all saw significant playing time.

So much time is wasted on speed. The analysts will say someone is slow based on their 40 time. The combine has every position run the 40 and 20. In preparation, most prospects work out with speed and explosion experts to specifically train for the 40. It seems more fruitful if players spent time improving their football skills.

GM’s and scouts aren’t searching for decathletes, but the standing broad jump is somehow a standard measurement to determine a good football player. The reasoning for the broad jump is to test explosiveness. Running through an obstacle course would be more productive. Or at least have a player run and jump. When was the last time you saw a running back take a handoff at the goal line, stop and jump as far as he could?

Another issue is the measurement of a broad jump test. Erasmus James landed a 10’4” broad jump in 2005. Matt Roth, another defensive end projected in the first round charted at 9’4”. How does James jumping a third of a yard further prove he is a better player than Roth? James may have better long jump technique, Roth might have slipped or some other meaningless reason.

Besides the 40, the other sexy metric is the bench press. The two best cases are Mike Mamula and Dan Wilkinson. Mamula, especially, improved his draft status primarily due to his awesome pre-draft workout. No one will deny that strength is important for football, but there are better gauges than a bench press. The only time a player performs the bench press on the field is lying on one’s back. Not the ideal tackling position. Cleans or a blocking sled weighted by John Madden would give more honest insight toward a players’ strength.

The fact is there isn’t one factor or stat that can measure a player’s value. It still is worth it to have a scouting combine, but some drills are pointless and do more harm than good.

Hi, I'm Barry Bonds, and I am the least likeable person on the planet

2006-02-20T15:10:00.000-06:00

Okay, so you're saying to yourselves, "Yeah we know that already." But let's be honest, it's fun to blast the people we don't like and isn't Barry on everyone's list?

So it seems that Barry is "contemplating" retirement after the '06 season. I thought I'd offer a little something on good 'ol Fathead's comments.

The Giants slugger told USA Today on Sunday he plans to retire after this season -- with or without the home run record.

"I'm not playing baseball anymore after this," Bonds told the paper in a telephone interview from his California home. "The game [isn't] fun anymore. I'm tired of all of the crap going on. I want to play this year out, hopefully win, and once the season is over, go home and be with my family. Maybe then everybody can just forget about me."

Oh no!!! Barry isn't having fun playing baseball and he's tired of all the crap going on. Crap! We need to fix this and fix it fast. You over their call Jose! You in the Zubaz, get Victor Conte on the phone fast. We need to make this game fun again. Someone log onto Wikipedia and change the entry for "fun" to the following:

fun (phun)
noun
The process whereby a major league baseball player sticks needles in their ass, rubs "flax seed oil" on their junk, and lies to the U.S. Government, all while breaking records held by some of the games biggest legends and acting like they don't care.

Bonds, however, later tried to soften that stance.

"If I can play [in 2007], I'm going to play; if I can't I won't," Bonds said in a story posted Sunday night on MLB.com after USA Today posted its story. "If my knee holds up, I'll keep on going. I'm playing psychological games with myself right now. I don't want to set myself up for disappointment if things don't work out this season. So I go back and forth. Back and forth every day. These are the things that are going through my mind. This is what I'm struggling with."

No Barry, what you're struggling with is the fact that your body is eating itself, because your daily regimen doesn't involve the words "Cream" or "Clear" anymore. Notice that he says this is something that he goes back and forth with on a daily basis and that he doesn't want to set himself up for disappointment. So he must care about playing right? Right?

"I've never cared about records anyway," Bonds told USA Today, "so what difference does it make [if he finishes shy of Aaron's 755 career homers]? Right now, I'm telling you, I don't even want to play next year. Baseball is a fun sport. But I'm not having fun.

I think Barry's been doing coke with Nate Newton. This is why people hate this guy. One minute he's saying he would be disappointed if he couldn't play in '07 and the next he's says stuff like this. And there we go with the "fun" thing again. But Barry you're still proud to be a baseball player right?

"I love the game of baseball itself, but I don't like what it's turned out to be. I'm not mad at anybody. It's just that right now I am not proud to be a baseball player"

You see Barry is that guy that goes back to his 20 year reunion and finds everyone is married and has kids and is settled down to a nice life, and gets pissed that none of his buddies want to drink absinthe and do blow off a hooker's ass. "I loved high school, but hanging out with these guys now is just a real downer."

Guess what Barry? Baseball wised up and realized that it's "stars" were a bunch of frauds and jackasses. They decided it was better to save the game than it was to let players put anything into their bodies to help them hit the ball even farther and throw harder.

"I can't even tell how you many pain pills I am on or how many sleeping pills I'm taking," he told USA Today. "I don't have a choice. I can't even run that much anymore. How can I run? I don't have any cartilage in that knee. I'm bone on bone. But I can still hit. I can rake. I can hit a baseball."

