Saturday, February 11, 2006

What the $#!%???: The 2006 Winter Olympics Opening Ceremonies

Here's a few of my favorite moments from the evening that was the Opening Ceremonies:

The absolute cluster bleep that was the first ten minutes. I had a hard time distinguishing whether I was watching the Opening Ceremonies or archived video from Burning Man. Then I realized they were fully clothed, and I was whisked back to Torino. After a few minutes I then realized what they were trying to do: Re-create the movie Running Man. I've seen it done before but very poorly, it just doesn't translate all that well to the stage.

The "Sparks of Passion". Nothing conveys passion like a bunch of guys on rollerblades in red spandex with sparklers strapped to their asses.

"Ricolaaaaa!"...Oh come on, you know you said it.

"See, we hired Cirque De Sol....Oh we couldn't get them? Well who did we get? Well can they do handstands? Can they repel from things? They must be able to repel!!!"

The part where I thought my mother-in-law had dropped acid in my Diet A&W and the, ahem, "Prince Charming of Italian dance" sauntered center stage. At first I'm thinking, oh great more interpretive dance, I can go take a whiz. And then, WHAMMMO! I got hit with plastic cows, giant paper mache Siamese Twins wrapped in silver and camouflage, and said Prince Charming going Chippendales on the bit, only to have orange mohawk and veiny-like bodysuit underneath. And then, as quickly as it was was gone, and I woke up in the corner next to the fireplace in the fetal position with poop in my pants.

Gratuitous Formula 1 spinout. Cutting edge. Cut-ting EDGE!

And last but not least...