Holy Hyperbole!

If you want some good hyperbole, and who doesn't, check this out. Baseball America posts their annual top 100 prospects. A quote by a scout or manager is supplied as a summary for each player. This is not knocking the list, they know way more about minor league prospects than most people, but some of the quotes are entertaining and way too over-the-top.

Many of the assessments were helpful, some were a total waste ruined by incessant gushing or crediting a player for great intangibles and being winners Here’s a few of the better quotes:

Anonymous scout on #1 prospect Delmon Young, “Delmon's going to be as good as Delmon wants to be.”

In the same vein as 2 Live Crew’s Nasty as They Wanna Be, Young can choose his own adventure. Do you go for Hall of Famer, settle for All-Star or be a journeyman pinch-hitter and call it good?

“He looks like the next Cal Ripken to me."
Why even play if you can put that on your resume?

“He is one of the most instinctual players for his age that I've ever seen."
How can you not be impressed by someone’s instinctual-ity? When most shortstops get the ball, their first thought is to kick it, but not this kid, he’s got gumption and savvy.

"He's got the arm, the heart and the head to do some very, very great things for that organization."
A good arm and head are good things for a pitcher to possess. Maybe with his big heart he can set up a very, very great food drive.

“He gets the barrel into the zone very quickly and it stays there for a very long time."
So he’s quick to bunt? Marvelous.

"You get the feeling he's going to get a hit every time up. He must have Superman vision or something."
Is there a more worthy compliment for someone that hit .200 last year? I guess if he could talk to animals like Aquaman that would be the ultimate compliment.

"I had scouted Chipper Jones and A-Rod before and to me, Guzman's bat was better. At 16 years old, the kid was as good as or better than anyone I'd ever seen."
Maybe Joel Guzman will be that good, but let's wait until he's higher than 27th on the list before we get crazy.

“You could see he was oozing with talent."
Eww. Anything oozing off my prospect is cause for concern.

"He throws hard and he throws strikes. That's why for me he's a Mark Prior Lite"
Gee thanks, you're calling him a pansey.

"He's got special arm speed, special arm strength, special talent and special makeup. He's got a great temperament for the game and a very special set of skills."
The only thing missing here is exclamation points and typing in all caps.

"He made quick bats look like palm trees through peanut butter."
The classic "palm trees and peanut butter" test. Roger Clemens and Pedro Martinez both fell short on this measurement.

"I've loved him forever. I think he's probably better defensively than offensively because of his intangibles. I love his makeup."
Is this an objective assessment or something more disturbing?

"He's got five plus tools and he has a little bit more ability to use them than maybe we knew.”
Five plus tools? He surely gives 110% too. Why not just say he's a super-dooper big-time really really neat player.