Of course he can't tell us how many pills he's taking. If you weren't worried about records, why would you endanger yourself by going through such a regimen? Because he does care, it's the only thing he does care about.

"When Wayne Gretzky did his thing, how many kids wanted to play hockey? When Michael Jordan played, how many kids said they wanted to be the next Michael Jordan? Hopefully, some kid out there will watch me, thinking he can do what I did and become a good baseball player, too"

Hmm yes Barry, you're exactly like these guys. A shining example of what our kids should strive to be like. I mean just read this next comment and you'll see why...

"I'm clean, I've always been clean," said Bonds, who has repeatedly denied knowingly taking steroids. "But it never ends. It seems like every reporter from last season to this season has reported and opened up a new can of [expletive]. And I haven't even been to spring training. At least let me get to spring training and [expletive] up before you crucify me."

Awesome. And classy to boot. The problem with that Barry is that you haven't always been clean. You rubbed some business on yourself and your former trainer pleaded guilty to conspiracy and laundering and told the world that you used banned substances. So pardon me if I tell you to SHUT THE [expletive] UP!

"They say I didn't lose weight. Well, you know what? I am still big. I'm fat [6-feet-2, 230 pounds]. I can't do much. I can't train like I used to. So the weight stays. I'm just not a skinny person, dude, I'm not. I never will be."

"Don't get me wrong. I love Michael Jordan, and I respect Michael Jordan. But I never wanted all that attention."

Barry, you're starting to get mixed up. I forgot that the little known by-product of sticking needles in your ass, is Alzheimers.

"All I know is that I'm trying to get to the World Series again. I want that ring. So I don't want to sit on no bench. When I sit on the bench, I hurt my teammates. I want to win.

Barry! I just got a call from Jeff Kent and he agrees with you.

"Is it going to cost me in endorsements? Whoop-de-doo. I never had any endorsements, anyways. I don't base my life on that. I go to work like every other American."

Yes you do Barry. Just like all of us average Joe's. You are the epitome of working class. I don't care what they say about you , you're alright in my book. God bless you Fathead!

Top Ten Reasons to Watch the Daytona 500

2006-02-17T11:11:00.000-06:00

Football is over, March Madness is a month away and the first baseball scandal won’t roil until April at the earliest. What is a sports fan to do? For millions of Americans it is Nascar season, the second most watched sport behind football. Before you snicker and dismiss it as a redneck sport, consider a few things. There is a lot more happening than just driving in circles.

10. Restrictor plates ensure that 43 cars will all stay in a tight pack the whole race
9. Every car has unique and identifiable sponsors and paint schemes.
8. Feuds between drivers. Heated discussions and fist fights are always possible.
7. In car cameras and audio allow insight that can’t often be seen in other sports.
6. Honest sound bites. Drivers like Tony Stewart, Dale Earnhardt Jr, and Kevin Harvick don’t bother with the clichés that show up in other sports.
5. It will get you in the mood to see Will Ferrell's new movie Talladega Nights.
4. Bump-drafting. 190mph and the cars bump together to go faster. It’s full contact racing.
3. It fits perfectly in the vacated NFL Sunday afternoon slot. Unlike other sports, it all happens in one day, no need to daily follow scores and standings.
2. The Big One. There is always a large spectacular crash at Daytona taking out 10-25 cars at once. The best part is the drivers are rarely hurt.
1. A certain co-writer of this site used to attend Alan Jackson concerts. It’s a natural progression.

Daunte Culpepper: Limp, Roll or Charter Boat Your Way to the Door

2006-02-16T15:05:00.000-06:00

Daunte Culpepper is either incredibly smart or incredibly dumb. The former Pro-Bowl quarterback is quickly becoming the Enemy of the State in Minnesota. After repeated demands for a raise, Culpepper is now the subject of trade rumors.

After a class five disaster of a season, Culpepper has the gall to ask for a pay raise. This can be taken two ways, either he is trying to force a trade or he is truly dumb and overvalues himself. Calculated or not, this tactic does not endear his public image in the Twin Cities.

On the other hand, maybe Culpepper isn’t so stupid. The West Coast offense really doesn’t play to his strengths and would force him to learn a new system at the same time he is rehabbing from a serious knee injury. Perhaps a team with a vertical passing game would be a better fit for Culpepper.

To request a fresh start may be best for both parties. The Vikings are being smart so far by not overreacting. They held firm with Culpepper and resisted getting into a public spitting match.

The Vikings will move swiftly on any trade talks. Trades can be approved beginning on March 3rd while Culpepper is due a $6 million roster bonus on March 14th.
The trouble will be trying to get fair value for Culpepper in a trade. One draft pick seems too small a price for a quarterback who, despite a difficult rehab, is only 28, entering his prime and has the potential to be an MVP. Of the teams with rumored interest (Baltimore, Miami, Oakland) there aren’t many tradable players to pique the Vikings’ interest.

