This game is too hype, and not in an MC Hammer way

The Hype leading up to the Super Bowl is too much to take. Every writer and analyst attempts to break down every nook and cranny and usually takes things too far. The game will not come down to punting, and rarely special teams at all. The problem is there is rarely enough to talk about each day, so the same stories, clichés and terrible jokes get recycled. If I could avoid the sports pages this week and watch the game on mute I would. If you are able, here is a preview of the stuff you will fortunately ignore.

Before the Game:
-Jokes about how old the Rolling Stones are
-“Wardrobe Malfunction”
-Jerome “The Bus” Bettis is from Detroit
-The Bus’ parents have never missed a game
-Bad puns for XL
-Lame jokes about the city of Detroit and burned-down buildings
-Lamer jokes about a Bus and the Motor City
-The Seahawks say “we have been disrespected”
-The Steelers say “it’s us against the world”
-Jokes about Bill Cowher’s big chin
-The Seahawks are playing in their first Super Bowl
-Steelers owner Dan Rooney is the greatest man in football, nay the United States.
-A lame tie-in to Hines Ward and Heinz Field

During the Game
-The game’s first penalty will be dismissed as nerves.
-Chris Berman will invent more bad nicknames.
-Cross-promoting ABC shows like Desperate Housewives and Grey’s Anatomy.
-Al Michaels will tell a story about what Seahawks DE Bryce Fisher was like in High School.
-Matt Hasselbeck used to back up Brett Favre
-Mike Holmgren used to coach Brett Favre
-Brett Favre might retire, or not.
-John Madden has applied to adopt Brett Favre (this is just speculation)
-Big Ben Roethlisberger is the second youngest QB in Super Bowl History
-Promo’s for the Pro Bowl on ABC. At which Madden will mention he doesn’t fly and cant’ go, because Hawaii is an island and busses can’t drive to Hawaii.
-Troy Polamalu is everywhere and Madden will circle each quadrant he occupies.
-Lofa Tatupu’s dad is Mosie, who played for the Patriots in the ’86 Super Bowl. Which segues to…
-…The ’86 Patriots were also the last team to win three playoff games on the road, until the Steelers.
-Obligatory shot of Freddie Prinz Jr, star of ABC’s hit sitcom Freddie.
-Obligatory interview with Jerry Rice, star of ABC’s hit show Dancing with the Stars.

This is in no way a comprehensive list, considering anything goes in the next week as long as it is prefaced with Super Bowl.