Teams know Culpepper wants out and will not overpay for him or simply wait for the Vikings to release Culpepper on March 14th. It will take some clever maneuvering for the Vikings to garner anything near Culpepper’s true value. If he is traded a legitimate quarterback prospect becomes all the more necessary. Drafting a young QB that can suits Brad Childress’ offense might be easier than attempting to reprogram a veteran quarterback into something he is not.

Culpepper deserves blame for his actions that led the two parties to the current point. It is pretty clear he will not be back. It was probably avoidable, but that is irrelevant now. Culpepper is getting his way and it is up to the Vikings’ Triangle of Power and Wisdom to extract as much value as possible. Meanwhile fans can say thanks for the two playoff appearances, the many highlights and the awkward and hideous Roll celebration. Here’s hoping Daunte gets what he wishes and ends up in the Black Hole in Oakland. Otherwise known as complete football disarray and a 5-11 season.

The Incredible Hulk is Out for Justice

2006-02-14T13:51:00.000-06:00

Former actor and body builder Lou Ferigno is now an assistant deputy officer in LA. Sure Shaq is a token officer in Miami, but when something goes down, who would you rather have on your side? I'll take the Hulk anyday. Shaq comes off as a giant publicity stunt who thinks he's a super-hero. Ferigno is a super-hero.

What would Shaq do to a criminal, back him down in the lane or interrogate the perp in third person? "Shaq thinks you're guilty. The Diesel doesn't like law-breakers."

Ferigno says he wants to focus on drug prevention and youth. Pity the poor predator that encounters Lou. The drug bust quickly becomes a skull bust. No words wasted, just ensuring another creep is off the streets.

Even Ferigno's hearing impairment will be an asset. He won't bother asking questions, just kickin some drug pushing ass.

Extrapolate: A word that should be used sparingly in sports

2006-02-13T13:40:00.000-06:00

ESPN.com’s Len Pasquarelli apparently with a straight face, poses the question can Chiefs RB Larry Johnson run for 2,500 yards.

Although he started only nine games in 2005, not moving into the lineup until Holmes was lost to neck and back injuries that might still threaten his career, Johnson registered big numbers. In his nine starts, Johnson went over 100 yards every game, with seven outings of 130 or more yards and a pair of 200-yard performances. During the starting stretch, Johnson carried 261 times for 1,351 yards and 16 touchdowns. In only one of the nine games did he fail to score, and he had six multiple-touchdown games, with two contests in which he scored three times.
Extrapolate those numbers over a 16-game season and here's what you get: 464 carries, 2,402 yards, and 28 touchdowns.

For Johnson or anyone else to get 2,500 yards would need to average 156 yards per game. It would be 6.25 yd/carry. Eric Dickerson rushed for 2,105 yards in 1984 and had a 5.6 yard average. Johnson’s average last year was 5.2.

Sports writers should not project numbers, especially based on partial seasons. Remember Karl “Tuffy” Rhodes? He hit three home runs on opening day for the Cubs in 1994. He finished the year with 8, far short of projections.

The fact that Pasquarelli seems to seriously consider this possible is absurd. Even if a running back averaged 7 yards a carry, it is the most violent position in sports, and to assume a running back will play all 16 games without injury is foolish. Johnson is a good back, has a great line and a coach that will give him the ball 30 times a game. Even in the perfect setting this milestone is ludicrous.

Maybe Len is talking about Madden '06 or Tecmo bowl. Or Larry "Gran-mama" Johnson the basketball player taking a 2,500 yard jog in the park. This seems more plausible.

After Three Days in Torino, Jim Souhan still sucks

2006-02-13T11:11:00.000-06:00

The dateline on Jim Souhan’s articles say Turin, Italy. Based on his insight, it is questionable if he is really at the Olympics. Based on his opinions it is doubtful he has ever followed a previous Olympiad.

In his first paragraph he says snowboarding “looks more like a video game than a staid Olympic competition.”

There are nearly as many snowboarders in the world as there are skiers. This is the 3rd Olympics for snowboarding and it is not going away. What is Jim trying to say with staid competition? Should only traditional and less popular sports can be in the Olympics? Next he voices his displeasure with the US team.

He[Snowboarder Shaun White] is called the Flying Tomato, fitting for an American team that, had it been performing on a vaudeville stage, would have been ducking projectile vegetables all afternoon.
Several US athletes didn’t win events as expected. Upsets and surprises happen every Olympics; it is part of the excitement and how the Games are structured. The margin of error is much smaller than a seven game series in baseball or basketball.

America's two most famous skiers, Bad Bode Miller and Dependable Daron Rahlves, schussed out of the money in the men's downhill, losing to an obscure Frenchman in a race lacking even a spectacular Miller flameout.
After the race, Miller said that Antione Deneriaz, er the obscure Frenchman, skied better than everyone else. For his part Miller missed the bronze by .11 seconds and silver by .31 seconds. Which is also how long it would take Souhan to look up Deneriaz’ name.

No longer does the United States hope to win a figure skating medal and maybe surprise the Europeans on the slopes.
Wait a minute, was the US the favorites or underdogs in skiing? The answer is favorites, but Souhan attempts to play both angles.

The U.S. ski and snowboard association calls itself the "Best in the World," and the U.S. Olympic Committee has spent a big-league payroll in the pursuit of road results that will legitimize its outstanding performance in Salt Lake City four years ago. Wishing, however, does not make it so, especially not in quadrennial events that determine champions by the margin of milliseconds.
Geez Louise! I keep hearing Sean Connery saying “you’re playing both sides.” Now Souhan concedes it is not easy to win a medal. Souhan’s article is so murky it's amazing. Does anyone read this before printing? Further, the US ski team is one of the best in the World. Miller won the World Cup title last year and Rahlves has also won events. There are four more events for the US to win medals. Losing the downhill doesn’t make the US ski team a failure.

Minnesotan Tony Benshoof finished fourth in the luge, one spot away from the first American gold medal in the event. Benshoof matched the best finish ever by an American in the luge and said he was pleased to lose to only three other Olympians, but that sentiment might not withstand reflection.
Congratulations to Benshoof for the best American finish ever. He should be pleased. I have no idea what Souhan means by “that sentiment might not withstand reflection.” Mainly because he never elaborates on this. Neither Jim Souhan or myself understand what it is like to train for and compete in the Olympics. It’s not like Benshoof was a lock to win. Benshoof would be a disgrace if he skipped the luge to go party in Torino or made an obscene gesture after the race. He did neither and getting fourth is fantastic.

So far, the United States has won two golds in two days.
2 gold medals, which places us first in gold medals. What an argument for disgrace. Which brings up another question: Is there really this expectation that the US must haul in a ton of medals? Personally, it was exciting to see the downhill won by the very last skier. Had Miller complained or said he should have won, that would be disgraceful.

One was delivered by a guy who wasn't on the USOC radar four years ago. The other was produced by a sport that once made skiing purists wince.
Evidently Jim Souhan is a skiing purist.

If Chad Hedrick hadn't traded in his in-line skates for blades, and snowboarding hadn't become all the rage among a certain demographic of American teens, the United States would be right up there with Lichtenstein in the gold count.
Hedrick is a good story: From obscurity to the best speed-skater in the world. Snowboarding is more legitimate than a lot of events, and it’s popular everywhere, or it wouldn’t be in the World Games. What if Nordic Skiing wasn’t popular in Norway? They probably wouldn’t be very good at it.

Souhan continues on the American’s disappointment mentioning Apollo Anton Ohno and Michelle Kwan.

It was a lousy day for the Americans, yet Miller, like his compatriots, sounded strangely content. "Maybe I didn't race at 100 percent of my best today, but I wasn't far off at all," he said. "I raced hard, and I'm super happy with that.
Surely the ambitious people at the USOC are super happy with that.
Dear Jim, the cold war is over and has been since 1991. Every country wants to see their athletes do well, but it’s acceptable to do your best and still lose. It is also acceptable (this might hurt you Jim) to cheer for other countries. Every other country has formidable teams, all who train as hard and want to win as badly. Instead of bashing the US team, an article with some insight is a nice alternative. Try it sometime.

What the $#!%???: The 2006 Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies

2006-02-11T01:08:00.000-06:00

Here's a few of my favorite moments from the evening that was the Opening Ceremonies:

The absolute cluster bleep that was the first ten minutes. I had a hard time distinguishing whether I was watching the Opening Ceremonies or archived video from Burning Man. Then I realized they were fully clothed, and I was whisked back to Torino. After a few minutes I then realized what they were trying to do: Re-create the movie Running Man. I've seen it done before but very poorly, it just doesn't translate all that well to the stage.

The "Sparks of Passion". Nothing conveys passion like a bunch of guys on rollerblades in red spandex with sparklers strapped to their asses.

"Ricolaaaaa!"...Oh come on, you know you said it.

"See, we hired Cirque De Sol....Oh we couldn't get them? Well who did we get? Well can they do handstands? Can they repel from things? They must be able to repel!!!"

The part where I thought my mother-in-law had dropped acid in my Diet A&W and the, ahem, "Prince Charming of Italian dance" sauntered center stage. At first I'm thinking, oh great more interpretive dance, I can go take a whiz. And then, WHAMMMO! I got hit with plastic cows, giant paper mache Siamese Twins wrapped in silver and camouflage, and said Prince Charming going Chippendales on the bit, only to have orange mohawk and veiny-like bodysuit underneath. And then, as quickly as it was there...it was gone, and I woke up in the corner next to the fireplace in the fetal position with poop in my pants.

Gratuitous Formula 1 spinout. Cutting edge. Cut-ting EDGE!

And last but not least...

COSTAS!!!

If I Ran the Olympic Opening Ceremonies

2006-02-11T00:20:00.000-06:00

Hi everyone welcome to the Olympics. So the Games will start tomorrow, Breakfast is at 8-ish, curling will start at 9.. Please be nice to everyone, don't take anything illegal and have a good time. Kevin James is going to tell some jokes, Vince Neil will sing some songs and then we'll have a go at the skeleton course...If that didn't work here are some other suggestions for future Olympic committees:

Don’t Try to Reinvent the Wheel
I am all for pomp and circumstance as long as it is in moderation. Briefly educate me on the culture of the country (otherwise it’s up to the overzealous Bob Costas to pelt us with facts). Basically keep things simple. Showcase national heroes or historical figures.

Can the Cute Singing Little Girl
The Olympics have sucked this well dry. It no longer tugs at my heart. For a curveball let’s try a senile old man. Lower on the cute factor, but a high degree of unpredictability.

No Interpretive Dancing
This one is strict with no wiggle room. I don’t care about passion or intangible Olympic spirits. You shouldn’t have to think too hard about why there is a guy with wings, tights and an eagle head.

No Futuristic Music
This goes in hand with no interpretive dancing. Let’s leave the Herbie Hancock at home. If opening ceremonies are for a glimpse into the host country’s history, play domestic music. Musical corollary: If the Games are in Italy, something besides Donna Summer and Michael Jackson is in order. If the Games are in Detroit, something besides Donna Summer and Michael Jackson is in order.

Feature the Athletes
There are two weeks to feature the stars and medal winners. The majority of the people marching have no illusions of winning. Some of the greatest stories are the single athlete representing their country.

Make your Mark with the Torch
The archer in Barcelona, a ski jumper in Lillehammer, Muhammed Ali in Atlanta and Cathy Freeman in Sydney were all memorable and unique.

The R!D!HHH! Week in Review:

2006-02-10T16:30:00.000-06:00

From the mighty pen of Michael J. Maruska...

The week in sports, where fun is guaranteed
And a summary in prose, the only news you need,
Super Bowl XL, as predicted was bad,
The only saving grace were the smart Sprint ads,

Al Michaels gets traded for highlights and a cartoon,
Means no Collinsworth in the booth, oh what a boon.
TV on Sundays now has a large hole
No more football unless you count the Pro Bowl,

What to do now many people have wondered,
It’s simple just watch next week’s Daytona Five 'hundered,
As the NHL struggles to find fans who wont’ knock it,
Along comes a gambling ring funded by Tocchet,

To make matters worse is Wayne’s wife Mrs Gretzky,
She allegedly loves to place those high dollar betskys,
For protection her loving husband lies,
Always a poor choice to fib to the FBI,

The Winter games oft begins with skating and ski sloping,
Instead we get headlines of drugs and blood doping,
Sure it’s the skeleton, why should you care?
Because the athletes are taking Propecia, to try and grow hair.

Speaking of banned drugs, Sammy Sosa signed with the Nats,
To pair with the speedy Chubbs LeCroy for quality at bats.
Surely all D.C.-ians will be glued to their tubes
All for a chance to see them gigantic boobs.

Jim Souhan on Assignment: A Jingo in Action

2006-02-09T10:30:00.000-06:00

Jim Souhan can not go one article without taking cheap shots at someone or something. Today’s episode finds him in Italy, presumably on the Star Tribune’s tab, to cover the Olympics. Things start out well as he describes the sights and sounds of the luge and bobsled. It is the start of an adequate column to whet one’s appetite for the Winter Games.

Then halfway through, Souhan does a word count, realizes he is 300 words short. With the Olympics thoroughly covered, it is time for some cheap jokes and poorly veiled insults.

The Italians seem friendly, but this is not like attending a Super Bowl in Jacksonville, where the populace begs you to like them. In Jacksonville the attitude was, "We know this is a lousy place to spend a week, but if you promise not to tell anybody, we'll give you a T-shirt."
In Turin, the attitude is, "It's OK that you're visiting; please don't spill anything."
Insulting two cities in one fell swoop and it’s not even a fair comparison. Turin’s population is more than double Jacksonville, and they are hosting one of the largest events in the World for two weeks. Jacksonville hosted an annual weekend event attended by primarily one country. Souhan attempts to appear too good for “lousy” Jacksonville, but not high-brow enough for Italy.

Nobody seems to be in a rush in Italy. When I asked the front desk at the condo to fix my phone, which doesn't ring, the attendant said, "Tomorrow would be good for us."
Jim Souhan, the first American to set foot in Italy. At least his expedition is not in vain, as it’s doubtful any Americans will go to Italy again. Seriously, why is he telling us this in a sports column?

This is a city filled with cars. While the stereotypical European city relies on public transportation, Turin is home to the automaker Fiat, which produces cars the size of bundt cakes. You don't park these cars -- you put them on your key chain.
Stupid little cars, they make me so mad! Mad enough in fact, that I must insult them. It’s doubtful that Italy is apologetic for its lack of SUV’s.

The language barrier is really more than a speed bump. If you can say "pizza" and "vino" you'll survive, and if you climb near the top of the Alps, you can expect to see panoramic vistas, acts of bravery and other such Olympic moments.
This is Souhan’s closing paragraph. He was really starting to dig in to Italy when he suddenly realized it was a sports column. May the city of Turin realize Jim Souhan is a tacky writer and book him a one way flight to Jacksonville.

At first it appeared we were alone in our distaste. Then this was found at Deadspin.com

Top Ten Alternative Names for World Baseball Classic

2006-02-07T16:28:00.000-06:00

10. World Baseball Summit
9. Another event for Barry Bonds to weasel out of.
8. Forced Drama to squeeze dollars out of impoverished countries Classico
7. The Victor Conte Invitational
6. World Series Part Deux
5. A Giant Waste of Time
4. Little League World Series for Grownups
3. The Baseball World Cup sponsored by Bike
2. International Baseball Quasi-Championship
1. The First Annual Competition Permitting Latin Americans to kick American-Americans’ arses.

Mike Holmgren Pinot Noir: Vintage 2006

2006-02-07T14:44:00.000-06:00

Mike Holmgren by most accounts is considered a coach with class. This was not evident yesterday. As Seattle fans welcomed the NFC Champions home from the Super Bowl, the Seahawks head coach took the opportunity to whine. "We knew it was going to be tough going up against the Pittsburgh Steelers. I didn't know we were going to have to play the guys in the striped shirts as well."

Whether a poor attempt to rile the crowd at Quest Field or just a chance to vent frustrations, it was out of line and out of character for the head coach. For fans or even media members to complain about the referees is bad enough, for an NFL coach to take shots is poor. Sure Holmgren is competitive and no doubt feels his team was shortchanged, but he deserves his impending NFL fine.

No positive gain comes from whining and appealing about botched calls. After the game, the Seahawks players, while frustrated by the calls, did not blame the loss on the officiating. This showed class and maturity. Holmgren tarnished this grace with public belly-aching.

The fact is the Seahawks had plenty of opportunities to beat the Steelers. Pittsburgh didn’t have a first down until the middle of the second quarter, while Seattle moved the ball with relative ease. Seattle missed two field goals and twice stumbled through the 2-minute drill. Questionable penalties probably cost the Seahawks two touchdowns, but they had just as many squandered chances due to their own mistakes.

The Steelers beat Seattle because they made better second-half adjustments and took advantage of opportunities. As the teams left the field at halftime Holmgren appeared more preoccupied with the officiating than the play of his team. He didn’t look like a coach that was focused on preparing his team for the second half of a Championship game.

Some have drawn comparisons between the Steelers-Colts game with controversy regarding Troy Polamalu’s interception. The difference between the two situations is that the Steelers won the game. They took care of business and beat the Colts despite the bad call. Joey Porter was wrong to complain in that instance too.

It is a shame that officials have such an influence on the game, but to say they beat the Seahawks is not right and irresponsible. Mike please take some accountability for your team’s loss.

How not to write by Professor Jackson

2006-02-06T13:40:00.000-06:00

Do you ever hear or read something so awful that it causes fits of cursing out of frustration? For me that is Scoop Jackson and he weekly writes things that evoke swear words in my head. His columns are pretty much a loose collection of thoughts that are pawned off as an article. Today he offers his insight on Super Bowl 40. Here are some choice selections:

It was supposed to be about impossibility.
It became about everything but.
Jackson starts every single article this way. Two obscure sentences that carry little meaning.

It was all about Aretha ... in the beginning. Yes, Stevie was there, and he was treated like royalty. But the Queen is royalty. Beyond diva respect. She gets Goddess respect.
Aretha and Stevie are music legends, that’s great. Is that what everyone is talking about today? Or is Scoop just kissing her XL derriere?

It was about this being the last game Michaels and Madden would call together. The end of one of the best tandems in sports history. And neither one of them made it about himself.
Two of the best announcers maybe. But together they have been mostly lame. And numbers and ratings have proven that nobody watches the NFL for the announcers. Did Scoop cry as they signed off?

It was about Vince Young and Rip Hamilton being in the building.
The only reason this is here is probably because Scoop talked to them. Otherwise who cares? They aren’t even A-List celebrities.

It was about D-Jack in the first half looking like Steve Smith against the Bears. If you give him the TD catches they took away and the ruled-out-of-bounds catch, he's got eight catches for 120 yards and two touchdowns instead of five for 50 and zero scores.
If if if. Bad call or no, Jackson was called for interference. He WAS out of bounds. Willie Parker would have had a 300 yard run if he didn’t have to stop in the endzone!

It was about Hines Ward -- for a moment -- looking like he was the only Steeler ready to ball. It was about that third-and-28 pass reception.
Hines Ward caught it yes, but he dropped a TD earlier in the game. Roethlisberger made a nice play, got a little lucky Seattle snoozed in coverage and it fell in Ward’s hands. But Scoop could tell Hines was ready to ball. After the game he went to the Palace and played Horse with Chauncey Billups.

It was about back judge Bob Waggoner and head linesman Mark Hittner, and their two blown touchdown calls that stole the game from the Seahawks in the first half.
Again, “D-Jack” was out of bounds. The interference call, while questionable was a fair call. Jackson did push off to get separation. Did the Waggoner screw up the 2-minute drill twice? Did Mark Hittner throw a pick inside the 20 or miss two field goals?

It was about Bryant McFadden and Ike Taylor's celebration after the Seahawks' second missed field goal.
Scoop uses IT as anything, factual or otherwise, that happened in Detroit.

It was about Jerramy Stevens' two dropped passes. It was about his touchdown that cut the lead to 14-10. It was about Matt Hasselbeck not giving up on him. It was about his dropping another ball after that.
I seem to remember Stevens sitting in favor of backup Ryan Hannem for a long stretch. Such perserverence by Stevens.

It was about the Seahawks keeping Troy Polamalu quiet. All game long.
Rember this line for a minute.

It was about Matt Hasselbeck killing the Steelers for three quarters. Never getting touched, never coming close to getting sacked. It was about the offensive line having one bad play with 6:10 left, possibly succumbing to the inevitable defeat.
Hasselbeck got sacked on the first flipping drive! It stopped a promising drive. I guess Scoop was busy talking to Rip Hamilton at the time.

It was about the Steelers shutting D-Jack down in the second half.
Who do you think helped cover D-Jack? Troy Polamalu does play in the Steelers secondary. Despite being shut down, D-Jack did have 200 imaginary yards passing.

It was about three plays early in the fourth quarter: The phantom holding call on Jerramy Stevens, followed by the non-horse collar call on Joey Porter, followed by the illegal block call on Hasselbeck that gave Pittsburgh 15 extra yards after the interception. It was about those three blown calls in one series. Calls that Mike Lupica warned everybody about on "Sports Reporters" earlier in the day.
Vicariously taking credit for Mike Lupica’s predictions. Impressive. What predictions did Lupica make; watch out for a horse collar?

If Mike Holmgren wanted to make the same comments and assumptions after this game that Joey Porter made after the Steelers' win against the Colts, he'd be justified.
This is just wrong.

It was about Bill Cowher leading 21-10 and making sure he didn't have a Mike Ditka moment, and attempting to get Bettis a touchdown. And not being able to do anything about it.
What were the Steelers going to do; send Bettis on a skinny post? They ran out the clock. Ditka (in SB XX) had several goal line opportunities to give Walter Payton a shot and didn’t. Cowher ran Bettis twice at the goal line and then Roethlisberger scored on 3rd down. This argument is muddled and let’s see…wrong.

It was about seeing more Terrible Towels than you've ever seen before, about 60,000 people screaming in harmony when Stevens dropped that pass with three seconds left, about the Steelers winning a home game for the fifth Super Bowl win in franchise history.
Considering Heinz Field holds 65,000 Steeler fans, Pittsburgh probably has more Terrible Towels. This year’s Tour De France also had a lot of Steeler Terrible Towels.

Arguments about refs and conspiracy theories are expected out of a Seattle homer or occasional fan, not a professional writer that presumably knows about sports.

NFL Week 21 Coverage: 2nd Half

2006-02-05T21:54:00.000-06:00

2nd Half and Postgame
-Finally Willie Parker gives us something to notice
-Grey’s Anatomy IV. Intraveneous get it? Crickets chirp chirp.
-Roethlisberger usually looks off safeties, but tonight he is locking on receivers.
-Hummer H3 commercial was cute. If you like to watch Japanese monsters reproduce.
-Seattle needs to get back to their three step drops. Maybe Pittsburgh is taking it away better, but when they don’t have a camera on it, it’s difficult to tell. It’s also difficult when the ladies at the party are looking at wedding photos.
-#5 Grey’s anatomy is on after the Super Bowl if you are wondering.
-Jeremy Stephens forgot his hands wherever Thurman Thomas’ helmet is.
-Steelers Gadget plays now available in Skymall catalogs and Sharper Images.
-Where is Heath Miller?
-This game is like Week 13 caliber. No real excitement. Nothing Water-cooler worthy.
-Props to the Umpire for pinning Wistrom.
-Commercials are poor. No big movie trailers, no running gags, just lame rehashes. I guess companies find the Olympics more worthwhile.
-Does anyone deserved the MVP?
-ABC actually is toned down compared to Fox last year.
-Best shot: Dan Rooney giving the fist to Deshea Townsend. Much luv dogg!
-What was the podium for postgame? A spaceship or the Tilt-a-Whirl?
-Hines Ward as MVP, I can live with that.
-Bettis announcing his retirement live. That’s pretty great. And a good note to end on.

Quasi-Super Bowl XL: 2nd Quarter/Halftime

2006-02-05T19:27:00.000-06:00

-Seattle dominated possession in the first quarter and has 3 points to show.
-Gray’s Anatomy in-game promo #1. I saw it from the edge of my seat!
-The stuffed mushrooms are a hit.
-Gilette Fusion-Finally a razor with 5 blades! Now I can hack my face quicker.
-How can Seattle give up a big play on 3rd and 28? They didn’t blitz, had zero pressure and still allowed a long completion.
-Someone kidnapped Madden and Michaels. Their broadcast has been pretty flawless.
-Polamalu is too quiet, although fewer run plays keep him away from the ball. He’ll show up soon.
-So far I haven’t noticed the crowd being a factor either way. But thanks for the insight Michael Irvin.
-I could go for a Don Cheadle NFL Playoffs ad instead of the b&w ones.
-Halftime and still no Kid Rock sighting.
-How old are the Rolling Stones? Following Super Bowl I they performed on Ed Sullivan.
-The Seahawks need to get back to the short rhythm passing game.
-I think Roethlisberger will be more comfortable this half and come out firing. First drive could be big.
-The Shaq/Desperate Houswives commercials can cease at any time
-Grey’s Anatomy spots are up to three. It’s code black!
-This Super Bowl is turning into a swell uneventful game between two neat teams. Nothing Super so far.

1st Quarter from Mike's head

2006-02-05T18:04:00.000-06:00

1st Quarter
-Full Throttle Coke: The man’s soda. As badass as a temporary tattoo.
-Who would you rather tackle, Jerome Bettis or Aretha Franklin?
-Oh The Places You’ll Go. How many intros to one game can you have? And why Harrison Ford.
-Seattle wins the toss it’s tails. Many people just lost thousands of dollars.
-ABC has three sideline reporters. It must be a big game. That third sideline is usually neglected.
-First drive the Steelers different looks including dropping DT Casey Hampton in coverage.
-The Whopper commercial was decent, but not as good as the Burger King taking an interception to the house.
-Madden just talked about the 108 footballs in use. Otherwise he’s on point so far.
-The key to getting hot chicks: Be a Pepsi Can that likes Hip Hop.
-Four Bud Light commercials in a quarter. All decent for a change.
-I keep hearing “brown and bubbly” in my head.
-The Seahawks aren’t going to run laterally, Pittsburgh is too fast.

The GREATEST PREGAME SHOW EVER! or lame as always

2006-02-05T16:57:00.000-06:00

3:00 (2+ hours to kickoff) Chris Berman introduces a piece on the 25th anniversary of the end of the Iran hostage crisis. This is the perfect example of unnecessary Super Bowl Pregame coverage. Diane Sawyer doesn’t analyze the Super Bowl during the State of the Union address coverage, so why should Chris Berman cover this? Thankfully the nicknames were spared.

3:45: Patriots’ coach Bill Belichick watches film and breaks down the NFL’s greatest defenses. No gimmicks or flash, just a very bright guy telling why the Steelers, Bears, Giants and Patriots succeeded in the Super Bowl. I can’t say if he’s a genius, but he deserves all the praise he gets. He would be a fantastic broadcaster, but he’s too smart for that.

Fact from Berman: Matt Hasselbeck is the first QB from Boston College to start in the Super Bowl. You mean Glen Foley, Brian St Pierre and Doug Flutie never made it? Ben Roethlisberger is the first from Miami (OH), but that was too obvious.

When did Mike Tirico decide to go with the Rob Cordry look? Is he in baldness denial? Or is it a soul patch for your pate?

4:15: Just saw a Disney commercial with Joey Porter and others practicing saying “I’m going to Disney World.” Pretty good. The Vault Soda commercial following it was awful. In the footsteps of Jolt, Surge, OK Cola, we don’t need another obnoxious pop.

4:25: The lights are down in the stadium! Something must be happening…in like an hour.
4:35: I have sporadically watched the pre-game for 90 minutes and have already seen three or four Radio Shack ads. They aren’t new, entertaining, or clever. If they are saturating the pregame like this, it is a bad sign for the game.
4:26: Grey’s Anatomy ad #1a. I won’t count it towards the official tally, but my appetite is officially whetted.
4:50: Young, Irvin and Jackson give their final thoughts. Young: “It’s a rematch from 1989, when Mike Holmgren faced Dick Lebeau”(They were the coordinators for the 49ers and Bengals). That’s the biggest thought Young has? Michael Irvin says, “The Seahawks must score early and take this crowd out of the game.” Everyone knows teams that fail to silence the crowd are 0-40 in Super Bowl history.
4:55: Hank Williams in a tricked out SBXL SUV. Or as I like to call him Big Bank Hank. More to come…